Monday

Yesterday, I took a nap. Which, to you may not be a big deal, but it was a very long nap. During naps, I don't get anything done. No papers. No typing. No cleaning. Nothing. But you know what? It doesn't matter. I have one more reflection paper to write. That's all. I just have to study for my finals and write one stinking reflection paper. Then the semester will be over.

I'm waisting time a little right now. I do have a funny Maddie story though. Well, it was really, really, really funny at the time. Erin came over on Saturday to just hang out. We were teasing Maddie instead of me getting her to bed. It was Saturday, after all. I blew a raspberry on her belly. She giggled and giggled. Then, she did returned the favor on the side of my face. Then Erin got her face and so on, and so on. Maddie started just holding up her shirt so we could see her belly and show that she was ready for me to get her. Erin said to me, "Your turn!" I tickled Maddie's belly; Erin got her face. Before I could "get" Maddie again, she turns to me and says, "Your turn!"

Okay, it was really, super funny at the time. I can't even type this with out laughing. I don't think reading it will do it justice though. Anyway, I think I'm going to go to the Union to study. I have almost two hours until my American Lit Final.

Autumn, Snow, and Ice? Oh My!

"-8c." That's what the bank sign blared as I got Madeline to daycare this morning. We stayed in until I was sure that the roadways were absolutely clear enough for the Princess (that's Madeline, BTW, I know that I am well past the stage where calling myself a "princess" in unacceptable. I'm now the Queen). I do not mind driving in and on ice and snow. My car handles well, and I've had some practice. However, I do not like driving on it with Madeline in the car. She is an added distraction, that angel. Anyway, we stayed home until after lunch, just in enough time for me to make it to my 12:30 class.

After parking in a great spot, I had just enough time to check my hotmail account for news about working over Christmas break, then rush to class across campus. Class was cancelled. Really. I rushed all the way over there in this freaking cold weather, which I dislike to a major degree, and class was cancelled. Growl. I want bonus points!

To top it off, I'm near the "bull's eye," as Brian Busby put it during the weather report last night. The 'Burg, which I now call my home, is set up to receive up to 16 inches of snow. Who need that much? I'll take 3, please. That's plenty. Especially considering that I don't have a shovel to clear my porch and steps! Though, I do look forward to seeing my daughter all bundled up in her pink coveralls with her purple coat, bright pink mittens, striped tassel fleece hat, and Princess boots. We will play in the snow... We might build a snow friend or make snow angels or have a snow ball fight or just run around in circles like crazy people. That is what I am looking forward to. The only thing that I can handle looking forward to on this freezing cold day.

It's a Boy!

I haven't officially shared this news until now, because I did not feel that it was my news to share. But now, I'm just too dang excited not to share... Are you ready?

Really?

Matthew (everyone's favorite little brother) and his girlfriend Andrea (who is wonderful) are having a baby. Not only that, but they had a sonogram today and found out that they were having a healthy baby BOY!

I am very excited for them. I know that they will make great parents. Congratulations, Kids! (well, maybe I shouldn't call them kids any more...) I'm very happy for you!

And the Mother-of-the-Year Award Goes To...

Yesterday, I decided to try out the local public library with Miss Maddie in tow. We had not been there yet, and I thought I'd had enough of Cat in the Hat for at least a day. We parked in the smallest parking lot ever, only because someone else was leaving. Then entered the new looking library. When we got to the children's section, Madeline spotted a puzzle table and a play house and big bean bag chair; she spotted them rather loudly. After I got her shushed, I went on a search for "rhymie" books. This is not easy. I have not been in the children's section of the library since I didn't have to lean down to pick the books. I found five that seemed like they'd work well for her. I let her test them at the cutest little person table I think I've ever seen, then we were headed to the check out counter.

Madeline did not want to leave the children's section of the library. She let me know by "going limp," you know, the start of a fit when a child refuses to listen to her momma by simply sitting down on the floor while her momma tries to pull her along, that kind of "going limp."

Finally, I coaxed her to the checkout counter, and I started filling out the paperwork for a library card and getting the books ready to go.

"Mommy! Down!" which translates into, "Mommy, put me down right now, or I'll scream!" So, I put her down with a threatening warning (the kind you talk through your teeth to sound "meaner"), "Stay RIGHT HERE!"

"Okay, Momma, stay right here!" She was playing along the counter, then started heading toward the front, the glassed in entry-way to be exact. The kind of glass that you can see all the way outside to, yeah, that kind.

Yes.

She ran, head on into the wall of glass thinking that she was about to escape into the great outdoors.

"TWAPP!" then all the AARP-lovin' ladies behind the counter went, "AHHH!" (in a loud whisper, of course). She didn't cry until they did that.

I scooped her up, filled out an accident form for the librarian, took the books, and ran.

...A mother who keeps better track of her two-year-old at the library.

On The Election

Dear Missourians (and others who may stumble upon this):

I really don't know where to begin. My state let me down on Tuesday. I'm not even talking about democrats taking control of the house and senate. I know that those people will be held accountable by the people of this country and issues will eventually work themselves out. I am strangely okay with that.

What I am not okay with is amendment two. I'm really not. How can anyone (especially 60% of Missourians who voted) think that this is okay? Don't get me wrong, I am all for finding cures to cancer and Parkinson and all the other diseases that plague the people, but is it really worth killing embryos to get it? Did people really know that scientists would be creating embryos not with sperm and eggs, but with purchased eggs and adult stem cells? Do people really know what that means for research? Did people know that this was already legal in good ol' Missouri and that this amendment just makes sure that we can never make it illegal? This is an AMENDMENT to the CONSTITUTION of Missouri, People!! Not just some "question" that we can come back to and change later.

Did voters educate themselves on the risks of egg donors? Donors could suffer anything from kidney failure to death after donating eggs to this research. Is this something that I want to pay for as a taxpayer? Nope.

The research is bad enough, but knowing that my tax dollars could go to fund this research is outrageous. It makes me not want to pay taxes for the rest of my life, but I will.

It's so sad that we no longer link church and state, but we can pass this kind of research into our constitution. Sad.

Here's a conversation I had with a fellow sad person regarding the election on Tuesday:

KG: I cannot believe that McCaskell got elected! How can people not see through her??!!
Me: Well, I watched some of the debates, and Talent didn't look so hot himself...
KG: How watches those things anyway?
Me: [huff] I do!
KG: That's right! Informed voters! That's who! How many people do you think are uninformed voters?
Me: I don't know? 50% or 75% maybe?
KG: I'll tell you, over 60% because that's how many voted for Amendment 2!!
Me: [trying not to laugh] I see what you mean...


It's not funny, but it is. And, BTW, darn you people who voted for Amendment Two because you felt sorry for the people in the commercials. Darn you.

Sincerely,
Former Embryo, Rachel

on behalf of former embryos everywhere, including my daughter Madeline Grace

Trick Or Treat!

Last night was a blast. Madeline was on top of her game as a princess. She had the pink dress, the clip on ear rings, the septor, and (of course) the tierra. We walk to downtown "The 'Burg" and followed a huge line of trick-or-treators around the block. Local business (and local politians campaigning) opened their doors (and cars... weird, but strangely normal, I think) to kids looking for a safe place to get candy. I was happy to see that the kids came with adults/parents; so the place wasn't just overrun by kids. Maddie didn't really get into saying, "Trick or Treat;" she more or less just held her bag up for people to put candy in. The funny thing was that if she didn't see them put the candy in she would just leave her bag up there... and if there was more than one person in a location handing out candy, she was sure to put her bag up for both people!! It was very cute. Toward the end (note that we walked about 4 blocks there and around was another 4 blocks or so), I would ask her if she wanted to get in her stroller, "No Thank you, Momma." But she was so, so tired. I'll post pictures when I get them developed. She was too cute. We got more candy than we needed for sure... so if you come visit us, we'll give you candy, probably until Christmas!

Oh, yeah. I dressed up as a pirate.

Bear with Me

Disclaimer: Venting

I love school, and I am thrilled that I have that going in my life right now. I really am. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have that going for me right now.

Recently, I did something unsmart. It wasn't stupid, at least not enough to be labled "stupid," it just wasn't smart. I emailed an old friend that I had tried to call before I moved. His phone number had changed. Who changes their phone number and doesn't tell a friend. So, wanting full closure on what I thought was a friendship, I emailed him. It wasn't the kind of email popping in your mind right about now... No, there was no cursing or drama. Just a simple, Hi, I'm happy. I'm hoping you are too, kind of thing. No questions that prompted a response. He responded with his phone number and a direct request to call him. I responded with my stupid closure excuse and that I would not call. If he wanted to talk that he could call me. I even put my phone number in the email...

He (gasp of sarcasm here) hasn't called. But now I'm having thoughts that perhaps I shouldn't have let that friend break away. Perhaps, I should not have severed that tie. I know it's for the best. But we had been friends for awhile and letting go has never been my thing, but now I know that "it's" over. Whatever "it" was. I don't like non-happy endings. Though it wasn't a sad ending either. But everything has to end. I suppose I am jsut spoiled by the fact that I have life-long friends and when I have to lose someone that I have been really close to, it just doesn't seem right to me. C'est La Vive.

Okay, I'm done. Thanks for listening; have a great day!

Friday

My 11am class was cancelled, now I have to wait around for my 2pm class. I am "working" on a paper. You can tell how hard I am working, can't you?

I developed more film this week. One of the rolls had been in my purse forever. What was on it? Pictures from when Madeline was just a couple of months old up to her first birthday. She was so little!! I cannot believe how time has passed! She is such a little lady now, not so much a baby!

H'ville Homecoming is tonight. I am going to at least some of the game. Probably not the whole thing; I sincerely doubt that Madeline can sit still that long.

That's all for now... Have a great weekend.

Pictures of Life

I love taking picutres of my daughter... These are of an adventure with a catapillar... notice the "redneck" overalls? And it's not the "being overalls" that makes them redneck. Enjoy.





Some of the pictures I took vertically... I like some of those better, but you all would be straining your necks to see them as I don't think that I can rotate after I upload them here. Please, please correct me if I'm wrong.

Life as a Student/Mother/Slacker

**Edit**
So, my program/major requires that all students have either a minor or a "cognative area." The difference? Cognative area is about half the hours. I hadn't declared and finally asked one of my advisors about this today... he showed me that I have enough French to cover my cognative area! I don't have to worry about it! Now, this may not be big news to you, but it is to me!! Scratch that off of my "Things to Worry About Later List!" Now, back to your regularly scheduled blog:

Okay, maybe a slightly reformed slacker. And maybe not a slacker so much as a procrastinator. I should be studying for my first mid-term, but I'm not. I should be starting a paper, but I'm not. And last night rather than studying, I watched United 93, and bawled almost the whole time. I couldn't help remembering all the fear that I felt then... Okay, I didn't even post on 9/11 this year... That's enough, Rachel (yes, I'm talking to myself).

I recently took in a couple of rolls of (gasp!) film into be developed. Two of the rolls were fairly old (a year?) and one of them had a few pics of our Christmas last year. They are really cute. I forgot my disk, or I would be posting them. I had one roll from just here recently, but it's taking longer to develop. SOMEONE (who I love dearly and will be my daughter forever, so is highly forgivable) switched my camera to panoramic during this last roll... They may cost more to develop too... I knew I should have just gotten the disk! (Can I make up for not posting pictures by having all sorts of fun links??)

What I have accomplished so far this week:
1. Watched Rainbow Bright
2. Bought The Little Mermaid
3. Rented Grey's season two, disks one and two
4. Typed a paper
5. Read Bridges of Madison County
6. Walked a mile (m/l, more I think) pushing a stroller
7. Looked at my midterm study guide
8. Went to classes
9. Ate dinner with a friend
10. Made it to the bank (in LS)
11. Had a weird "reaction" to Bridges of Madison County that kept me up until 2am.

To Do:
1. Quit thinking about Bridges of Madison County
2. Read Hatchet (for school assignment)
3. Study for midterm
4. Finish watching Grey's
5. Go for another walk (it made me feel better, even if it killed my back)
6. Pack for the wedding (Keri's getting married on SATURDAY)
7. Remind two teachers that I will be gone on Friday
8. Sleep. By 10pm at least one night
9. And remind myself that most of this needs to be done while Madeline's asleep or at daycare.
10. Tell Madeline's daycare that she will be gone on Friday
11. Sleep... Is that already here?


Is that enough info, Danielle?

Oh! And I had to post this for a funny...

WOMAN'S POEM

• Before I lay me down to sleep,
• I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
• One who's handsome, smart and strong.
• One who loves to listen long,
• One who thinks before he speaks,
• One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
• I pray he's gainfully employed,
• When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
• Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
• Massages my back and begs to do more.
• Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
• Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
• I pray that this man will love me to no end,
• And always be my very best friend.

MAN'S POEM

• I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
• who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This
• doesn't rhyme and I don't give a da#*.

Okay, I thought was funny... Laugh!

weekend fun

My cousin Keri is getting married on October 7th. I am pretty sure that I posted about it, but I'm currently too lazy to go dig up that post for you to link to. I think it was called "We're Going to the Chapel." Anyway, Saturday night was her bachlorette party. We had so much fun. I don't think that I have ever had that much fun with people that I barely know ever. My legs are so sore from dancing today though that I didn't think that I would make it up to the third floor. Yeah, we had that much fun. More later, I'm attempting to check my email, and the compture's not letting me into yahoo.com. Weird.

Nightmare Free, and counting

Free for 3 nights now... If only I could sleep. I didn't get Madeline to bed until 11:30, I stayed in there until midnight to make sure she was asleep. I laid in my bed for over two hours until I could fall asleep. Seriously. Seven thirty came all too early. I don't know how Danielle does the staying awake for days at a time thing.

I let Madeline sleep in this morning until about 8:15. Who wants a grumpy two year old? Pas moi!! But I had showered and brushed and make-up'd already. When she did get good and awake, she looked at me and said, "Pretty." I don't know if she was fishing for a compliment through her messy hair and half pj'd and half normal clothes or saying it to me. I'm going with "to me." Which was too cute. But I knew that!

When I got her to daycare, the director again came up to me and told me how well my daughter is doing. She said that her skills and vocabulary make her seem older than just over two. Makes this mom swell a little. Just to know that someone (unbias, b/c you ppl would fit into the "bias" category) else knows that she's intelligent beyond her years.

I'm still Here

So, I haven't updated.... I can't really say why. I'll state the, "Uh, I was busy" excuse. And I have been. School is taking time. Which was expected. And I LOVE it. I love school. I'm such a nerd. I really feel like this is where I belong, and I am kicking myself for not taking this leap a year or so earlier.

I haven't been sleeping well lately though, and that mixed with the, "Uh...busy," makes things just down right tiring. Madeline's been having night terrors or really bad nightmares this week. In fact, last night was her first night without them for a whole week. I'm still tired, but I feel better after a whole's night's sleep than I have all week. As I yawn three times in a paragraph. It's just because I was thinking about it.

Happy weekend.

Why TV is important

I had no idea there was anything of note going on the world until I got to Government at 12:30 today. Really. You people with TV should be ashamed of yourselves for not writing about it. Afterall, I want to know about these things. Sort of.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14717778/

PS-- I have a TV, just no way to get reception without cable or "rabbit ears."

On Getting Older...

This morning "The Princess" and I slept in. It was nice, but I like to have her to "school" before 9, as her "class" starts around 9am. We awoke at 8am. I decided to get her ready and forego my normal pick out clothes, etc. for myself (don't worry, I did brush and wash before we left). I grabbed a clean long sleeved Tee from the drawer. As I was putting it on, I realized that this particuliar shirt was nearly five years old. Besides that, there were OLDER Tees lying next to it. Tees from 1999. Seriously. I put on the long sleeved "Thespian" shirt and went on my way.

On campus today, I joked in my head (I do that instead of talking out loud to myself), that some other girl had "my" back pack, and that I should bet her that mine was older. Then I realized how old mine was and wanted to cry. I realized that my ex bought this back pack for my for my nineteenth birthday. I'm 23.

(British) Literature, Literature (for Adolescence), (American) Literature

My one o'clock class was cancelled. The 2nd of the 2 of the classes that I really enjoy on Monday and Wednesdays. Literature for Adolescence. I climbed three flights of stairs only to see the posting. I had been two doors down for my eleven o'clock class and did not see this sign. But I have to climb those same three flights to pludge to my two o'clock. Skipping sounds very appealing at the moment. Two o'clock is early American Lit with is really, really reminding me of Mrs. Cockill's class, for the reasons I didn't want to remember about that class. This professor, it seems, likes to hear her own voice and be right. All the time. All. The. Time. It drives me batty. I know that this is the stuff that we HAVE to read for early American Literature, but it's so dull. But it's all that's there. I'm determined as a teacher to teach what I can stand of this, and let the history books do the rest. That's all the literature is from that era is recorded history. Dry. Dull. I'll take Beowulf any day!

Speaking of, that's what my first paper is on coming up for my British Lit class. We have one translations of Beowulf in our books, but we have to find another one and compare the two. Fully opinion (which is my kind of paper!), and I can get one paper out of the way early. This is the third time I've studied Beowulf, so if I don't have it now, I never will! (Once in HS, once in Intro to Lit @ NW, and now!)

For art, I'm needing to find a current event to do a presentation on. But we can't repeat someone else's presentation. I don't present until October 26... I think that I'll have to wait until like the 20th to even pick a topic and hope that no one takes it between then and the 26th.

Jessica-- You may think I was a little harsh on the iPod peeps... but I have yet to get one iPod-listening-messenger-bag-toting-soul to make eye contact. No, not one. No, not one. You, my dear friend, seem to be an exceptional person, but then, you knew that.

Danielle-- Yes, yes, I'm getting old. The big 2-3. That's way old. But then it's not the number. It's the mentality, I think. I again heard a drunken weekend story that I believe would have abhorred my conscience being 3-4 years ago. A story of strippers in one hotel room and "girls gone wild" in the other. Chills down my spine. Great nipple story to you though.

I'm wearing my "Mom" bracelet today. It makes me smile just to see it. I got "the lip" when I dropped Miss Mad off at "school" this morning. As my late grandpa would have said "a bird could have perched..." well, I'm not going to say what he always did. She didn't cry; she just pouted. It still made me a little sad, but I know once she started in on the cinimon roll, she was going to be fine. The director was right there to help her into breakfast and get her to class too.

I think we're all settled into our place. Officially. I threw away boxes and more boxes in Tuesday's trash collection. It took three trips to get them all to the road. I hung up pictures like crazy on Monday; the only one's I have left at the Wizard of Oz ones. That's b/c I have 2 of those. I don't like groups of two on the wall. I think I'll have to deal, but I may ask for another pic from the parental units for Christmas.

Monday, Monday

I've been to college before. I really have. I just now have an insanely conservative outlook on life in general now. Well, maybe not "insane," but close. My wild weekend included popcorn and kisses from my daughter. I heard some guy ask another if anyone got arrested at his party on Saturday night. I think I shot them an accidental look of surprise. I shouldn't have. They are acting like college boys do, but it's just so different for me. Really. Maybe I'm just turning into my mother earlier than I thought I would be.

Another thing-- besides the drunken behavior talk-- no one talks to each other here. They're all too busy talking on their phones, texting, or listening to their dang iPods. Now, I'm all for technology, but I came to school so that I would have to be constantly answering phones all day. Really.

Too Darn Hot

The boys? No, they could never be.... It's too hot to be walking all over the free world looking for my classes. Seriously. Okay, maybe it's not that bad. Perhaps, if I shed a few pounds it would be a little easier.

I'm in the "Computer Commons" area right now... there's a baby a few rows back that the mother is "Sushing." It's cracking me up. I don't know why, but it is... I guess, just b/c it's not me!

I should be doing some homework now, but, oh, wait, what's that? I'm DONE. I did it last night and don't have a class until noon. I'm not used to working ahead. I realize that this is just the first week and I will have plenty to do in the coming weeks, but I am welcoming the break for now!

Okay, enough. Back to wandering aimlessly around campus.

Moving, Being Moved, and the Black Hole (aka, My New Laundry Room)

I realize it's been awhile, but I don't have internet at my new place and haven't trecked it to the library until today. My classes start in less than an hour and my stomach is going CRAZY with butterflies. It was three years ago this semester that I was pregnant... wow.

We're still settling into our new place. I still have a box here and there to unpack, but we're there for the most part. Madeline is still getting used to the idea of her own bedroom. And bed for that matter so it's going to be a little bit of a battle I think. But she has really cute bed stuff!!

I'm really excited about Mad's new daycare. It seems great... but she was not very excited about it this morning. She cried more than I ever want to see her cry when I leave her anywhere. I know she'll be fine, but I have to admit I cried too. No matter how much I think I'm doing the right thing here, I still have doubts.

I'm very excited that my new place has a dishwasher and washer and dryer. I cannot tell you how excited I am without you actually witnessing this goofy grin I have on my face right now. However, our laundry room is in the basement. I have to walk outside and down a hill to get there. And it's REALLY a basement. An unfinished on at that. It will be a little scary, and I have a felling that I'll lose some great clothes to the dryer. (Violen here please)

One thing that I will get used to is looking at college boys again. As long as they don't speak, they're perfect. Just kiddding. Sort of. Off to class. I hope you enjoyed the update. Have a great day.

Growl

Having a bad day at work... Only 4 days left. If you hear me whispering this, it's because it's my mantra (sp?). "Only 4 days..."

[note: I'm not as bi-polar as I may seem on here... I can have a bad day right after a great day and not be bi-polar, right?]

Happy Day

Thanks for your birthday wishes, Danielle and Jessica!

I had a happy day. Really. Madeline and I spent the night before at my parents so that we could wake up to a nice cool house for once... Before we were totally awake yesterday, she started singing, "Happy birthday to you..." Now, I don't know if that was random or what, but it was very cute and made my day! Madeline was soon at daycare, and I headed to "The Burg" (as I'll call it here) to cover some school/daycare/misc. Business. I got my $45 parking pass (ouch!), my info on health insurance, my promisary note signed, application for child care "help" filled out, and toured a GREAT daycare facility there. I'm enrolling my monster, I mean, daughter as soon as possible. It's a very structured daycare, that I didn't think I would ever want, but there is so much room for these kids to play and learn. They have a preschool in the morning with reading and music and art and science from 9 to 11 every day (and recess). I'm very excited about this place. Very. I'm mailing the enrollment form today. Yes, I'm that excited.

Went to LATE lunch with Danielle S. (who clearly sympathizes with me one being old, unlike DW... j/k). That was fun... it's always great to catch up.

I was going to go home and take a little cat nap before dinner, but I decided to pick up my daughter early from daycare and go to the park. Yes, it was hot, but she had fun for the whole 20-30 minutes I let her play. I didn't have a hat for her with me, and she was saying that her hair was hot (we did have sunscreen for the rest of her though, no worries). We caught up with "Granny and Pa Pa" at "Pa Pa's office" and headed to Longhorn for dinner. I only chose that place for the Chocolate Stampede. Yes, it was great! (And, bonus, we got it for free b/c I told the server I wanted that instead of the normal one!)

It really was a great day... I'm excited about getting totally moved and getting started with school. I'm ready. Thanks again for the birthday wishes, you gals are the best.

PS-- found my phone! (Note for posterity: always check your pockets)

So that's what happens...

If you haven't heard from Danielle or Jessica... I went out with them and a few others on Friday night. I was a little nervous leaving Madeline with a new sitter (not that it was the sitter that made me nervous, just the fact the Maddie's two and can act very, very two... that made me nervous). We had a blast. Danielle and Jessica called it a night (like normal people would) around 11:30 or so, I think. The others and this mom? Well, I didn't get home until after 2am. The last time that I stayed up that late... was... well... maybe sometime that Madeline couldn't sleep... or was sick... it's been years otherwise. Our friend Danielle S turned 23 on the 27th and we were celebrating.

But I lost my cell phone. Not at the restaurant. Not at the bowling alley (which was very, cool). Nope, not at the bar (where there seemed to be an abundance of men! Yea!). Not even at the babysitter's house where I picked up Madeline. I had it right after that. I checked the time. No, sometime in my 2am daze, half-asleep state, I lost my cell phone. It will turn up. I know it will. The battery's dead so I can't call it and find it either. So, don't call or text me. Well, you can call, just leave a voicemail, with your name and number (b/c Lawd knows, those are all in my cell phone), and I'll check the messages and call you back when I can. E-mail works too.

But it was worth it. Even if I never find that dang phone, it was worth it. Thanks for a great night out.

Positive Thinking

*My mother's leg will heal. She will be less stir crazy... eventually.
*My daughter will not be two forever.
*We are moving to "The 'Burg" (I signed the lease and everything!)
*My parents will have to call and make plans to come over.
*Two bedrooms will be much better than one.
*One dishwasher will be much better than none.
*My own washer and dryer will be Magnificent. Even if they break.
*Having a little deck and yard (maintenance free, mind you) will be peaceful.
*My landlord NOT living downstairs is a definate plus.

All for now.... sorry so cryptic.... Out of time AND energy... never a great combo.

*I'm annoyed that everyone else in the county needs to go to Wal*Mart at the same time as I do.
*I'm annoyed that there are only 2 Wal*Marts in my county.
*I'm annoyed...gas prices.
*I'm annoyed that my 10 year old cousin is staying at my parents and requires as much attention as my two year old.
*I'm annoyed that I decided to take them both to Wal*Mart.
*Annoyed that school hasn't started yet.
*I'm annoyed that I'll be 23 in less than a month.
*I'm annoyed that I'm so annoyed.
*I'm annoyed that this all is not as humorous as it was last night in my head.

10 unspoken thoughts

I stole this from Missing JT Snow who stole it from Kami. Try it yourself - List ten things you want to say to people you know but you never will, for whatever reason. Don't say who they are. Use each person only once:

1. I want to laugh at you everytime I think about you. I avoid your family, friends and former friends like the plague just because I 'm afraid I'll say something I'll regret, like, "You got what you deserved." And I hope by now, you can keep it in your pants.

2. I have to admit that I wasn't sure about your relationship at first, but I am truly happy for you now.

3. You've been there for me since kindergarten, and I've always felt like we had something in common with the "country bumkin" in us compared to everyone else. I'm sorry that I didn't call on your birthday. I'm a selfish friend. Hope it was happy.

4. We've never been that close, but weirdly I know more about you in the last couple of years than I ever did growing up. Thanks for starting a blog.

5. Get over yourself already. The whole world is NOT against you. You are against change in the world. Grow up and face it like a WOman.

6. Listen to me you immature little prick, I don't care what you are doing now. I don't care that I am not getting money from you anymore, but I do care that what you think doesn't matter DOES. And that you think you can walk back anytime you want, you can't.

7. I wish I had the power to tell you, "No." I have the power in my head, but then you call and it's gone. Like magic. Like the magic we used to have. I would do (almost) anything for you. And almost anything to have you back.

8. I love you with all my heart. You are my favorite person on the whole planet. I never knew that one person could change my life so much, so quickly, so completely.

9. No matter what, I'm always here for you. I hope that you can talk to me about stuff. I know that I'm way into "mom" world, and I'm starting to sound like my mom... but I hope that you can always ask my advice or for an ear to listen, even if you never plan on heeding my advice or talking very loud.

10. You're so thoughtful. whenever I'm having a bad week. I know that you'll send something that will cheer me up. Whether it's a little letter in the mail, pictures or an email or a comment. Whatever it is, you make me smile. Thanks for being so great. You have no idea what it means. I'm sorry that I'm not so hot at returning the favor.

Memorable

Friday night was my dad's side of the family Independence Day celebration. We always try to move it around to accomidate as many as possible. This year we wanted to make sure my "little" brother was going to be there (he works Sat., Sun., and Mon. nights). We were having a great time. One of Grandma's cousins was there which Dad hadn't seen in over 30 years. Dad went over board on fireworks even more than usual this year. Probably to celebrate his indepence from children as this is his first in 33 years that he hasn't had at least one child living at home. On the finale round of fireworks, all the "boys" got in close to light the massive round of boxes that held the fireworks. They'd all read the directions, including my brother. When Matthew (that's my "little" brother) leaned into light his "box," the aerial shell blasted out of the box, and into his forehead and one skimmed the side of his face and his right ear. He was thrown to the ground. I was standing on the deck; then I was running. He got up holding his head and the side of his face. When he got into the light, we all could see that he had black powder all over his face and the hugest goose egg anyone had ever seen in the middle of his forehead. Hugest. He was bleeding just a little on the side of his face. That was pretty much the end of my good mood for the evening.

Madeline and I went home late. Got to sleep late. Woke up late. I awoke at about 9:30 to my phone ringing. It was my older brother. "Sorry to wake you." That's not a good thing to hear first thing in the morning. "Mom tried to out-do Matthew this morning."

"What?!"

"Well, I guess Mom was walking down the stairs into the kitchen this morning, she fell and broke her left leg. Pretty bad. Mom and Dad are at the hospital right now."

I was still thinking that this was a dream, in my non-wakeful state.

But it's all true. Cross my heart. Mom had surgery on Saturday afternoon. 6 screws and one plate in her leg right about her ankle. She's on crutches and moving a little slow, but okay.

Both of these happenings could have been worse. We're counting our blessings.

Friday, June 30, 2006

This morning I woke up. I went to work. Now I'm at the library. Later I have a family thing. Next week Madeline's daycare is closed (lucky me). I have to go to the Post Office before I get back to work. Oh, the exciting days of our lives...

Welcome to "Our World"

Jessica-- so glad you got a blog... I know that I have your phone number, and I know that you have email, and I know that you have text messages, and I know that we have been friends since we were four, but this somehow seems so much easier... Welcome.

Visit Jessica at the Psych Ward!

Potty Training [Warning, may be TMI]

Madeline awoke before I wanted to. I set her up with breakfast snacks, Dora, and a new diaper and went back to bed [note that my bedroom and TV are 12' away from each other]. After the first Dora episode was over, Madeline walked into the bedroom, said, "Diaper change, Momma!" and handed me her diaper (she also told me what was in it, but I'll leave out the 'gory' details).

Then was bath time. After bath I had her sit on the potty. She finally went in the potty. She heard it looked down then gave her famous surprise face. I almost cried. We're on our way to a diaper-free home!!

PS-- please don't taunt her by telling her that I posted this in say, 11 years, or so...

Update, from the loony bin

I went to a not so sad funeral today. Well, it was still sad. I'm still human; I still don't want to lose anyone close to me, but it was a celebration. Pearl attended the little church that I grew up in from the 40's or 50's until 2 or 3 weeks ago. I will miss her, but everyone there today knew that she's gone on to a better place. Why do I bring this up to you? Because I played the piano at the funeral. Nervous as all get out? Yes, yes, I was. I played my first funeral.

Madeline's 2. She bit me today. Actually, about an hour ago. Still have red teeth marks. I bit her back. But I'm running out of options and patience for this.

Update on moving: I'm working in Harrisonville now instead of Pleasant Hill. Closer to home, farther from school. Therefore, I have decided that we aren't moving until AT LEAST August, maybe later, depending on what we find. I may decide to drive for the semester. I doubt it, but I may. I'm itching to have my own bedroom again.

I was going to post some pictures, but it's taking too dang long. Next time maybe.

We're goin' to the Chapel, and we're, goin' to get...

Mar-ar-ar-aried. Okay, not "we" as in "me" and "someone." "We" as in my cousin Keri and her fiance Daniel decided to get hitched this coming October. Excited for her? Yes I am. Congratulations, Keri and Daniel. I tried to find some embarrasing pictures to post, but no luck. Guess that will come later. Hee hee hee. Congratulations again. I love you both.

On Being the Mommy of a Two Year Old, Part 2

Madeline's birthday was fun. She got some cute little dress up toys and a little Dora doll for her birthday. She also had a little party at datcare, complete with homemade cupcakes. I think she had a good day.

I've been stressed and trying not to write about it here, but I have to. I don't have to, but I am going to anyway. Madeline and I were getting child support checks for just a little while. The amounts were anywhere from $30 to $60 per week. Then they stopped. No word from the state or from the deadbeat. They just stopped. The state sent me a letter telling me that they were looking for him (or his current employer), but no more checks. No deadbeat. For all I know, the guy's dead. Not just living up to his current reputation. He didn't even call on her birthday. Granted, he wasn't there for the birth, so it might be a little hard for him to remember the date. But he didn't call or text or email. Nada. Zip. Zero. Can I call the state and force him to reliquish any rights that he may have at this point? Because, even though I wouldn't have a real conversation with said deadbeat anymore, I'm almost in tears writing this... realizing how much my dad has meant to me, and that he won't ever be a dad. Just a deadbeat. He didn't even call on her birthday.

Happy, Happy Day

This morning, my darling daughter was doing the same thing at 7:15 am that she was two years ago. Screaming her head off. I just smiled, hugged her, and told her "Happy Birthday." Though, I wanted to cry too. How in the world am I the mother of a "Terrible Two"? Is that even possible? Well, it is. And she's a perfect two year old. In every way. I am truly blessed with a wonderful daughter. I couldn't ask for one better. Happy, Happy Birthday, Princess Madeline. Happy Birthday.

Just Another Day

Madeline can count in Spanish... it's really, really funny. Especially since this mommy hasn't taken any Spanish classes (successfully anyway). I'll have to figure out the whole audio/video clip someday to show you all, but I just got the pictures to work! One thing at a time. Really.

My Uncle Bob (dad's youngest brother) just called, I guess my Aunt Barb (dad's middle sis) is in ICU. Please pray and keep her in your thoughts.

On a happier note-- here's more Madeline pics:

Madeline vs. Marshmellow



My Very own Cat in the Hat


Madeline's Favorite Hat (with one of her favorite uncles in the background there)

Here's the famous "Surprise Face"

Ah, Breathe

Finals are over.

Summer classes begin on Monday.

City wide garage sale is this weekend. I need a dining room set.

I got my summer books via DHL when I ordered them USPS. Darn that extra $12!

I got at least one A and one B for the Spring Semester.

I think I'm going to minor in Spanish. I think.

I have Monday off.

Happy Birthday Harry S Truman.

I haven't set a date for Madeline's party... I'll let you know...

but Finals are over. Spring semester is over. I got at least an A and a B.

On Being the Mommy of a Two Year Old

I'm writing this as she's beginning a tantrum. Though it seems short lived. She wants a popsicle. We have a policy ("One per customer, per day," as my dad says). She knows this policy. She's had two today. Could explain the current attitude. Possibly. I'm not ready for the terrible two. Better yet, I'm not ready to be a full time student and the mother of a two year old. I am experiencing some great "What if's" right now as it's difficult to find a moment to carry all my groceries inside. But all that aside, I'm still not ready. I've had over two years to prepare for this. I haven't read enough books. Babysat enough kids. Done any case studies. What do I do if my neighbor turns me in to DFS while she's throwing a fit? Smile and try to talk my way out of it? I'm sure we'll be fine. But good Lord Almighty; where does the time go?

Hide and Seek

This game is becoming more and more a part my adult life... Madeline LOVES to play this at Grandma and Grandpa's (there are more places to hide, of course). Especially in the kitchen...





Here is our new favorite hair style... Okay, Mine! She HATES having her hair brushed or put in a pony or ANYTHING, but it looks cute when she lets me...

My Allergies just make me sneeze...

But Madeline's allergies make her a rare spotted toddler. The kind you see on the Discovery Channel... okay, maybe not that bad. But for those of you with children or those of you who want to have children... do NOT use adult sun screen on a (almost) two year old. Especially if she won't swallow liquid Benedryl. Just for future reference.

Life's Not Fair

This is my dad's favorite cliche for me. He says it everytime I complain to him about something, but it's probably the best advice anyone could go by. No matter how many laws we have, no matter how many people we have to uphold them, in our lives we will feel cheated; we will feel that someone less deserving than we got the "gold," if you will.

My younger brother and I are fairly close, as siblings go. We try to watch out for each other and talk on a weekly (or bi-weekly) basis. Every now and again, we go fun places like Wal-Mart. In the past 2+ years, we've been to Wal-Mart together quite a few times. He went there with me a few times when I was pregnant, and now sometimes we go with my daughter... Sometimes people mistake us for a couple, but they are swiftly corrected and embarrassed. I'd say that we are known to :many: (as many goes around here) by being the children of local business owners. It has its rewards and drawbacks. We both know lots of kids and parents also through the Christian school we attended through eighth grade. Two years ago, I was mostly belly and all hormones. Matthew and I went to Wal-Mart to grab something for our mother (he was a senior in high school at the time). We walked by a mother of a girl that Matthew had gone to school with all the way through at the Christian school. She said hi to him and walked away. I (even with as hormonal as I was) didn't think a thing of it. Matthew told me later that that same mother nearly ALWAYS stopped and talked to him at places like Wal-Mart. I was almost offended. I was offended when it happened again after I had my baby, the same mother mind you.

Now, I have had tremendously wonderful outreach from my church and my Christian friends. But it's the Christian acquaintances who have not been nice to me since my pregnancy. It's the friends of friends who make comments to my mother and my brother who really make life not fair. It's the little ripples that one pregnancy (which is no one's business but my own; I'm the one who has to take it up with God) that really, really irk me. These ripples make me want to say, "I hope that makes you less of a sinner than I am," out of spite.

I am human, and I do make mistakes. I will always make mistakes; no matter how hard I try to be like Christ. But, "Life's not fair." And I must go on.

[Insert Fanfare Here]

This is my 100th post. I'm also edging on one whole year as a "blogger." Craziness. I was thinking that I would have something earth shattering to write, but alas, nothing much new. I have gotten some "sad" responses when I tell people that I am moving 45 minutes away from my current home. IT'S 45 MINUTES! And, the people that have said anything, I DON'T SEE NOW. I'm am extremely excited about taking this step into a new life. Don't burst my bubble, People. Okay, It's no one in blogger world. It's the real world that's popping my bubble and not looking back. But then, isn't that always the way? It's the real world that kicks your butt? Okay, that was supposed to be a little funny, but it wasn't. Sorry about that.

I have one short story to finish and an aesthetics paper to write in the next week and a half. I have no freakin' clue what to write my aesthetics paper on. I was thinking something along the lines of Grammar in America's Colleges and Universities, but my teacher made a big deal about "Whose Grammar? Yours or the Queen's?" So, now, I don't have a clue.

In other news, I'm positive that the terrible two's are coming soon... more on that in less than a month...

In other, other news, I'm getting a bicycle sometime in the near future (for sure). I'm planning on living close enough to campus to ride to school in The Burg and to the park from our apartment in the mean time. I already have the cute little helments and stuff!

Last (but not least), Happy Birthday to my dear (twenty-something) friend, Krystle. Hope you have a great day... see you Saturday.

Re: Fall 2006, and the Rest of This Mom's Life

Apparently, the state of Missouri (or at least CMSU) wants poor people to go to school. I got enough financial aid to go and be comfortable with the decision. I'm so, so excited and relieved about this. I am going to pursue my dream to become a teacher, and quickly. I could be done in a year and a half, though I may make it a full two years to make job hunting easier on the both of us. So, you're looking at (well, I guess you can't see me, but you know what I mean) a full time student starting August 2006. More excited than I can express in writing. Which says an abundance--I'm an English major, after all.

Post #98... Re: Fall 2006

I had my Psychology class last night. It went very well. I'm really hoping to study my butt off and ace that class too. That would be great. Greater than great for my GPA too. My teacher is not making us come the last week of class. We will have our final on the 26th and the class on May 3rd is optional to see how we did. Very cool. He let us out early after the review last night. I got to my mom and dad's to find that they were still at church. I snagged some of their food and found the mail. I received a very thin letter from CMSU (rarely good news). I put off opening it until after I ate something.

All that was in it was instructions to access my financial aid information for the upcoming school year on line. Ok, ten steps. I managed to get my dad's wireless to work for that long, and....

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wait for it...

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pause...

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this was, after all the news I'd been waiting for...

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to decide whether or not to go full time...

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and since I'm milking it...

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what do you think happened next?

It's in the Little Things

Me: achoo-achoo-ach00-achoo [note: yes, that a normal Rachel sneeze]

Madeline: Bless-you!

***

Saturday: I couldn't sleep in, but Madeline did. I was getting dressed... all of a sudden I see her head PoP out of the covers, "Hi, Momma!"

"Hi, Madeline!"

"Sleepin'?"

"Were you sleeping?"

"Yeah."

"Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah."

"Good Morning, Maddie."

"Morning, Mommeeee."

***
"Momma? Momma? Momma?"

"Madeline? Madeline? Madeline?"

"Blues Clues!"

"Do you want to go to Grandma and Grandpa's or watch Blues Clues?"

"Grandpa?"

"Yes, which do you want to do?"

"Grandpa."

"Okay."

"Momma?"

"Madeline?"

"Blues Clues?"

***

My Niece looking at Madeline's new pictures: "OOh, Aunt Rachel, Madeline's pretty!"

"Yes, and you and brother are good-looking kids too, Samantha."

"No, I'm beautiful, and brother's handsome, Rachel."

"Yes, that's right, Samantha."

***

Thursday or Friday, I went to my parents house to give my mom a break, or at least try. I end up carrying Madeline for some fit-throwing reason or another. Daniel (my nephew) says, "Rachel, Madeline's a baby."

"I think she's too heavy to be a baby, Daniel."

"Oh."

First thing he says to his mother after hello when they return from business trip? "Mom, Madeline's not a baby anymore."

***

I was thinking on the way home Saturday night that I needed to get my eyes checked. It's been awhile and the night time is starting to bother me. I was thinking, I'll do it when I get back on some insurance. Then it dawned on me suddenly that I may never have optical insurance. I don't know where that came from, but it hit me hard.

***

I should know this week about school for sure... Oh, I want so badly to go full time...

***

I joined eHarmony a while back... I've reached open communication with one guy... weird way to meet people I know... but at this point... I don't feel like I have a choice.

***

Went to McDonald's with Grandma and Madeline for dinner one night. Madeline and I both had chicken McNuggets and fries. About half-way through the meal... she reaches over and snatched one of my chicken nuggets and goes one eating. It was really comical because I didn't even see it, my mom did.

***

Well, that's all the humor and seriousness I have for this morning... other than, my professor is going to be critiquing stories in front of the class tonight (mine included). Thinking about it is giving my an ulcer... pray for that. Thanks.

"There Goes My Life"

I was freshly 20 and starting a new fall semester at Northwest Missouri State University. I had just gotten my own apartment in May and was very excited about living so close to campus. I didn't have a great summer or a boring summer; I was looking forward to get a kick into the new school year. I had a rough spring semester before that (bad break-up, dorms... That's another story). I had been on a few dates with Chris and was looking forward to breaking that off at the start of the new semester... My sister in law was due soon with her second child. A girl.

I remember that a couple of weeks into the semester it was harder and harder for me get out of bed and make myself go to school. I felt like I had the flu. I was working quite a few hours at Sonic so the fatigue was easily dismissed. I asked for fewer hours. Then suddenly as a car-hop I started noticing all the babies in the cars I was "hopping" to. I remember one baby boy with a mirror on his rear-facing car seat and thought about how cute that was. He stared at me while I brought his parents their food. It dawned on me as a possibility at that moment, but again dismissed. My lovely niece was born on September 18, 2003. The first time I held her, I knew I was pregnant. I don't know how. I was only 4 or 5 weeks at that point, but I knew I was pregnant as soon as her tiny body cuddled up to me. I still dismissed it though as some sort of weird getting older-not-being-a-teen-anymore thing.

A couple of weeks later, the thought wouldn't go away (and I had missed my period). I was home for a weekend. I was really worried about it. Krystle and I were hanging out... We decided to find out for sure. I was really low on cash, but had just gotten a gift card from my dear friend Jessica for my birthday in August from Target. So, to Target we went. I bought a pregnancy test and a skirt**... We took the box to the Wal-Mart in Harrisonville where I took the test. It was positive right away. I don't remember if I cried right then or not, but I remember telling Krystle that I wouldn't tell my parents until I'd been to the doctor.

I made an appointment at the college health clinic. I sat nervously in the waiting room. A nurse ushered me in and gave me "the cup." I waited in the exam room. She came in looking grave. She confirmed what the Target test had said. She talked to me about what I would do next. She gave me a brochure to the local Planned Parenthood, and I remember shaking me head "No" through the tears. She said,

"I didn't think that you would want that."

She didn't even know me. I told her that I was going to tell my parents the following weekend. I left.

The following week my cell phone rang; it was that nurse. She asked me how it went with my parents and if I was feeling okay. It really meant a great deal to me that she took that time out for me. Someone she didn't even know.

On May 17, 2004 Madeline Grace was born. The best day of my life.

**The skirt I bought was mostly to hide the pregnancy test on the way to the check-out. Turns out, it was a maternity skirt. I didn't even know it.

An Ordinary Tuesday?

So yesterday, well, let's say Monday night, I had a HORRIBLE sinus headache. Good-bye, Winter; hello, Allergies! I took some prescription strength allergy medicine yesterday that knocked me on my butt. So the things I learned in my adventure:

1. Don't take prescription strength allergy medicine and expect to be "sober" all day!
2. Being sick at the end of the month (for work) is not worth it. You're internal clock will still keep you awake while trying to rest.
3. Call your friends if you want to know what the heck is up.
4. Someone will surprise you and make you want to stay on the phone for 20 minutes even though all you wanted to do 20 minutes ago was sleep.
5. You will realize how much you've not grown up when all you want to do is go sit on your mom's couch and veg b/c you're sick.
6. Your phone will ring.
7. You will wake yourself up to make sure you set your alarm.
8. Your mother will check on you, even at 22, and moved out.
9. Your manager will need something, and will call back if you clear her call.
10. Nothing will taste good.
11. Except maybe water. Water will taste good.
12. Your daughter (roommate, siblings, significant other, etc.) will feel fine and like jumping on your bed.
13. You will realize that you want to hear "it" straight from the "horse's mouth," if you will.
14. People should elope more often. It makes it easier to to want to go to just the reception anyway.


I think I'll quit on that even number.

Congratulations Andrea and Roberto! May God Bless you in your new life together! That's all I can say for now...

Celebrate for a Friday!

I'm trying to think of something to write, but really all of my energy right now is going onto work and righting my 2nd short story (which has to be 15 pages). Currently, I'm eating at my desk wondering where the week went. I've been really, really busy.

I have pretty much talked my self into going to school this fall, full time. It's what I really want to do; I just need to make sure I have the funding for it before I start. I won't be receiving a full Pell Grant like I had hoped, but I did get a pretty good tax refund that I put into a savings account that I have very limited access to (and a good interest rate). That money will either pay all my tuition for next semester (then get a grant for living expenses) or pay for half my car loan (and get a loan/grant for the entire amount I need. I will probably get my little grant, borrow some and use about half of my refund money toward my fall semester. I can't enroll until April 6; we'll have to see what I have talked myself into by then. Now, I just have to decide what to do about the living arrangement. I would like to move to Warrensburg, I believe that's the best way to get to spend time with my little one. And, I'll have to switch daycare anyway to receive state aide. I will definitely be eligible for that. The big disadvantage is not being as close to my parents. I know that they will miss Madeline and she will miss them, but the extra 100 miles on my car per day might just be out-weighing that. It's not far enough that we can't come back on a Saturday or Sunday.

I'm a little random in my argument today. I'm tired. It's Friday. Now, if Madeline would just let me sleep in tomorrow. The past two mornings I've had to wake her up to get her ready (and that's been late [7:10]), but I would bet money that she'll be awake at 6:30am tomorrow. C'est La Vive. Have a great weekend!

Getting Older...

I my last post was about a painful injury that had I been 10 years younger, may not have sustained (or at least not to the degree I did... Ouch). My friend DivaDarcie wrote recently about doing "grown up" things, like resumes and a new email address. Other in my age group have complained about NOT being carded when buying alcohol. How old do we look really? You are probably wondering where I'm going with this; well, I promise I have a point.

My daughter and I went to our local bank's drive up last night to make a deposit. The teller commented on my "cool" daughter in her shades, and I had to smile and nod b/c Madeline did look pretty cool. The sweet teller asked if Madeline could have a sucker... She could. I got the candy, my cash and my receipt. I'm putting the car in gear; then the sweet, young, female teller speaks into her crackly microphone thing, "Have a great night Miss C...!" I swallowed hard smiled and drove away. I almost cried. I'm 22 for crying out loud. Ugh. I've gotten "Ma'am" before. I can handle that. But never "Miss C...." I'm 22. Does this get any easier? Seriously? Yet another painful reminder of getting older.

Reasons Why Today, I should have stayed in bed

1. It's Monday. The fact that every Monday is Monday is a great reason to stay in bed.
2. I didn't sleep well with all the talk of tornadoes last night.
3. Sleeping on my parents' couch is not condusive to sleeping (especially when I woke up in the middle of the night to my poor baby crying at the back door [I think she thought everyone left her, although I don't know how she missed me on the couch...]).
4. Sleeping in the same room as my daughter is not condusive to sleep (she attempted to crawl on the sofa with me at approximately 5am).
5. Pain is not condusive to sleep or work. Story time: So I knew that having Madeline's middle name "Grace" might cause some ironic laughter later in life, but I didn't realize that I needed it so much... I fell TWICE yesterday. Not once, but TWICE. The first time, I was walking down my driveway after church (in heels) carrying Madeline. Side note, my driveway is old asphalt and may as well be gravel in most places. I stepped off the side and my ankle gave out, so I twisted my ankle and skinned my knee up pretty dang bad. It hurt. I was more worried at the time about Madeline, but she managed to "land" on her feet. Me? No, on my right knee then my backside. Ouch. Are you ready for the second? I went to my parents to pick up the laundry that I couldn't carry on Saturday, when the storm started raging outside. I went outside with my dad to put my car out in his shed to avoid hail damage. Right after we got it put away, it quit raining (only for a moment), so I took off for the house in my cute pink flip flops. Who knew the garage floor could be so slick? I fell the SAME way I did the first time (minus the ankle thing). Yeah, my knee throbbed for a couple of HOURS. It has a goose egg too. I don't think that I have ever had a goose egg on my knee; I could be wrong. But this is pretty dang painful. I took Tylenol last night in hopes to ease the pain. Yikes.
6. The receptionist called in sick.
7. Computer issues. Twice. Ugh.

Enough complaining. Back to work.

Spring Break

So this week I don't have school. It's Spring Break. I am keenly aware that it doesn't make a darn bit of difference to me. I just don't have to read after I get off work. I don't have to drive the extra 100+ miles for school this week. Sorry, that was pretty synicle.

But here I go again... You know with all the "going out" I did back in the day, I have never really done anything to celebrate spring break. My Freshman year of college I worked at Sonic through break and Sophomore year, I was already moved home (I worked at Hallmark instead). This year I may actually go out. It will be on Wednesday, and on Thursday I may regret staying out late. It will be worth it.

This past weekend, Maddie and I did lots of nothing. We stayed in ALL day Saturday. It was great. I don't believe that we have stayed home on a Saturday since we moved out. I was pretty frusterated with th amount of wreckage that we can create in one day, but it was fun. She found a "bink" on Sunday before church and was throwing a fit when I tried to take it. So, I gave in. I'm picking my battles. I will rid the home of them soon I'm sure. It can't be long now. We only had 12 or so to begin with....

***

So I typed this on 3/6 and am just now posting b/c I thought I would have something profound to post, but, alas even, no time to write such a post. Best wishes...

Spring?

The weather the past couple of days has been wonderful! It makes me happy to have sunshine and to just put Miss Mad in a spring jacket. She has been in a WONDERFUL mood this week. Every morning getting ready w/o real incident and walking to the car "like a big girl." She's been such a pleasure. I wish that I could take a day off and just spend it with her in this weather. It's so nice!

New developments in Maddie world: There's not much just little things. If you ask her if she's a baby, she says, "Nooo," in a happy tone. She sings her ABC's and "I've Been Working on the Rail Road," "Jesus Loves Me," and "Itsy Bitsy Spider." She's pretty much "Bink Free." (We went on a road trip this weekend to Atchison, KS; she 'needed' it there) She's more and more interested in potty training. I keep thinking we'll have a "normal" weekend that we can really work on it, but we're just going to have to start in the realm of abnormal days and weekends to make it work. She got her hair cut in a salon for the first time on Saturday (just a trim); she was really, really good. I will be taking her places to get her hair cut from now on. That was SOoooooo much easier than trying to cut it at home. Sooo much.

To Do

1. Write Short Story... due Monday 2/27

2. Plan menu for dinners this week (fish sticks won't cut it)

3. Do Dishes... Yuck!

4. Check into internet prices in Harrisonville so I can take 2 summer classes online at my home.

5. Balance checkbook (yuck)

6. Clean out refidgerator (double yuck)

7. Laundry

8. Wait for IRS refund check (patience)

9. Renew my FAFSA for 2006-07

10. Study for Educational Psychology test... 2/22

11. Celebrate knowing that I won't be in escrow for the rest of my life...

12. Check into Warrensburg apartment prices!!

13. Pray about Warrensburg apartment prices.

14. Make a final decision about moving to Warrensburg, and get this degree DONE!

15. Email Q104 about how happy I am that they have the Listen On-line option now!

16. Finish my work "to do list"

17. Finish the work on my work "to do list."

18. Ponder exactly how I have 44 contacts in my phone and call about 10 of them.

19. Remember to not pray for patience anymore... teething toddlers are no fun!

20. Wash the car, inside and out.

21. Remember to take Madeline's diapers into the daycare tomorrow morning.

22. Act like I know what I'm talking about tonight at class, since I DIDN'T read the short stories this week. Oops.

23. Pay bills, elec., gas, and credit cards.

What do you have to do?

Jaded

I'm updating with a lack of enthusiasm today. I'm not in the mood for a "Love Day." I just want to be wearing a big "Bite Me!" sign on my chest. I have said for a little while now, that I don't need someone to be happy. And I don't. I don't have time (or time to make time) for someone in my life. But celebrating "Love" and "Relationships" and all the mushy stuff that goes with it makes me sad that I'm not doing things the "right" way for Madeline. I'm not married (and I won't ever be to her dad), and don't really have anyone lined up to give her life more "normalcy" (as if that really exists).

In fact, I am deeply thinking and praying about a decision that would take her out of the normal realm that she knows right now, and put us both someplace else... Warrensbug. I have meetings on Thursday to go over everything for the possibility of going to school full time this coming fall and living off loans, grants, and WIC (and maybe a part time job). But I really want to do well this time around so I don't want to work, raising Madeline will be quite enough, I think. If I go full time and through this summer, I will be done in 2008 (if not sooner). Madeline will be four about the time I would graduate, and not in kindergarten yet so I can have a chance to move her to wherever I get a job and start her someplace great. Thinking about all this makes my stomach churn. Well... back to work, lunch time is over...

Short Story...

I am enjoying my classes. I really am. Last night I finally met my creative writing Professor-- Dr. Williamson. Last night, I parked in what has become my usual, the visitor's parking and trekked to class. It's not a long walk really. Well, it's long compared to walking into Wal-Mart, but for a college campus, not far. I got to my building after nearly being mauled by a squirrel (seriously) to be "greeted" by a smoking (and I don't mean "hot") red neck in flannel. Nice representation of CMSU, buddy. Then I dug through my change to compile a dollar for dinner (20 oz. Dr. Pepper). I scrambled up the stairs and finished a little reading for the class. The time was then 6pm (time to start) and who struts in? The red neck. No joke. Dr. Williamson walks in with cowboy boots, jeans, flannel jacket and Pall Malls sticking out of his tee shirt pocket. It was the craziest thing ever. Weird.

Toward the end of class, we got into how we are shaped by other people's writing and that we should not get caught up in the political agenda of schools broadening our horizons for us, and not following all the "rules" we are used to. But we have to write a paper that is at least 10 pages, the main character cannot die, and it cannot be about "Harry Potter-like" stuff. How about them apples, huh? It's a class able unconventional writing that we have to write conventionally. I still have NO IDEA what to write about (ideas from you would be great). I'm thinking something humorous, but the idea I have, I liked at first, but not for a 10 page story. Blah. Help. That's my class in a nutshell.

Quickie

I knew that would get your attention:

1. Very frustrated with Madeline's Dad, but he is paying child support now, not willingly.

2. We are 5 days mois la Bink (without the pacifier). I wasn't really trying to get rid of it, but Mad's asked for it a couple of times and I just tell her it's "All gone, Mommy doesn't have a bink." She moves on. I hope it lasts. We'll get her off of it by age 2 as long as Grandma and Grandpa don't let her relapse.

3. It's Friday. YES! I'm ready for a weekend.

4. I have seriously thought about quitting my job, going into debt big time and going to school full time next fall. The farther I get into classes, the more I just want to get done with school. I could work somewhere part time, go to classes and still be a mom, right? Just a thought.

5. So much for a "quickie." This is turning into a regular post.

6. Super Bowl XL is Sunday. Excited? Me? Not so much? The men in my life (you know, my dad) not even that much. Weird.

7. Go to my friend Danielle's site to see some football spirit today.

8. I'm supposed to go "get drunk" at an old friend's next weekend to celebrate her birthday. Pray that I don't want to strangle anyone at the party for being immature. Ugh.

9. Let's see if I can make this a perfect ten post.

10. Is it terrible to be mad at someone and forgive them without even letting them know I was mad in the first place? Maybe not. It's bad to like him though. Build a bridge, Rachel, he's just water below. TMI, I know. Have a great weekend. Perfect ten.

On the mend to Better Again!

Madeline and I are both doing way better. I am back to work (yea! sort of), and Miss Mad's back to school. It is remarkable how much better I feel compared to last week. I have enough energy to consider myself hyper. Though by other's standards, not so much. Just for me.

I have class tonight. Yea! (for real this time) Educational Psych. I like that class. Really. It's very interesting. I am learning more than I thought I would in there, which is great. I forgot my book though, and the teacher told us to bring them to class this week. Oops. Next time...

Back to work from lunch I go... Have a great day!

Cough and Fever to Boot.

I love my mother. I think that everyone should be able to admit this at least once or twice to someone that isn't his or her mother. Really, I think that it could be very therapeutic. You are probably wondering where I'm going with this. Well, as much as I love my mother right now I am thinking, "Mom, you shouldn't have." And I mean it. She shouldn't have. She shouldn't have shared her awful virus with the rest of the family. Computer virus you think? No, we have "techies" (company people on standby as the home compter is shared for dad at the office) who can wipe those out. Not a computer virus at all. It's the dreaded kind of cold or flu virus. I only put the "or" there b/c I have never ached this much in my life from a cold, nor run a fever for more than a day from a cold, but it's all in my head. No comments from the peanut gallery on that one, please. But that's not the worst part. The worst part is not being a sick mom having to take off 3 days of work and hoping to have a job when I go back, no. No, it's caring for a sick child while I am sick. If she feels anything like I do, I know she's miserable, and I hate that for her. I really do. She's run a fever off and on since Wednesday morning and been coughing and sneezing and sleeping and yelling and not sleeping and yelling some more. We went to the doctor on Thursday. He didn't put her on an anti biotic. He said it wasn't that bad yet, and maybe it wouldn't be bad now if SHE WOULD TAKE HER StiNKING MEDICINE!!!!!! Grrr. I cannot MAKE her take it. She spits. She gags. She locks her jaw. She swings her arms in every direction imaginable. I won't even tell you everything. You don't want to read about this forever. Nonetheless, we are still much more sick than I wanted to be on a Saturday night when I could have had plans. Lots of invites for the weekend. Darn this fever. Darn this cough. Darn this lack of sleep. Yes, perhaps I should be sleeping rather than typing, but then who would hear my cry? Who would I complain to? And how much fun would it be to not complain, seriously? I hope we are on the mend and I will be back to work on Monday. She will be back to daycare. As long as the fever's gone. Her's has come back this evening. She was fine most of the day yesterday and most of the day today, but tonight, now, she has a fever. I'm wondering if she's just getting it from me. Maybe, we're just passing it back and forth and we'll never really get better until we have time apart and expose tons of other people who can deal with this in stride. Words to the wise: 1. Avoid me like a plague until I'm better, 2. Don't let my mother babysit if she "just really tired." My mother doesn't get "just really tired" unless she's getting sick. Another life lesson learned. Pick up and move on, Rachel and Madeline, and get well.

...Rise up So Early in the Morn..

Madeline's new favorite song is, (are you ready for this?) "I've Been Working On the Rail Road." She sings along like she does with her ABC's... It's just too cute!

I've been working on the rail-road, all the live-long day, I've been working
on the rail-road just to pass the time away. Don't 'ya hear the whistle blowin'?
Rise up so early in the Morn! Don't 'ya hear the captain shouting, "Dina, Blow
your horn!"?

Dina, won't 'ya blow, Dina won't 'ya blow, Dina won't 'ya blow your Hor or
orN!? Dina, won't 'ya blow, Dina won't 'ya blow, Dina won't 'ya blow your
Horn?

Someone's in the kitchen with Dina, someone's in the kithen I Know ow ow,
someone's in the kitchen with DinaaAA! Strummin' on the ol' banjo...

Singing' "Fee Fi, Fildy I Oh, Fee Fi, Fidly oh oh oh, Fee Fi, Fidly I
OOOOHHhh OH," Strummin on the ol' banjo! Bum Bum.

Imagine all that from a 20 month old! It's cute.

I'm going out tonight... excited? Heck yea! It's been a Long, Weird week. I dropped my online class, so I'm only taking 2 classes rather than 3... That will be better. I have a dreaded feeling that my English class is going to take up LOTS of time. I have 10 books for that class. 10. For one class. I am hoping that I get to spend more time with Madeline that way. Besides, I don't have internet at our apartment, and going to my mom and dad's every night will be annoying. Well, I don't really have anything else for now... maybe more next week...

Change is Good?

That's what I keep telling myself. I can't elaborate, but I am being transferred within the company. It's not a move up or down... just across and hopefully in the right direction. That's all for now... I'm drained.

CMSU here I come

So, I'm enrolled in CMSU... 3 classes for the Spring semester. Lots of prayer... that's what it's going to take to get through the semester.

First class is Educational Psychology. I failed this class at Northwest. It was a 8am class and I was pregnant, that's my excuse, though it's not one. I'm looking forward to it. It will be at the Lee's Summit campus on Wednesday nights.

Advanced Fiction Writing is my 2nd class... I was very excited about this class until I went to the book store. yikes. Lots of reading for this class (and I'm guessing writing too), but it's an elective English, and I miss English. I know, I am a nerd. This class is on Monday's at Warrensburg... so pray for good weather too!!

Psychology of Adolescence is an online class. I can't get logged in for another hour or so, but I'm pretty excited about this one. I think that it will be great fun. We'll see what happens.

Side note-- Just got a call from my manager to meet with her and the President of the Company tomorrow before I head to work. I hope it's a good thing. I pray it's a good thing.

Why I have the Best Friends in the World

Alternative Title: Why my "Aunties" are the Bestest (By Madeline)

1. They're fun. We laugh LOTS when we get together. Laughter is good for the soul.

2. They are thoughtful. They actually wanted to see my new 1-bedroom place. And they said it was cute. Not that their opinion would have made me move out, but it's nice to know that someone else likes the place!! ;)

3. They buy me things... ok, that sounds bad, but it really goes with #2. My dear friends brought home-warming gifts for us. It was so sweet. I got everything from kitchen utensils to bath towels to TP. Lots of cool things. They didn't have to do that, but they did.

4. They help around the house... at least with moving TV's in and setting them up and clearing the table. Good times.

5. They are funny drunks.... okay, so one of them is a funny drunk, when she just says, "I'm not that drunk, I can still [insert something to do here, other than 'driving,' she never said that]."

6. They think my daughter is cute... though, who doesn't? Seriously?

7. They are fun in Wal-Mart.

8. They like my cooking... even with the cheap spaghetti sauce and "fancy" salad bowl.

Thank you, Dear Friends (Danielle W., Danielle S., Jessica, and Hannah) for a great time on Saturday. You gals are the "bestest." I don't know what I would do without friends like you.

Update needed

Sorry this has taken me so long... with the holidays my days have been full to the brim. I have exciting news, too.

1. Christmas was great. We had our CLT Christmas party on Friday, December 23. The Blues Brothers were there... There was kareoke. Yes, I sang. No, it wasn't good. My dad and the President of the company got up to sing. Yes, at least 1/2 of the company walked out. Hee hee. My mother was one of the first. Double hee. All the "closers and processors" (that's me), got up and sang 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton, but we sang it as 9 to 9. Fun times.

2. Later on Friday, we had Christmas dinner with my brothers and sister in law and my nephew and neice. It was cute. We opened presents after dinner. My nephew pushed a fairly large present toward my younger brother. My brother says, "Thanks, Daniel. Is this from you?" My nephew says,"Yes, it's a vacuum." We laughed. It was cute.

3. Saturday, we hung out and went to church. Sunday was church. But "Santa" came first. My little girl woke up early, which was fine, I was excited to see her open her presents. So she headed for the gifts. Found the biggest one and pointed to it. She tore it open like she knew what she was doing. It was a Wizard of Oz block set. (Who picked that out??) She started pushing buttons and taking blocks apart. She loved it. So, she didn't open up any other presents for hours.


4. On Friday the 30th, Madeline and I went to hang out with some dear (not old) friends. It was a good time. I haven't seen some of them since, since, well, a long time, even if I have emailed or talked to them on the phone. We laughed and played games... and ate. Lots of merriment.

5. New Year's Eve, I was in bed before 10:30. This is the first year that I think I've gotten mulitple invites. The first year I wanted to stay home. I'm so old.

6. Also on New Year's Eve, Madeline and I got an apartment!!!!! I put down the first month's rent on Saturday. It's a little one bedroom off the square in Harrisonville. So Excited. So Excited. No more living in mom and dad's basement!! YEA!!! We stayed there last night. Madeline slept all night, so did I. After moving our office on Friday and myself on Monday, I'm really sore.

That's it for now... Have a great day.

Good Times

1. What's the point in celebrating Christmas if you're just going to complain about it?
2. I love my brothers.
3. My daughter is super cute: We finally decorated our tree (2 weeks after we put it up), she was carrying around the bead things calling them necklaces.
4. Toddler beds are good. Madeline likes hers. She wants to sleep in it and not with me. Enough said.
5. 'Tis the season of giving.
6. I want to help everyone that needs help. Especially at this time of the year. That one good and bad thing about me.
7. Everytime Madeline sees a Christmas tree, she says, "Tree, tree, tree, tree," until someone acknowledges her.
8. In January, when the second have the season starts for 7th Heaven, it's the LAST 11 episodes. I have sooooo been watching that show from the beginning. It makes me sad to see it go. But it's had a great run.
9. CLT's Christmas party is this Friday in Harrisonville... that will be a good time. The following Monday we have off work, I will have a couple of days off, then that Friday my office is (hopefully) moving. Madeline's daycare is closed that week. Volunteers for the week? Okay, for a day or two? And it's not really volunteer work, I pay for babysitters. Anyone?
10. Being dissatisfied in my job choice is not something that I want for the rest of my life. Keep going to college, Rachel, keep going to college.
11. I am thinking about writing something for the Creighton First Baptist Church news letter. But what to write... Hmmm.
12. I am 99% sure I'm finished with my Christmas shopping. No surprises anyone. None.
13. I had a dream last night I went to a concert in my pajamas and my grandparents showed up there. No holiday stress here.
14. I haven't sent out my Christmas cards yet. I know. It's late. I just like moving at my own pace, that's all.

Monday for Certain

Everyday, I try to learn something new. Everyday, I feel older. Every Friday night that I stay home I am reminded of the Friday and Saturday nights that I dared not to stay home. I feel like reminiscing to the "Old Days" when Friday and Saturday night communication is following someone around (while cruising) until they stop and talk, fun is doing something illegal, and spare time is spending money at Wal-Mart. It's easy to see how much my life has changed and to see the changes for the better. It's just weird to see different people making all the same things/mistakes that I did at that age. Why can't people learn? Communication is still honking, waving and yelling out of car windows (which was the same when my older brother was in HS, and my younger brother for that matter). "Fun" is still all too often illegal. "Spare Time" still calculates into spare money to be spent on w/e. It's like nothing ever changes. Boy, am I glad that HS's over and the real world has knocked me on my butt so I could see what I needed to see.

I went out on Friday night for the first time in a long time. I was SUPPOSED to have a class meeting, but the school was all locked up when I got there. Pissed? Yes, I was. My parents had Madeline with them in NKC. They were babysitting my heathen nephew and delightful niece. So, I called a friend who's birthday was recently and asked if he wanted to hang out. He did. First of all, we had to go to Family Center, then to Walmart. That made my night, really. I run into more people when I don't want too. First, it was an ex-boyfriend's cute older brother who stopped and talked a minute. Wow. Still cute after all these years. Then it was my kindergarten teacher. How weird... That's H'ville for 'ya. Anyway, I really didn't want people to jump to conclusions about me and Jeremy so when he was speed racing through the aisles, I kept my distance. We were just hanging out for something to do. Then his friend, he and I all went to Sheriff's. Talk about a waste of time. It was awful. We stayed for like 30 minutes (about 25 minutes too long) then headed out. By this time it's after ten, and I'm about asleep. So I watched his hook up some hitch thingy on his 4-wheeler and fell asleep on the couch. Now, isn't that just the most exciting Friday night ever? The whole time I'm thinking, this is so weird. It's a Friday night that would have never fit up to my standards back in the day, but it was so good to get out of the house and out of my routine for one night that I did have a little fun. So, long story and 3 Shmirnoff Ice's later... Here I am. Enjoying what I have. Now. My darling daughter, my little Christmas tree, and no more Cruising on Friday nights.

SNOW

Today is the first day that my little one has been able to walk in the snow. She was VERY excited. This morning events in slow motion:

Me: "Maddie, let's get your coat on so we can go bye-bye. Mommy has to go to work!"

Madeline runs wildly around the kitchen, squealing and giggling.

Me: "Madeline, let's go!"

Madeline & Me: wrestling her into her coat and mittens. (Grandma already had her in her snowboots) We walked to the back door.

Me: (Opened the door) "Look, Madeline! Look at the snow!"

Madeline hesitantly steps onto the deck-- her eyes grew big as saucers. She slowly got down the steps (Grandpa had shoveled a path to my car [Thanks, Dad!]). She stepped onto the pavement and squealed with glee at the six inches of snow just a toddler step away. She walked about two steps toward the car on the beautiful path then ventured into the snow to her right. She giggled and jabbered and tried to walk some more in the snow, but she fell. Poor thing. Face first into the snow. She reminded me of the kid in "Christmas Story," the little brother who couldn't get up. I picked her up only to see her smiling face (I was afraid she was going to cry, and it's so cold, not a good combo). We brushed off. She giggled some more. I made my way to the car to put my purse in there. She was still up by the house. I put on my gloves, gathered a little snow in my hand, packed it as best I could, and threw it in her general direction. Well, the snow is so dry that it only made it about half way there, and came apart in the process. Her eyes danced at the sight of more snow falling around her for a second. Finally, I got her into the car and we were on the road. We made it to our destinations with no major problems. The roads were a little icky, but the Rio was happy to go.

I have that funeral today, but I am hoping to get out early enough to get some snow boots from Wal-mart and play in the snow a little with her tonight before dark.

Tribute to a Man I Love

Have you ever had someone that made an impact on your life, but you never told them until it's too late? I have. Russell Dunn. He was a deacon (among other things) at a little Baptist church in Creighton for years. He always had something to say and a great sense of humor. My dad has used him as an example in his walk with God for years.

Why is he so special? There are many reasons, but here's one in particuliar: one year at HCS, we were having a grandparents' celebration. My younger brother and I were bummed because we knew that our grandparents wouldn't be able to make the 3 hour trip for a banquet. Russell and his wife Helen stepped in and acted like our grandparents for the night. Well, we never really gave up the thought. They've always been a 3rd set of grandparents for us.

A few years ago, they had to move out of their old house to a house next door to their daughter near Springfield. Yeah, Springfield. We've missed them, but kept in contact via email, letters, and one visit about a year ago. Last week, our pastor asked me if I would be a back up to play the piano at the funeral, just in case he passed while the other pianist is out of town. I gave in. For him I would. Yesterday, I practiced the song with the soloist and decided that I didn't think that I could.

After fellowship dinner, the church phone rang. It was their daughter, Barbara. Russell had just passed away. My heart sank. I didn't even say good-bye. But I'll say it now, "Good bye, Russell. I'll miss you. You'll always be near my heart. Thank you for all you have done. I'll see you in glory."

"I can do all things through Christ who strengths me." Philippians 4:13