On Being the Mommy of a Two Year Old, Part 2

Madeline's birthday was fun. She got some cute little dress up toys and a little Dora doll for her birthday. She also had a little party at datcare, complete with homemade cupcakes. I think she had a good day.

I've been stressed and trying not to write about it here, but I have to. I don't have to, but I am going to anyway. Madeline and I were getting child support checks for just a little while. The amounts were anywhere from $30 to $60 per week. Then they stopped. No word from the state or from the deadbeat. They just stopped. The state sent me a letter telling me that they were looking for him (or his current employer), but no more checks. No deadbeat. For all I know, the guy's dead. Not just living up to his current reputation. He didn't even call on her birthday. Granted, he wasn't there for the birth, so it might be a little hard for him to remember the date. But he didn't call or text or email. Nada. Zip. Zero. Can I call the state and force him to reliquish any rights that he may have at this point? Because, even though I wouldn't have a real conversation with said deadbeat anymore, I'm almost in tears writing this... realizing how much my dad has meant to me, and that he won't ever be a dad. Just a deadbeat. He didn't even call on her birthday.

Happy, Happy Day

This morning, my darling daughter was doing the same thing at 7:15 am that she was two years ago. Screaming her head off. I just smiled, hugged her, and told her "Happy Birthday." Though, I wanted to cry too. How in the world am I the mother of a "Terrible Two"? Is that even possible? Well, it is. And she's a perfect two year old. In every way. I am truly blessed with a wonderful daughter. I couldn't ask for one better. Happy, Happy Birthday, Princess Madeline. Happy Birthday.

Just Another Day

Madeline can count in Spanish... it's really, really funny. Especially since this mommy hasn't taken any Spanish classes (successfully anyway). I'll have to figure out the whole audio/video clip someday to show you all, but I just got the pictures to work! One thing at a time. Really.

My Uncle Bob (dad's youngest brother) just called, I guess my Aunt Barb (dad's middle sis) is in ICU. Please pray and keep her in your thoughts.

On a happier note-- here's more Madeline pics:

Madeline vs. Marshmellow



My Very own Cat in the Hat


Madeline's Favorite Hat (with one of her favorite uncles in the background there)

Here's the famous "Surprise Face"

Ah, Breathe

Finals are over.

Summer classes begin on Monday.

City wide garage sale is this weekend. I need a dining room set.

I got my summer books via DHL when I ordered them USPS. Darn that extra $12!

I got at least one A and one B for the Spring Semester.

I think I'm going to minor in Spanish. I think.

I have Monday off.

Happy Birthday Harry S Truman.

I haven't set a date for Madeline's party... I'll let you know...

but Finals are over. Spring semester is over. I got at least an A and a B.

On Being the Mommy of a Two Year Old

I'm writing this as she's beginning a tantrum. Though it seems short lived. She wants a popsicle. We have a policy ("One per customer, per day," as my dad says). She knows this policy. She's had two today. Could explain the current attitude. Possibly. I'm not ready for the terrible two. Better yet, I'm not ready to be a full time student and the mother of a two year old. I am experiencing some great "What if's" right now as it's difficult to find a moment to carry all my groceries inside. But all that aside, I'm still not ready. I've had over two years to prepare for this. I haven't read enough books. Babysat enough kids. Done any case studies. What do I do if my neighbor turns me in to DFS while she's throwing a fit? Smile and try to talk my way out of it? I'm sure we'll be fine. But good Lord Almighty; where does the time go?

Hide and Seek

This game is becoming more and more a part my adult life... Madeline LOVES to play this at Grandma and Grandpa's (there are more places to hide, of course). Especially in the kitchen...





Here is our new favorite hair style... Okay, Mine! She HATES having her hair brushed or put in a pony or ANYTHING, but it looks cute when she lets me...

My Allergies just make me sneeze...

But Madeline's allergies make her a rare spotted toddler. The kind you see on the Discovery Channel... okay, maybe not that bad. But for those of you with children or those of you who want to have children... do NOT use adult sun screen on a (almost) two year old. Especially if she won't swallow liquid Benedryl. Just for future reference.

Life's Not Fair

This is my dad's favorite cliche for me. He says it everytime I complain to him about something, but it's probably the best advice anyone could go by. No matter how many laws we have, no matter how many people we have to uphold them, in our lives we will feel cheated; we will feel that someone less deserving than we got the "gold," if you will.

My younger brother and I are fairly close, as siblings go. We try to watch out for each other and talk on a weekly (or bi-weekly) basis. Every now and again, we go fun places like Wal-Mart. In the past 2+ years, we've been to Wal-Mart together quite a few times. He went there with me a few times when I was pregnant, and now sometimes we go with my daughter... Sometimes people mistake us for a couple, but they are swiftly corrected and embarrassed. I'd say that we are known to :many: (as many goes around here) by being the children of local business owners. It has its rewards and drawbacks. We both know lots of kids and parents also through the Christian school we attended through eighth grade. Two years ago, I was mostly belly and all hormones. Matthew and I went to Wal-Mart to grab something for our mother (he was a senior in high school at the time). We walked by a mother of a girl that Matthew had gone to school with all the way through at the Christian school. She said hi to him and walked away. I (even with as hormonal as I was) didn't think a thing of it. Matthew told me later that that same mother nearly ALWAYS stopped and talked to him at places like Wal-Mart. I was almost offended. I was offended when it happened again after I had my baby, the same mother mind you.

Now, I have had tremendously wonderful outreach from my church and my Christian friends. But it's the Christian acquaintances who have not been nice to me since my pregnancy. It's the friends of friends who make comments to my mother and my brother who really make life not fair. It's the little ripples that one pregnancy (which is no one's business but my own; I'm the one who has to take it up with God) that really, really irk me. These ripples make me want to say, "I hope that makes you less of a sinner than I am," out of spite.

I am human, and I do make mistakes. I will always make mistakes; no matter how hard I try to be like Christ. But, "Life's not fair." And I must go on.

[Insert Fanfare Here]

This is my 100th post. I'm also edging on one whole year as a "blogger." Craziness. I was thinking that I would have something earth shattering to write, but alas, nothing much new. I have gotten some "sad" responses when I tell people that I am moving 45 minutes away from my current home. IT'S 45 MINUTES! And, the people that have said anything, I DON'T SEE NOW. I'm am extremely excited about taking this step into a new life. Don't burst my bubble, People. Okay, It's no one in blogger world. It's the real world that's popping my bubble and not looking back. But then, isn't that always the way? It's the real world that kicks your butt? Okay, that was supposed to be a little funny, but it wasn't. Sorry about that.

I have one short story to finish and an aesthetics paper to write in the next week and a half. I have no freakin' clue what to write my aesthetics paper on. I was thinking something along the lines of Grammar in America's Colleges and Universities, but my teacher made a big deal about "Whose Grammar? Yours or the Queen's?" So, now, I don't have a clue.

In other news, I'm positive that the terrible two's are coming soon... more on that in less than a month...

In other, other news, I'm getting a bicycle sometime in the near future (for sure). I'm planning on living close enough to campus to ride to school in The Burg and to the park from our apartment in the mean time. I already have the cute little helments and stuff!

Last (but not least), Happy Birthday to my dear (twenty-something) friend, Krystle. Hope you have a great day... see you Saturday.

Re: Fall 2006, and the Rest of This Mom's Life

Apparently, the state of Missouri (or at least CMSU) wants poor people to go to school. I got enough financial aid to go and be comfortable with the decision. I'm so, so excited and relieved about this. I am going to pursue my dream to become a teacher, and quickly. I could be done in a year and a half, though I may make it a full two years to make job hunting easier on the both of us. So, you're looking at (well, I guess you can't see me, but you know what I mean) a full time student starting August 2006. More excited than I can express in writing. Which says an abundance--I'm an English major, after all.

Post #98... Re: Fall 2006

I had my Psychology class last night. It went very well. I'm really hoping to study my butt off and ace that class too. That would be great. Greater than great for my GPA too. My teacher is not making us come the last week of class. We will have our final on the 26th and the class on May 3rd is optional to see how we did. Very cool. He let us out early after the review last night. I got to my mom and dad's to find that they were still at church. I snagged some of their food and found the mail. I received a very thin letter from CMSU (rarely good news). I put off opening it until after I ate something.

All that was in it was instructions to access my financial aid information for the upcoming school year on line. Ok, ten steps. I managed to get my dad's wireless to work for that long, and....

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wait for it...

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pause...

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this was, after all the news I'd been waiting for...

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to decide whether or not to go full time...

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and since I'm milking it...

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what do you think happened next?

It's in the Little Things

Me: achoo-achoo-ach00-achoo [note: yes, that a normal Rachel sneeze]

Madeline: Bless-you!

***

Saturday: I couldn't sleep in, but Madeline did. I was getting dressed... all of a sudden I see her head PoP out of the covers, "Hi, Momma!"

"Hi, Madeline!"

"Sleepin'?"

"Were you sleeping?"

"Yeah."

"Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah."

"Good Morning, Maddie."

"Morning, Mommeeee."

***
"Momma? Momma? Momma?"

"Madeline? Madeline? Madeline?"

"Blues Clues!"

"Do you want to go to Grandma and Grandpa's or watch Blues Clues?"

"Grandpa?"

"Yes, which do you want to do?"

"Grandpa."

"Okay."

"Momma?"

"Madeline?"

"Blues Clues?"

***

My Niece looking at Madeline's new pictures: "OOh, Aunt Rachel, Madeline's pretty!"

"Yes, and you and brother are good-looking kids too, Samantha."

"No, I'm beautiful, and brother's handsome, Rachel."

"Yes, that's right, Samantha."

***

Thursday or Friday, I went to my parents house to give my mom a break, or at least try. I end up carrying Madeline for some fit-throwing reason or another. Daniel (my nephew) says, "Rachel, Madeline's a baby."

"I think she's too heavy to be a baby, Daniel."

"Oh."

First thing he says to his mother after hello when they return from business trip? "Mom, Madeline's not a baby anymore."

***

I was thinking on the way home Saturday night that I needed to get my eyes checked. It's been awhile and the night time is starting to bother me. I was thinking, I'll do it when I get back on some insurance. Then it dawned on me suddenly that I may never have optical insurance. I don't know where that came from, but it hit me hard.

***

I should know this week about school for sure... Oh, I want so badly to go full time...

***

I joined eHarmony a while back... I've reached open communication with one guy... weird way to meet people I know... but at this point... I don't feel like I have a choice.

***

Went to McDonald's with Grandma and Madeline for dinner one night. Madeline and I both had chicken McNuggets and fries. About half-way through the meal... she reaches over and snatched one of my chicken nuggets and goes one eating. It was really comical because I didn't even see it, my mom did.

***

Well, that's all the humor and seriousness I have for this morning... other than, my professor is going to be critiquing stories in front of the class tonight (mine included). Thinking about it is giving my an ulcer... pray for that. Thanks.

"There Goes My Life"

I was freshly 20 and starting a new fall semester at Northwest Missouri State University. I had just gotten my own apartment in May and was very excited about living so close to campus. I didn't have a great summer or a boring summer; I was looking forward to get a kick into the new school year. I had a rough spring semester before that (bad break-up, dorms... That's another story). I had been on a few dates with Chris and was looking forward to breaking that off at the start of the new semester... My sister in law was due soon with her second child. A girl.

I remember that a couple of weeks into the semester it was harder and harder for me get out of bed and make myself go to school. I felt like I had the flu. I was working quite a few hours at Sonic so the fatigue was easily dismissed. I asked for fewer hours. Then suddenly as a car-hop I started noticing all the babies in the cars I was "hopping" to. I remember one baby boy with a mirror on his rear-facing car seat and thought about how cute that was. He stared at me while I brought his parents their food. It dawned on me as a possibility at that moment, but again dismissed. My lovely niece was born on September 18, 2003. The first time I held her, I knew I was pregnant. I don't know how. I was only 4 or 5 weeks at that point, but I knew I was pregnant as soon as her tiny body cuddled up to me. I still dismissed it though as some sort of weird getting older-not-being-a-teen-anymore thing.

A couple of weeks later, the thought wouldn't go away (and I had missed my period). I was home for a weekend. I was really worried about it. Krystle and I were hanging out... We decided to find out for sure. I was really low on cash, but had just gotten a gift card from my dear friend Jessica for my birthday in August from Target. So, to Target we went. I bought a pregnancy test and a skirt**... We took the box to the Wal-Mart in Harrisonville where I took the test. It was positive right away. I don't remember if I cried right then or not, but I remember telling Krystle that I wouldn't tell my parents until I'd been to the doctor.

I made an appointment at the college health clinic. I sat nervously in the waiting room. A nurse ushered me in and gave me "the cup." I waited in the exam room. She came in looking grave. She confirmed what the Target test had said. She talked to me about what I would do next. She gave me a brochure to the local Planned Parenthood, and I remember shaking me head "No" through the tears. She said,

"I didn't think that you would want that."

She didn't even know me. I told her that I was going to tell my parents the following weekend. I left.

The following week my cell phone rang; it was that nurse. She asked me how it went with my parents and if I was feeling okay. It really meant a great deal to me that she took that time out for me. Someone she didn't even know.

On May 17, 2004 Madeline Grace was born. The best day of my life.

**The skirt I bought was mostly to hide the pregnancy test on the way to the check-out. Turns out, it was a maternity skirt. I didn't even know it.

An Ordinary Tuesday?

So yesterday, well, let's say Monday night, I had a HORRIBLE sinus headache. Good-bye, Winter; hello, Allergies! I took some prescription strength allergy medicine yesterday that knocked me on my butt. So the things I learned in my adventure:

1. Don't take prescription strength allergy medicine and expect to be "sober" all day!
2. Being sick at the end of the month (for work) is not worth it. You're internal clock will still keep you awake while trying to rest.
3. Call your friends if you want to know what the heck is up.
4. Someone will surprise you and make you want to stay on the phone for 20 minutes even though all you wanted to do 20 minutes ago was sleep.
5. You will realize how much you've not grown up when all you want to do is go sit on your mom's couch and veg b/c you're sick.
6. Your phone will ring.
7. You will wake yourself up to make sure you set your alarm.
8. Your mother will check on you, even at 22, and moved out.
9. Your manager will need something, and will call back if you clear her call.
10. Nothing will taste good.
11. Except maybe water. Water will taste good.
12. Your daughter (roommate, siblings, significant other, etc.) will feel fine and like jumping on your bed.
13. You will realize that you want to hear "it" straight from the "horse's mouth," if you will.
14. People should elope more often. It makes it easier to to want to go to just the reception anyway.


I think I'll quit on that even number.

Congratulations Andrea and Roberto! May God Bless you in your new life together! That's all I can say for now...

Celebrate for a Friday!

I'm trying to think of something to write, but really all of my energy right now is going onto work and righting my 2nd short story (which has to be 15 pages). Currently, I'm eating at my desk wondering where the week went. I've been really, really busy.

I have pretty much talked my self into going to school this fall, full time. It's what I really want to do; I just need to make sure I have the funding for it before I start. I won't be receiving a full Pell Grant like I had hoped, but I did get a pretty good tax refund that I put into a savings account that I have very limited access to (and a good interest rate). That money will either pay all my tuition for next semester (then get a grant for living expenses) or pay for half my car loan (and get a loan/grant for the entire amount I need. I will probably get my little grant, borrow some and use about half of my refund money toward my fall semester. I can't enroll until April 6; we'll have to see what I have talked myself into by then. Now, I just have to decide what to do about the living arrangement. I would like to move to Warrensburg, I believe that's the best way to get to spend time with my little one. And, I'll have to switch daycare anyway to receive state aide. I will definitely be eligible for that. The big disadvantage is not being as close to my parents. I know that they will miss Madeline and she will miss them, but the extra 100 miles on my car per day might just be out-weighing that. It's not far enough that we can't come back on a Saturday or Sunday.

I'm a little random in my argument today. I'm tired. It's Friday. Now, if Madeline would just let me sleep in tomorrow. The past two mornings I've had to wake her up to get her ready (and that's been late [7:10]), but I would bet money that she'll be awake at 6:30am tomorrow. C'est La Vive. Have a great weekend!

Getting Older...

I my last post was about a painful injury that had I been 10 years younger, may not have sustained (or at least not to the degree I did... Ouch). My friend DivaDarcie wrote recently about doing "grown up" things, like resumes and a new email address. Other in my age group have complained about NOT being carded when buying alcohol. How old do we look really? You are probably wondering where I'm going with this; well, I promise I have a point.

My daughter and I went to our local bank's drive up last night to make a deposit. The teller commented on my "cool" daughter in her shades, and I had to smile and nod b/c Madeline did look pretty cool. The sweet teller asked if Madeline could have a sucker... She could. I got the candy, my cash and my receipt. I'm putting the car in gear; then the sweet, young, female teller speaks into her crackly microphone thing, "Have a great night Miss C...!" I swallowed hard smiled and drove away. I almost cried. I'm 22 for crying out loud. Ugh. I've gotten "Ma'am" before. I can handle that. But never "Miss C...." I'm 22. Does this get any easier? Seriously? Yet another painful reminder of getting older.

Reasons Why Today, I should have stayed in bed

1. It's Monday. The fact that every Monday is Monday is a great reason to stay in bed.
2. I didn't sleep well with all the talk of tornadoes last night.
3. Sleeping on my parents' couch is not condusive to sleeping (especially when I woke up in the middle of the night to my poor baby crying at the back door [I think she thought everyone left her, although I don't know how she missed me on the couch...]).
4. Sleeping in the same room as my daughter is not condusive to sleep (she attempted to crawl on the sofa with me at approximately 5am).
5. Pain is not condusive to sleep or work. Story time: So I knew that having Madeline's middle name "Grace" might cause some ironic laughter later in life, but I didn't realize that I needed it so much... I fell TWICE yesterday. Not once, but TWICE. The first time, I was walking down my driveway after church (in heels) carrying Madeline. Side note, my driveway is old asphalt and may as well be gravel in most places. I stepped off the side and my ankle gave out, so I twisted my ankle and skinned my knee up pretty dang bad. It hurt. I was more worried at the time about Madeline, but she managed to "land" on her feet. Me? No, on my right knee then my backside. Ouch. Are you ready for the second? I went to my parents to pick up the laundry that I couldn't carry on Saturday, when the storm started raging outside. I went outside with my dad to put my car out in his shed to avoid hail damage. Right after we got it put away, it quit raining (only for a moment), so I took off for the house in my cute pink flip flops. Who knew the garage floor could be so slick? I fell the SAME way I did the first time (minus the ankle thing). Yeah, my knee throbbed for a couple of HOURS. It has a goose egg too. I don't think that I have ever had a goose egg on my knee; I could be wrong. But this is pretty dang painful. I took Tylenol last night in hopes to ease the pain. Yikes.
6. The receptionist called in sick.
7. Computer issues. Twice. Ugh.

Enough complaining. Back to work.

Spring Break

So this week I don't have school. It's Spring Break. I am keenly aware that it doesn't make a darn bit of difference to me. I just don't have to read after I get off work. I don't have to drive the extra 100+ miles for school this week. Sorry, that was pretty synicle.

But here I go again... You know with all the "going out" I did back in the day, I have never really done anything to celebrate spring break. My Freshman year of college I worked at Sonic through break and Sophomore year, I was already moved home (I worked at Hallmark instead). This year I may actually go out. It will be on Wednesday, and on Thursday I may regret staying out late. It will be worth it.

This past weekend, Maddie and I did lots of nothing. We stayed in ALL day Saturday. It was great. I don't believe that we have stayed home on a Saturday since we moved out. I was pretty frusterated with th amount of wreckage that we can create in one day, but it was fun. She found a "bink" on Sunday before church and was throwing a fit when I tried to take it. So, I gave in. I'm picking my battles. I will rid the home of them soon I'm sure. It can't be long now. We only had 12 or so to begin with....

***

So I typed this on 3/6 and am just now posting b/c I thought I would have something profound to post, but, alas even, no time to write such a post. Best wishes...

Spring?

The weather the past couple of days has been wonderful! It makes me happy to have sunshine and to just put Miss Mad in a spring jacket. She has been in a WONDERFUL mood this week. Every morning getting ready w/o real incident and walking to the car "like a big girl." She's been such a pleasure. I wish that I could take a day off and just spend it with her in this weather. It's so nice!

New developments in Maddie world: There's not much just little things. If you ask her if she's a baby, she says, "Nooo," in a happy tone. She sings her ABC's and "I've Been Working on the Rail Road," "Jesus Loves Me," and "Itsy Bitsy Spider." She's pretty much "Bink Free." (We went on a road trip this weekend to Atchison, KS; she 'needed' it there) She's more and more interested in potty training. I keep thinking we'll have a "normal" weekend that we can really work on it, but we're just going to have to start in the realm of abnormal days and weekends to make it work. She got her hair cut in a salon for the first time on Saturday (just a trim); she was really, really good. I will be taking her places to get her hair cut from now on. That was SOoooooo much easier than trying to cut it at home. Sooo much.

To Do

1. Write Short Story... due Monday 2/27

2. Plan menu for dinners this week (fish sticks won't cut it)

3. Do Dishes... Yuck!

4. Check into internet prices in Harrisonville so I can take 2 summer classes online at my home.

5. Balance checkbook (yuck)

6. Clean out refidgerator (double yuck)

7. Laundry

8. Wait for IRS refund check (patience)

9. Renew my FAFSA for 2006-07

10. Study for Educational Psychology test... 2/22

11. Celebrate knowing that I won't be in escrow for the rest of my life...

12. Check into Warrensburg apartment prices!!

13. Pray about Warrensburg apartment prices.

14. Make a final decision about moving to Warrensburg, and get this degree DONE!

15. Email Q104 about how happy I am that they have the Listen On-line option now!

16. Finish my work "to do list"

17. Finish the work on my work "to do list."

18. Ponder exactly how I have 44 contacts in my phone and call about 10 of them.

19. Remember to not pray for patience anymore... teething toddlers are no fun!

20. Wash the car, inside and out.

21. Remember to take Madeline's diapers into the daycare tomorrow morning.

22. Act like I know what I'm talking about tonight at class, since I DIDN'T read the short stories this week. Oops.

23. Pay bills, elec., gas, and credit cards.

What do you have to do?