Quickie

I knew that would get your attention:

1. Very frustrated with Madeline's Dad, but he is paying child support now, not willingly.

2. We are 5 days mois la Bink (without the pacifier). I wasn't really trying to get rid of it, but Mad's asked for it a couple of times and I just tell her it's "All gone, Mommy doesn't have a bink." She moves on. I hope it lasts. We'll get her off of it by age 2 as long as Grandma and Grandpa don't let her relapse.

3. It's Friday. YES! I'm ready for a weekend.

4. I have seriously thought about quitting my job, going into debt big time and going to school full time next fall. The farther I get into classes, the more I just want to get done with school. I could work somewhere part time, go to classes and still be a mom, right? Just a thought.

5. So much for a "quickie." This is turning into a regular post.

6. Super Bowl XL is Sunday. Excited? Me? Not so much? The men in my life (you know, my dad) not even that much. Weird.

7. Go to my friend Danielle's site to see some football spirit today.

8. I'm supposed to go "get drunk" at an old friend's next weekend to celebrate her birthday. Pray that I don't want to strangle anyone at the party for being immature. Ugh.

9. Let's see if I can make this a perfect ten post.

10. Is it terrible to be mad at someone and forgive them without even letting them know I was mad in the first place? Maybe not. It's bad to like him though. Build a bridge, Rachel, he's just water below. TMI, I know. Have a great weekend. Perfect ten.

On the mend to Better Again!

Madeline and I are both doing way better. I am back to work (yea! sort of), and Miss Mad's back to school. It is remarkable how much better I feel compared to last week. I have enough energy to consider myself hyper. Though by other's standards, not so much. Just for me.

I have class tonight. Yea! (for real this time) Educational Psych. I like that class. Really. It's very interesting. I am learning more than I thought I would in there, which is great. I forgot my book though, and the teacher told us to bring them to class this week. Oops. Next time...

Back to work from lunch I go... Have a great day!

Cough and Fever to Boot.

I love my mother. I think that everyone should be able to admit this at least once or twice to someone that isn't his or her mother. Really, I think that it could be very therapeutic. You are probably wondering where I'm going with this. Well, as much as I love my mother right now I am thinking, "Mom, you shouldn't have." And I mean it. She shouldn't have. She shouldn't have shared her awful virus with the rest of the family. Computer virus you think? No, we have "techies" (company people on standby as the home compter is shared for dad at the office) who can wipe those out. Not a computer virus at all. It's the dreaded kind of cold or flu virus. I only put the "or" there b/c I have never ached this much in my life from a cold, nor run a fever for more than a day from a cold, but it's all in my head. No comments from the peanut gallery on that one, please. But that's not the worst part. The worst part is not being a sick mom having to take off 3 days of work and hoping to have a job when I go back, no. No, it's caring for a sick child while I am sick. If she feels anything like I do, I know she's miserable, and I hate that for her. I really do. She's run a fever off and on since Wednesday morning and been coughing and sneezing and sleeping and yelling and not sleeping and yelling some more. We went to the doctor on Thursday. He didn't put her on an anti biotic. He said it wasn't that bad yet, and maybe it wouldn't be bad now if SHE WOULD TAKE HER StiNKING MEDICINE!!!!!! Grrr. I cannot MAKE her take it. She spits. She gags. She locks her jaw. She swings her arms in every direction imaginable. I won't even tell you everything. You don't want to read about this forever. Nonetheless, we are still much more sick than I wanted to be on a Saturday night when I could have had plans. Lots of invites for the weekend. Darn this fever. Darn this cough. Darn this lack of sleep. Yes, perhaps I should be sleeping rather than typing, but then who would hear my cry? Who would I complain to? And how much fun would it be to not complain, seriously? I hope we are on the mend and I will be back to work on Monday. She will be back to daycare. As long as the fever's gone. Her's has come back this evening. She was fine most of the day yesterday and most of the day today, but tonight, now, she has a fever. I'm wondering if she's just getting it from me. Maybe, we're just passing it back and forth and we'll never really get better until we have time apart and expose tons of other people who can deal with this in stride. Words to the wise: 1. Avoid me like a plague until I'm better, 2. Don't let my mother babysit if she "just really tired." My mother doesn't get "just really tired" unless she's getting sick. Another life lesson learned. Pick up and move on, Rachel and Madeline, and get well.

...Rise up So Early in the Morn..

Madeline's new favorite song is, (are you ready for this?) "I've Been Working On the Rail Road." She sings along like she does with her ABC's... It's just too cute!

I've been working on the rail-road, all the live-long day, I've been working
on the rail-road just to pass the time away. Don't 'ya hear the whistle blowin'?
Rise up so early in the Morn! Don't 'ya hear the captain shouting, "Dina, Blow
your horn!"?

Dina, won't 'ya blow, Dina won't 'ya blow, Dina won't 'ya blow your Hor or
orN!? Dina, won't 'ya blow, Dina won't 'ya blow, Dina won't 'ya blow your
Horn?

Someone's in the kitchen with Dina, someone's in the kithen I Know ow ow,
someone's in the kitchen with DinaaAA! Strummin' on the ol' banjo...

Singing' "Fee Fi, Fildy I Oh, Fee Fi, Fidly oh oh oh, Fee Fi, Fidly I
OOOOHHhh OH," Strummin on the ol' banjo! Bum Bum.

Imagine all that from a 20 month old! It's cute.

I'm going out tonight... excited? Heck yea! It's been a Long, Weird week. I dropped my online class, so I'm only taking 2 classes rather than 3... That will be better. I have a dreaded feeling that my English class is going to take up LOTS of time. I have 10 books for that class. 10. For one class. I am hoping that I get to spend more time with Madeline that way. Besides, I don't have internet at our apartment, and going to my mom and dad's every night will be annoying. Well, I don't really have anything else for now... maybe more next week...

Change is Good?

That's what I keep telling myself. I can't elaborate, but I am being transferred within the company. It's not a move up or down... just across and hopefully in the right direction. That's all for now... I'm drained.

CMSU here I come

So, I'm enrolled in CMSU... 3 classes for the Spring semester. Lots of prayer... that's what it's going to take to get through the semester.

First class is Educational Psychology. I failed this class at Northwest. It was a 8am class and I was pregnant, that's my excuse, though it's not one. I'm looking forward to it. It will be at the Lee's Summit campus on Wednesday nights.

Advanced Fiction Writing is my 2nd class... I was very excited about this class until I went to the book store. yikes. Lots of reading for this class (and I'm guessing writing too), but it's an elective English, and I miss English. I know, I am a nerd. This class is on Monday's at Warrensburg... so pray for good weather too!!

Psychology of Adolescence is an online class. I can't get logged in for another hour or so, but I'm pretty excited about this one. I think that it will be great fun. We'll see what happens.

Side note-- Just got a call from my manager to meet with her and the President of the Company tomorrow before I head to work. I hope it's a good thing. I pray it's a good thing.

Why I have the Best Friends in the World

Alternative Title: Why my "Aunties" are the Bestest (By Madeline)

1. They're fun. We laugh LOTS when we get together. Laughter is good for the soul.

2. They are thoughtful. They actually wanted to see my new 1-bedroom place. And they said it was cute. Not that their opinion would have made me move out, but it's nice to know that someone else likes the place!! ;)

3. They buy me things... ok, that sounds bad, but it really goes with #2. My dear friends brought home-warming gifts for us. It was so sweet. I got everything from kitchen utensils to bath towels to TP. Lots of cool things. They didn't have to do that, but they did.

4. They help around the house... at least with moving TV's in and setting them up and clearing the table. Good times.

5. They are funny drunks.... okay, so one of them is a funny drunk, when she just says, "I'm not that drunk, I can still [insert something to do here, other than 'driving,' she never said that]."

6. They think my daughter is cute... though, who doesn't? Seriously?

7. They are fun in Wal-Mart.

8. They like my cooking... even with the cheap spaghetti sauce and "fancy" salad bowl.

Thank you, Dear Friends (Danielle W., Danielle S., Jessica, and Hannah) for a great time on Saturday. You gals are the "bestest." I don't know what I would do without friends like you.

Update needed

Sorry this has taken me so long... with the holidays my days have been full to the brim. I have exciting news, too.

1. Christmas was great. We had our CLT Christmas party on Friday, December 23. The Blues Brothers were there... There was kareoke. Yes, I sang. No, it wasn't good. My dad and the President of the company got up to sing. Yes, at least 1/2 of the company walked out. Hee hee. My mother was one of the first. Double hee. All the "closers and processors" (that's me), got up and sang 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton, but we sang it as 9 to 9. Fun times.

2. Later on Friday, we had Christmas dinner with my brothers and sister in law and my nephew and neice. It was cute. We opened presents after dinner. My nephew pushed a fairly large present toward my younger brother. My brother says, "Thanks, Daniel. Is this from you?" My nephew says,"Yes, it's a vacuum." We laughed. It was cute.

3. Saturday, we hung out and went to church. Sunday was church. But "Santa" came first. My little girl woke up early, which was fine, I was excited to see her open her presents. So she headed for the gifts. Found the biggest one and pointed to it. She tore it open like she knew what she was doing. It was a Wizard of Oz block set. (Who picked that out??) She started pushing buttons and taking blocks apart. She loved it. So, she didn't open up any other presents for hours.


4. On Friday the 30th, Madeline and I went to hang out with some dear (not old) friends. It was a good time. I haven't seen some of them since, since, well, a long time, even if I have emailed or talked to them on the phone. We laughed and played games... and ate. Lots of merriment.

5. New Year's Eve, I was in bed before 10:30. This is the first year that I think I've gotten mulitple invites. The first year I wanted to stay home. I'm so old.

6. Also on New Year's Eve, Madeline and I got an apartment!!!!! I put down the first month's rent on Saturday. It's a little one bedroom off the square in Harrisonville. So Excited. So Excited. No more living in mom and dad's basement!! YEA!!! We stayed there last night. Madeline slept all night, so did I. After moving our office on Friday and myself on Monday, I'm really sore.

That's it for now... Have a great day.

Good Times

1. What's the point in celebrating Christmas if you're just going to complain about it?
2. I love my brothers.
3. My daughter is super cute: We finally decorated our tree (2 weeks after we put it up), she was carrying around the bead things calling them necklaces.
4. Toddler beds are good. Madeline likes hers. She wants to sleep in it and not with me. Enough said.
5. 'Tis the season of giving.
6. I want to help everyone that needs help. Especially at this time of the year. That one good and bad thing about me.
7. Everytime Madeline sees a Christmas tree, she says, "Tree, tree, tree, tree," until someone acknowledges her.
8. In January, when the second have the season starts for 7th Heaven, it's the LAST 11 episodes. I have sooooo been watching that show from the beginning. It makes me sad to see it go. But it's had a great run.
9. CLT's Christmas party is this Friday in Harrisonville... that will be a good time. The following Monday we have off work, I will have a couple of days off, then that Friday my office is (hopefully) moving. Madeline's daycare is closed that week. Volunteers for the week? Okay, for a day or two? And it's not really volunteer work, I pay for babysitters. Anyone?
10. Being dissatisfied in my job choice is not something that I want for the rest of my life. Keep going to college, Rachel, keep going to college.
11. I am thinking about writing something for the Creighton First Baptist Church news letter. But what to write... Hmmm.
12. I am 99% sure I'm finished with my Christmas shopping. No surprises anyone. None.
13. I had a dream last night I went to a concert in my pajamas and my grandparents showed up there. No holiday stress here.
14. I haven't sent out my Christmas cards yet. I know. It's late. I just like moving at my own pace, that's all.

Monday for Certain

Everyday, I try to learn something new. Everyday, I feel older. Every Friday night that I stay home I am reminded of the Friday and Saturday nights that I dared not to stay home. I feel like reminiscing to the "Old Days" when Friday and Saturday night communication is following someone around (while cruising) until they stop and talk, fun is doing something illegal, and spare time is spending money at Wal-Mart. It's easy to see how much my life has changed and to see the changes for the better. It's just weird to see different people making all the same things/mistakes that I did at that age. Why can't people learn? Communication is still honking, waving and yelling out of car windows (which was the same when my older brother was in HS, and my younger brother for that matter). "Fun" is still all too often illegal. "Spare Time" still calculates into spare money to be spent on w/e. It's like nothing ever changes. Boy, am I glad that HS's over and the real world has knocked me on my butt so I could see what I needed to see.

I went out on Friday night for the first time in a long time. I was SUPPOSED to have a class meeting, but the school was all locked up when I got there. Pissed? Yes, I was. My parents had Madeline with them in NKC. They were babysitting my heathen nephew and delightful niece. So, I called a friend who's birthday was recently and asked if he wanted to hang out. He did. First of all, we had to go to Family Center, then to Walmart. That made my night, really. I run into more people when I don't want too. First, it was an ex-boyfriend's cute older brother who stopped and talked a minute. Wow. Still cute after all these years. Then it was my kindergarten teacher. How weird... That's H'ville for 'ya. Anyway, I really didn't want people to jump to conclusions about me and Jeremy so when he was speed racing through the aisles, I kept my distance. We were just hanging out for something to do. Then his friend, he and I all went to Sheriff's. Talk about a waste of time. It was awful. We stayed for like 30 minutes (about 25 minutes too long) then headed out. By this time it's after ten, and I'm about asleep. So I watched his hook up some hitch thingy on his 4-wheeler and fell asleep on the couch. Now, isn't that just the most exciting Friday night ever? The whole time I'm thinking, this is so weird. It's a Friday night that would have never fit up to my standards back in the day, but it was so good to get out of the house and out of my routine for one night that I did have a little fun. So, long story and 3 Shmirnoff Ice's later... Here I am. Enjoying what I have. Now. My darling daughter, my little Christmas tree, and no more Cruising on Friday nights.

SNOW

Today is the first day that my little one has been able to walk in the snow. She was VERY excited. This morning events in slow motion:

Me: "Maddie, let's get your coat on so we can go bye-bye. Mommy has to go to work!"

Madeline runs wildly around the kitchen, squealing and giggling.

Me: "Madeline, let's go!"

Madeline & Me: wrestling her into her coat and mittens. (Grandma already had her in her snowboots) We walked to the back door.

Me: (Opened the door) "Look, Madeline! Look at the snow!"

Madeline hesitantly steps onto the deck-- her eyes grew big as saucers. She slowly got down the steps (Grandpa had shoveled a path to my car [Thanks, Dad!]). She stepped onto the pavement and squealed with glee at the six inches of snow just a toddler step away. She walked about two steps toward the car on the beautiful path then ventured into the snow to her right. She giggled and jabbered and tried to walk some more in the snow, but she fell. Poor thing. Face first into the snow. She reminded me of the kid in "Christmas Story," the little brother who couldn't get up. I picked her up only to see her smiling face (I was afraid she was going to cry, and it's so cold, not a good combo). We brushed off. She giggled some more. I made my way to the car to put my purse in there. She was still up by the house. I put on my gloves, gathered a little snow in my hand, packed it as best I could, and threw it in her general direction. Well, the snow is so dry that it only made it about half way there, and came apart in the process. Her eyes danced at the sight of more snow falling around her for a second. Finally, I got her into the car and we were on the road. We made it to our destinations with no major problems. The roads were a little icky, but the Rio was happy to go.

I have that funeral today, but I am hoping to get out early enough to get some snow boots from Wal-mart and play in the snow a little with her tonight before dark.

Tribute to a Man I Love

Have you ever had someone that made an impact on your life, but you never told them until it's too late? I have. Russell Dunn. He was a deacon (among other things) at a little Baptist church in Creighton for years. He always had something to say and a great sense of humor. My dad has used him as an example in his walk with God for years.

Why is he so special? There are many reasons, but here's one in particuliar: one year at HCS, we were having a grandparents' celebration. My younger brother and I were bummed because we knew that our grandparents wouldn't be able to make the 3 hour trip for a banquet. Russell and his wife Helen stepped in and acted like our grandparents for the night. Well, we never really gave up the thought. They've always been a 3rd set of grandparents for us.

A few years ago, they had to move out of their old house to a house next door to their daughter near Springfield. Yeah, Springfield. We've missed them, but kept in contact via email, letters, and one visit about a year ago. Last week, our pastor asked me if I would be a back up to play the piano at the funeral, just in case he passed while the other pianist is out of town. I gave in. For him I would. Yesterday, I practiced the song with the soloist and decided that I didn't think that I could.

After fellowship dinner, the church phone rang. It was their daughter, Barbara. Russell had just passed away. My heart sank. I didn't even say good-bye. But I'll say it now, "Good bye, Russell. I'll miss you. You'll always be near my heart. Thank you for all you have done. I'll see you in glory."

"I can do all things through Christ who strengths me." Philippians 4:13

Beware

I'm turning into one of THEM. You know, THEM. Either my mother or a screaming, raging escrow person. Yikes. Either way it's not good. I think I now have the company logo on my forehead, I even had a dream about work the other night. Wow. Yikes. And Gadzooks.

Happy Birthday

Is it weird to wish someone happy birthday when you haven't seen them for literally years?

Yesterday was the birthday of one of my friends from grade school and junior high. She and I faught like sisters, giggled like little girls at 15 and got into trouble at ages thought to be too young. We got caught stealing cigarettes from my mom in the 5th grade and shaving our legs before I was supposed to the same year. We were "so over" playing with Barbies and dolls. We were trying to grab boys' attention by the 6th grade. She was much more successful than I was. She got me crushing on a guy I knew from around. And she got him crushing on her. Drama, Drama, Drama. Every year I think of her on her birthday and wonder where she is. The last time I heard from her was August of 2002. She was thinking of going into the Navy, I think. Going to Florida to check it out at least. I was headed to Northwest Missouri State University and madly in love. So times change. I'm pretty sure she's not in the military, and pretty sure I'm not madly in love with anyone. But let me check again, nope still not madly in love! I saw her sister at this past New Year's, so I'm sure she got a full report on my behavior that night. Nice, huh? Yesterday she turned 22. Happy birthday, Leslie. I hope all is well in your world now. Really.

Woosh!

Another week down... Did anybody notice how insanely quick it went? Ok, maybe it was just me. Last week I was trying to hold down the fort at the office without the closer. It was interesting. I did my FIRST closing. It went very well. They didn't ask me anything that I couldn't give an answer to and the seller was very patient with me when I was going very slowing through his documents. Fun Times.

Took my final for Math 208 at University of phoenix on Saturday... Got 258/250. Yea me! Starting a new math class on December 3rd. Not so excited, but it was that or some sort of nutrition class, and math just makes more sense to me right now. I am applying to CMSU and need to send them transcripts from all over and get nickled and dimed for that. One school charges like $7 one charges $2. Insane and I only have like 4 schools to get transcripts from, that's all. Wow. Hopefully CMSU will work with me on getting this teaching thing nailed down.

The more I work in the business world, the more I don't want to. The more I want to be a teacher. You could say I'm still stuck in high school, and maybe I am, but that's where I want to teach. In a high school. Harrisonville wouldn't be bad, but it would be weird. I don't really want inner city at first either, unless I student teach there or something. We'll see what happens. This is really what I want to do, but it's going to take almost 2 years at full time for me to get there. And to think that I have to do this everyday until then makes me want to wait tables for meager tips and not worry about how I am screwing up anybody's life with their property ownership or their loan amounts. Or pissing off loan officers b/c I have too much to do. And maybe then I can afford an apartment. Maybe. Geez.

Sorry that was a tangent I didn't see coming.

I'm getting my hair cut today. Yea! It's getting hard to manage already after just 3 1/2 weeks. Gotta love this kind of high maintenance hair.

FYI

There are a couple of new pictures in my photo album. One new one of just Maddie and a few in "my family" of the niece and nephew and one of my little brother.

If I ever had too much time on my hands...

I know you're already thinking that I do, but really these kinds of thoughts hit me when I'm driving or talking on the phone or getting ready for bed or doing homework. I really don't just have time to sit and think... But if I did, what would I think through?

Think about it, really. What would you do if you could carefully weigh every decision you have to make on a daily basis? Would you make mistakes? Probably, we're all human, and errors are part of life. But if you could really have 2 hours a day dedicated to mapping out your day and deciding exactly where you are headed for the day, would your life be different?

There are those people who have quiet time in the morning with coffee or tea or cereal and the real world that is running late everyday and maybe has 10 minutes to collect themselves on the way to work. Personally, I have even been putting on make-up in the car to save precious moments at home. Sad times. But if I had an extra two hours to contemplate it at home, then I would make myself get out of bed ten minutes earlier and still be to work on time.

What would you do?

He's Just not that into You.

Ok, so I finally jumped on the bandwagon and bought a version of this book, Face It, He's Just Not that Into You. It happens to be an abridged version and I'm not that thrilled about that, but nonetheless, I started reading it on Saturday.

First of all, I had the day to myself after class and finished 95% of my Christmas shopping. Very excited about that. Then I treated myself to an early dinner/lunch in LS, and decided to start on the book. I soon realized that if I had read this book 7 years ago, I would be in much better shape than I am now. That is if I had heeded the advice too... which is a big IF.

Secondly, I'm reading and laughing and nearly crying at all the mistakes I have made in my dating life. I'm going through the pages and thinking of this ex, or that guy and wondering how in the world I ever had a BF in the first place. I made every desperate attempt possible. And then some.

Lastly, I would just like to say that I now pledge to NOT, I repeat, NOT be someone's meantime. I will not be in the murky, gray area of dating any longer. When a guy decides he's interested, I will be pursued, and try to enjoy it for what it's worth. I will wait for him to call me. I will not call him. But in return, "No, you don't have a chance," doesn't mean I'm playing hard to get. And, "My birthday is in two weeks," means I want to go out. And, "Christmas is just around the corner," means I want to purchase you a present and I expect the same or at least a little thought. That's all. Really. There are a couple of guys that I have in mind right now. One that cannot take rejection and the other who I am not sure if he is rejecting me or trying to be a "friend." Either way, I'm done. You heard me. Done.

Taking Pictures

I'm taking Madeline to get Chirstmas pictures taken tomorrow... Very exciting times. We've got the dress, we've got the props (well, most of them). I have a really good idea for a pictures, but I can't tell you... It's a surprise for my dad, and he's been known to sneak in here and read this once in awhile, though he never comments here.

Yes, I'm planning for Christmas already. I have about 7 or 8 people left to buy for. I have no idea what to get my older brother or sister in law for that matter. Maybe a dinner date package with free babysitting? That might be what I do... Now the time to babysit... Hmm... maybe I'll go in with my little brother and get something nice. We'll see.

I'm bummed b/c my Grandma and Grandpa C are having Thanksgiving this Saturday, and I have school. Mom and Dad are taking Maddie so at least I'll have a little time to myself when I get home, but I need to be at class.

Not too much going on... Have a great day!

Staying home with Madeline

So on Monday, I get a call at work that my little one had a fever and needed to be picked up right away. Luckily, it was about lunch time and my mother could jet over there and pick her up. I finished up a few things and went home. She didn't have the flu, thank goodness, just stuffy head cold virus stuff accompanied with a fever. Lucky me.

So Monday, rather than tick-or-treating, we ended up at Urgent Care at Children's Mercy South. Great place, but not exacly a place that one WANTS to be. But great nonetheless. Her fever had spiked to 102 degrees Farenheit. I won't share what tests they want little girls to take with fevers that high, but it's no fun.

Tuesday morning, still has a fever, still coughing, still sniffling, and still grumping and clinging and lovey at the same time, if that makes sense. By Tuesday evening, she was much better, and running and giggling, though starting to lose her voice.

Wednesday morning, fever comes back. Still coughing and sniffly and really grumpy since the coughing kept her awake during the night. Two long naps on Wednesday and some attempts at potty training later-- She's taking her diaper off and running around like a normal toddler.

The cough is really keeping her from sleeping, but on Monday, it was still "in her head" and had not spead to her chest where they can offer any releaf for her. I think that I am supposed to take her back in the next couple of days if she's not over the cough. So much for extra vacation time.

But all's well now. Except that I think I have it. It's either that or killer allergies.