BTW...

Regarding this post. All is well now. I don't think that she suspects a thing!

A Typical Morning

Some days are just better than others. I'm not trying to discriminate against all the "other" days, but some days are just more easy going than others.

For example, Mondays. Do you really need me to tell you that Mondays are not in the favor of most people? Mondays are the biggest fight in our house. Tuesdays are not far behind.

She wants cookies for breakfast (really just the creme filling out the Oreos). I say no; suddenly, there's a screaming cry erupting from a person who should not be able to yell that loudly yet. She wants to wear the sparkly red shoes. I don't know where those are. "Go find them," I say. "I just can't, Mommy! You have to find them!" she retorts. Really? Is this how this being three thing will always be? Will being four be any better?

Finally, we're dressed and brushed and washed and out the door. Well almost. Opening the storm door has always been "her job," but today she "can't do it!" My hands are full. I push the handle on the door as three text books fall on the porch. "Madeline, pick that one up for me please." Was that nice enough? "Mommy, I just can't. You have to do it." Where does this come from? And when will it be over? (and don't tell me age 20, that will make me want to give up!)

Okay now it's time to head down the 7 steps toward the car. "Madeline, hold my hand," which is really just my little finger, because the rest are holding up all the crap that I must take to school. "Mommy, you have to carry me!" O, jeez. Seriously, kid? "Madeline, my hands are full; just walk down the steps; Mommy will help you."

As we approach the car, I open a door in order to dump all my stuff into the car. Then I open Maddie's door in and begin to pick her up to put her into her car seat. "MOMMY! I want to do it! Put me dooowww-ooowwwnnnn!" This you want to do on your own? "Okay, Madeline. You don't need to yell. Just hop up into your seat, and we'll get going to school." Patience. Keeping it. "But, Mo-Om! I don't want to go to school!"

"Just get into the car!"

And this is a "good" morning. Usually, there's more fighting to get her out of bed. Maybe I should look for a new school. Maybe I should be, over-all, a more positive person. I don't know where all this "I can't" comes from, but it drives me crazy. Seriously.

Fun Maddie Stuff, etc.

***

Me: Look, Maddie! Grandpa fixed your shoe!

Maddie: Wow! I'm actually surprised!

***

Maddie: I don't want to go to school today, Mommmm; it's boring!

(I cannot believe that I'm hearing this already... she's three!!)

***

Maddie: Mom, just let me sleep, ok?

(anytime I ask her to do something, when she's not asleep)

***

Maddie: (Singing) Girls are good, boys are bad, girls are good, boys are bad... Mom, is that right?

Me: I have no idea, Madeline, what do you think?

Maddie: (Singing) Girls are good, boys are bad, girls are good...

***

Maddie: Just boys are mean, right mom? Girls are just nice.

Me: Not all boys are mean, Maddie. Boys can be nice, too.

Maddie: Are you sure, Mama?

Me: Yes, Maddie, I'm sure.

***

Me: Madeline, will you sing a song for me?

Maddie: No, Mom, my tummy just hurts now.

Me: Okay, I'll sing a song. (Singing:) On top of spaghetti...

Maddie: Stop, Mom! That makes my ears hurt!

Me: Thanks, Hon.

***

(At the park) Maddie: Hon, will you push me on the swing?

Me: Hon? Who's 'hon'? I'm Mama!

Maddie: (grinning) No, you're Sweetie Pie!

***

Me: Maddie, you know, you need to be nice to your teacher. She wants you to be good.

Maddie: I know, Mom.

Me: Did you know that I'm going to be a teacher soon?

Maddie: Mo-om! You can't be a teacher!

Me: And why not?

Maddie: Because you're four!

Me: No, I'm four and twenty!

Maddie: Four and twenty?

Me: Is that okay with you?

Maddie: I guess.

***

Me: Maddie, what do you want to do tonight?

Maddie: I just want to hang out with you!

Me: Ah, thanks, Maddie.

Maddie: Can we watch Dora?

Me: I though you just wanted to hang out. That means reading or going outside. No Dora.

Maddie: No Dora? No Dora? But, Mo-om. I want to watch Dora!

***

Me: Maddie, be a good girl at school today. Okay?

Maddie: Okay, but, Mom-

Me: No "buts." Just be good.

Maddie: But, Mo-om-

Me: I mean it. Be good!

Maddie: But, Mom, you forgot to hug and kiss me before you go.

***

I'm going to take the Praxis on Saturday. I'm very nervous, but I know that it will be okay. I have spent the last two years getting ready for it. It's just nerve-racking to think that I HAVE to pass this test in order to be certified, and that it costs over $100. There will be no money to re-do it.

***

It's Gotta Be Somewhere...

I consider myself a person in the "easy-going," "Type-B" category of people most of the time. There are certain situations that can really make me seem the opposite, most of them involve members of the opposite sex that refuse to acknowledge the blundering of their ways and the enlightenment of my way. Most of the time, I am a flexible person, and no one needs to worry about offending me or making me angry when they make an off-hand comment. I am not easily offended and would rather concern myself with putting energy where it matters, and that is NOT with being angry over trivial matters or upset over nothing or picky about details that I cannot change anyway. This is just who I am. Not everyone is like this, but I rather enjoy this. I think it helps me enjoy the little moments in life, like getting "cuddle time" with my daughter or a ten minute phone conversation with a friend. I would consider my mother the opposite type of person. I have very few memories of "cuddling" with her or just hanging out and reading a book. She is a very "goal seeking" person, and most of her goals involved a spotless house when I was a kid. Crazy, wonderful woman. We contrast in this way. She is the uptight personality, I am the more easy going one. However, this is not always the case. I do have "things" that really bother me. "Things" that I won't do, have, touch, be near. Everyone does.

I have to say that one thing that really bothers me is underwear. Not my own, or now my daughter's, but other peoples'. I am very weird about folding even my family's under garments. I mean, they're my family. I lived with them. I made a very big deal about folding other people's underwear until I was too old to be doing that. I don't know when I was traumatized or why this bothers me so much, but it does. Every time I think about it, I flash back to age eight or so at my grandpa and grandma I's house. I found an old skate board in their garage and needed to clean it off. My grandmother handed me some soap, water, and a pair of my grandfather's old underwear to clean it with. I refused to touch anything but the band to clean with. I hated it. Eww. I'm hating even typing this. Gross.

This all leads to the bags of clothes that my dear Aunt Beth passed on to my daughter this weekend. I'm very excited about them. I went through them and found lots of pretty summer dresses and cute shorts for my little one. Also in the bag of hand-me-downs were two pair of little girl underwear that I was going to throw away. They are used underwear. Eww. I have enough money to buy underwear for my kid. Maybe not everyone does, but I do. However, my mother does not feel the same way. Before I could dump the unwanted under garments in the trash can, she "rescued" them and put them in the washer. "They're just little girls, Rachel. Their underwear can't be that bad," she smiled at me like I was crazy. "I don't care, Mother; it's gross!" came my witty reply. "Well, I'll keep them, just in case of an emergency," she smiled again.

So, I ask you, what kind of emergency will keep me from driving 3.5 miles to the closest dollar store and buying her a new pair next time I forget to pack enough underwear? What kind of "emergency" would keep me from putting her pants on her WITHOUT underwear and driving the extra 5 miles to Wal-Mart if she needed underwear that bad?

Used underwear, beware. When I find you, you're so out in the dumpster. I'm the mom. I have to draw the line. Here it is.

School Woes

In less than a year, I will be a certified teacher. I can hardly wait, but then, I can. There is so much that I have to accomplish this semester in order to student teach and be certified. Here's the run down:

1. Turn in 5 different documents, (Completed one hour ago)
2. Take Praxis II test, (Scheduled for 3/15/08, $130)
3. Register with our Career Services department, (During next week's night class)
4. Complete scholarship forms, (by March 1, with letters of recommendation)
5. Complete background check, (had it scheduled, FORGOT about it, $52.50/check, oops)
6. Complete 50 hours of observation, (6 down, 44 to go)
7. Pass all my classes, (I'm not terribly worried about this!)
8. Finish thesis paper...


And all this by mid-tem or so... I could have used a warning last semester about all the stuff that has to be done. However, I'm not sure that it would have done any good.

I Had To...

What do you think of the new background? I couldn't resist... this makes my classy blogspot seem more like MySpace or something, but I just couldn't help it.

And, if you think about it, we're all looking for Oz. Don't deny. We're all looking for that next step in our lives to happen so that we can find something more. A brain, a heart, a home, and the nerve.

A New Semester

It's crazy to think that my life will always be broken into semesters. I don't ever have to go back to a full calender year of work. I will always be able to have semesters in my life. That makes me happy.

What makes me happier is that the semesters of work are drawing nearer. Twenty-four credits to go...

Pictures, Etc.

I haven't been very good about posting pictures, but with my favorite Christmas present and the school's WiFi, it'll be a breeze, right?




First the Christmas present of my dreams:










I love it. I really do. It makes life so much easier. But now I (hopefully) won't have the excuse that the computer ate my homework! Enjoy the rest of the random pictures that I love.




See the purple mascara? I put it on Maddie, too, but I forgot to take a picutre before it went away...

Spinning!

Thanksgiving tradition Madeline and her Granny

Having fun! Don't you love that facial expression in the Christmas picutre?

See? I did take her picture in her halloween costume!

You see the goofiness?

Friends... awwwww.

Bringing in 2008

Every year I make a stupid resolution, and I feel compelled to follow it for a couple of weeks. Later, I completely forget about it and get too busy with other stuff to care. I do have some on-going self-improvements/goals that I will be working on:

1. Just saying NO, when I want to. This year, somehow, I have reverted to someone that I used to be in doing everything I can for everyone else that I can until I am physically exhausted. I'm working on it. Do you remember high school? Danielle S. told me more than once that I should have painted my little green car yellow and charge a fair. I feel like I am back there again. Really. When I say that I don't want to do something, darn-it, I mean no. Don't guilt trip me, just respect my answer. I'm a busy person. Busier than lots of other people. Right now, technically, I have three jobs, and I'm not done with my 20 page thesis. I need to pay attention to me for awhile. Seriously, people.

2. Time management is a big issue with me. I have to get used to the idea that I can't watch Grey's and Ugly Betty every week, if I have an assignment due. Not that I'll even have to chance to watch them if they don't give the writers what they want.

3. Graduating!!!!!!!!! I'm set to graduate December of 2008 with a Bachelor's of Science in Education/English. I'm ready to be done with school. 24 credit hours to go, baby!

4. Being more attentive to Madeline. Like right now. We are at my parents' house, but they are not home. She's watching a movie, and I'm doing this. We could be playing a game or something.

5. Clearing out the bitterness and fear that hold me back. I'm not going to say much here, but this is something that I work on daily, and I'm glad that I have people around to encourage me along the way. I don't know what I would do without my family and friends.

Snow!

It's snowing. Madeline will be so, so excited when I pick her up from school! I just hope that we have some day light left to play!


This morning:

Me: "Madeline, you want to know a secret?"
Mad: "Oh, yes!"
Me: "It might
snow today!"
Mad:"Yeah! Mommy! I'm so excited! I Love to eat snow!"
Me:
"Eat it? Really?"
Mad: "Mommy! Will you play in the snow with me?"
Me:
"Yes, if it snows, we can play in it."
Mad: "We can make a snow man [jumping
on the bed] and a snow angel [still jumping] and play [still bouncing, even
though she's trying to get dressed] and eat snow [unsuccessfully putting on
sock] and make a bed for the snowman [jumping again] so that the snowman can
sleep!"

It was quite humorous. I laughed. I'll post pictures if we actually get to play!

PS- Watch the local papers; my daughter is a celebrity. She got to be Santa's helper in lighting the Mayor's Christmas Tree!

PSS- Sorry for all the excalmation points. Guess I'm just super excited today! See, there's another...

More...

I recently read this artcile about how a preschooler may be more shy about showing affection to parents. Then, I had to read this hideous article for my adolescent psychology class (I wouldn't highly recomend it) about nine year olds and rainbow parties. Ugh.

The first article made me sad in a way that I know my little one isn't a baby anymore. The other one just scared me. Nine years old? Really? I was NOT thinking about stuff like that at the age of nine.

Then this morning, I as I dropped Madeline off at daycare, she hugged and kissed me at the breakfast area. Then I went to put her jacket in her classroom. As I walked passed her to leave she said, "Mom! You forgot to hug and kiss me!" It's not over yet. I have a few years to enjoy this, right?

The things that get me through a day....

Last Sunday, Madeline and I were riding with my mom and dad. Out of no where, Madeline began saying, "uh-huh, yeah, uh-huh, yeah, uh-huh, yeah..." This went on for a few seconds. I asked her what she was doing, she said,

"Talking on the phone like you do, Mama."

I can also tell that Madeline has no problem with her imagination: "Row, row, row your boat gently down the streammmmmm. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is just a popsicle."

Yesterday, we were riding with my parents again. Madeline said that she was a big girl and that mama was a big girl. I asked her if Granny was a big girl too; she smiled and said, "No, Granny's a boy!" (She does this kind of thing to get a rise out of me or whoever she's with) Then I asked her about Papa, "He's a girl!" We all laughed, and my (goofy) father did a falsetto, "Oh, really?" To which Madeline replied:

"See! I told you!"

I thought my mom was going to have to pull over. So if you were travelling in the home county, on the highway that leads from my church (in the town where I grew up) to where my parents live now, and you saw a silver SUV swerving and looking like it needed to pull over, that was just us, having a laugh.

School and school

Madeline's currently in a "funk." The kind of funk that makes her want to stay home from daycare everyday. She fights me almost every morning now. This may have started because of my lack of strict scheduling on my part. We got so used to not getting out of bed until at least seven that this semester six is just too early for us. And I do mean "us." I've bribed, I've rewarded, I've even tried to sneak her out while she's still sleeping. Everything seems to cause a fun fit. Last week, I told her that she wouldn't always have to go to daycare like she does now. We had the "kindergarten" talk.

I told her that after she turns five, she'll be able to go to kindergarten "like the big kids do." She was really excited about this. I'm not sure how exciting I can make this for the next two years though...

As I'm typing this from the general computer commons area at school, I have a morality "what would you do" question. There were just two guys sitting in the next "cubicle" over from me, one was obviously taking an on-line quiz or test of sorts, the other obviously helping him. Is this kind of think normal? I never have my friends help me with my on-line stuff other than studying. Is this the kind of situation that needs to be taken reported? Or is this the "norm," sad as it is?

Love this song...

"More Than A Memory"
Written by Lee Brice
Currently performed as a #1 hit by Garth Brooks

People say she's only in my head
Gonna take time but I'll forget
They say I need to get on with my life
But they don't realize

Is when you're dialing 6 numbers just to hang up the phone
Driving cross town just to see if she's home
Waking a friend in the dead of the night
just to hear him say it's going to be alright
When you're finding things to do, not to fall asleep
Cause you know she will be there in your dreams
that's when she's
more than a memory

I took a match to everything she ever wrote
watched her words go up in smoke
tore all her pictures off the wall that aint helping me at all

'Cause when you're talking out loud and nobody's there
you look like hell and you just don't care
you're drinking more than you ever drank
sinking down lower than you ever sank
when you find yourself falling down upon your knees
praying to God, begging him "please"
that's when she's
more than a memory

she's more
she's more

'Cause when you're dialing her number
just to hang up the phone
Driving cross town just to see if she's home
Waking a friend in the dead of the night
just to hear him say its going to be alright
When you're finding things to do, not to fall asleep
Cause you know she 's waiting in your dreams
that's when she's
more than a memory

People say she's only in my head
Gonna take time but I'll forget

Do you think it's too much when...

Do you think I watch too much Grey's if my daughter is pretending to be Dr. Bailey? And, is it bad that we're in a study room and the first thing that I though to do with this fun piece of information was to "blog" it?

Long Overdue for an Update

This school year has been a busy one so far. Among work, work, school, and Madeline, I feel a little (okay, a lot) overwhelmed with everything. I'm working at Taco Bell only on Fridays now (thank goodness), and I'm tutoring for one-two hours the other four days.

I love the tutoring. I'm not working with the age group that I plan to teach, but that's okay. My "favorite" (only because I have worked with him the longest) is a boy that I will call "James." James has come so far already with me. He is so much fun to work with. He has already written one story for me and is writing another one how. I love his creatvity. I had forgetten how much fun kids his age (8 or so) can be. I haven't been around them for so long...

I'm working on my senior thesis this semester... an enchanting twenty page paper. Did I already tell you what I'm writing about? If I haven't told you, you're going to laugh. Go here: and here:

Those two links take you to the subject of my official senior thesis. I'm analyzing them rhetorically. In a twenty page paper. Doesn't that sound like fun? I'm excited anyway...


In actual news, our President of these United States stated the following during a press conference yesterday:

"No Child Left Behind is helping replace a culture of low expectations with a commitment to high achievement for all. And the hard work being done by principals, teachers, parents and students across our country is producing results. Last month, we learned that 4th graders earned the highest math and reading scores in the history of our Nation's Report Card -- and that's good news. I'm able to report that because we actually measure now in the schools.

There is more work to be done. So long as there is an achievement gap, we have work to do. Our goal is to have every child reading and doing math at grade level by 2014. That seems reasonable to me. Seems like a reasonable thing to ask, is to have every child reading at grade level by 2014, or being able to do math at grade level by 2014. So now is the time not to roll back the accountability or water down standards.

It's reasonable to set an important goal such as that because..."

Now, if you know anything about NCLB, you know that it has many, many great features; however, you must also know that the above statement is a problem. It is stated like a poorly worded binary question. Not "every child" can achieve at grade level. I think DW and the Diva can back me up on that as they have both worked with children with disabilities. I don't know why politicians don't know this. Ugh.

It's September Already!

The school year has been going by so quickly that I have been barely keeping up.... well, at least with this. I've been very busy with school and work. My school schedule starts at 8am two days of the week. Madeline is not too happy about that. You would think she'd be fine; afterall, this is the same girl who would always be up by 6:30 no matter which day of the week. This morning, I entered her bedroom, ready to wake up my sleepy monster, but she was ready for me.

"Madeline, time to get up!"

"Mommy, I'm still sleepin'!"

"Madeline, the sun's up, it's time to get up! We have to go to school!"

"Mommy, my sun's not up. I'm not ready to wake up."

I had to leave the room because I was laughing so hard.... Just another day....

Here I Am

I'm ready to be done with classes for the summer. Really, really, really ready. Thursday is the last day. Thank goodness!

This summer has been good so far, but I don't think that I have accomplished much. Well, maybe I have and just don't realize it because I don't feel that I've thought any of it through.

In May was Madeline's 3rd birthday then my "lil" brother's 21st birthday (he made it through alive!). In June, my first class ended, and the other two began. I've been reading like crazy for school and on my own this summer. I love that. I started a new job 3 1/2 weeks ago. Taco Bell for life... well, at least for now... more on that later.

This summer I've read Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, Midsummer Night's Dream, Twelve Night, Macbeth, Hamlet, and a couple of others that aren't coming to mind right now. For my literature class right now I've read Bless Me, Ultima, So Far From God, La Maravilla, Silver Cloud Cafe, and Tatoo the Wicked Cross. Any of these I would recommend. The last of these is a little "icky" as in it has issues that wouldn't be easily discussed. Ewww. But I still liked it. Weird. I know. I've also read Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott. Loved, loved this book. Loved it. Anyone who is or going to be a mother should read it.

Speaking of mothers... my friend Hannah and her husband Luke are going have a baby sometime in the next 7 or 8 months. I'm so excited for them. I know that they are very happy with all that's happening in their lives. Congrats!

FINALLY

I had to sneak in the back way, but I finally got the school computers to let me me post. I had so much that I wanted to say. Now, I can't remember a dang thing to type. So, I'll just ramble on until "it" comes to me.

My summer class is going swimmingly. I am in Shakespeare right now. We are reading Much Ado About Nothing. I have decided that I am Beatrice, pre-Benedick. Maybe I'm not that mouthy (or "shrewish," as she is referred to in the play), but sometimes I am in my own mind. Does that count?

I'm ready to accomplish something that could be categorized as "FUN" this summer. Well, that is, I need to go do something before "mommy mode" turns into "screaming rampage of frustration." I love my daughter. School is going great. But the stress of both is getting to me. I think I need a time-out.

I'm also contemplating a part time job. I need another outlet. Maybe. I really, really wanted one job that I had a couple of interviews for, but the owner needed someone to work different hours than I can. Hopefully, I can get a job there in the fall though. It's at a local education center (something like Sylvan Learning Center, on a local-only level).

Madeline's birthday and party were very fun last week. On her birthday we went out to dinner and just hung out. I can't believe how big she is getting to be. Lately, in public people just ask me if she's three. I think, Is it that evident that she's in her 'try some threes'?

Madeline's party was a hit. Even if I did forget a complete checklist. My favorite "little" brother had to attempt to grill with a baby spatula which was really intended for the cake. He did good though.

After the party, my cousin Keri and I went back to my place to unload and put away the leftovers. The rest of the fam and friends had either gone home or to a different park (closer to my house). My parents, older brother, sister in law, their children, and my daughter went to said park. When my cousin and I arrived at said park, my dad said that my mother had a confession to make. My mother was following Maddie and playing with her at the park. While climbing a certain slide (which I detest fully), my lovely three year old told my mom to go catch her (at the bottom of the slide). Well, as my mother was walking to the front to catch my daughter, my daughter was falling off the back. She fell from the second or third step from the top of the monster slide that I detest. Note that by the time I arrived, Madeline was swinging and all was well (except maybe my mother's nerves). She has a nasty bruise on her arm and a few scratches that are pretty much gone from the side of her face. Steven (the older brother) told me later that he didn't know who cried more: Granny or Maddie.

After this adventure, we went back to my place (to trash it as Steven said [he's the one with the children who would do so, hee hee hee]). We ordered pizza for dinner and anticipated Shreck the Third. Steven, Tina (the sis-in-law), Keri, Daniel (the nephew), Samantha (the niece), Madeline, and I went to the movie. It was great fun. I haven't been to a kid's movie in a low time. I think it's time we start going. Madeline enjoyed it through her heavy eye lids, but cousin Daniel was there to help keep her awake. No worries about wasting the mullah. All was well with the movie, except for the fact that I FORGOT about a certain Erin-friend who was supposed to attend with us. She had called earlier in the day and said she wanted to go with us. I'm such a jerk for forgetting. But I was more concerned about getting the three kids and three other grown-ups all to a movie theatre they hadn't been too. Erin called me at ten after seven. fifteen minutes after I shut off my phone. I'm sorry, Erin. She hung around the 'Burg waiting on us. Then she came over, we watched Night at the Museum (very cute, as was Shreck).

I think I have decided what I'm going to write my senior thesis on next semester. Don't laugh. I'm serious. Strawberry Shortcake. Okay. Laugh a little. I did an 8-page rhetorical analysis on two SS episodes. I think I'm going to expand it. If the teacher doesn't like the idea, I'll switch to something about Gender in Shakespearean plays, or something of the sort. I know interesting stuff, huh? Not nearly as interesting as the OB, but still interesting. Maybe I'll post something serious about how I think girls are portrayed in Strawberry Shortcake, but I think people would think that I'm over-analyzing it. Heck, I think I'm over-analyzing it, but it makes for a good paper.

Pictures, etc.

This has been a very long semester. I'm a little stressed, but all is well. My new nephew is adorable, and I can't wait to get my hands on him to babysit (that is, I can't wait to have the time to get my hands on him to babysit). Here are a couple of my new favorite pictures. I have officially joined the digital camera world. I love it, but I miss my regular old film. My advantix film camera finally bit the dust. The battery went dead, and now I can't get the last roll of partially used film out or used. I'm not sure that that kind of film is still readily available anyway. C'est la vive. There are lots more pictures posted on facebook if you want to check that out.

Madeline, with attitude (below: Anthony Matthew and Madeline Grace)