Memorial Day For Moms and Daughters

Madeline is in the "asking questions" stage of her pre-school years. If you thought she was inquisitive before, "you ain't seen nothin' yet." Since she has been spending more time with and talking to her dad lately, she has been asking more and more (and more) questions about family in general. One of which is, "Who is so-and-so's daddy/mommy/brother/sister/cousin?" 'So-and-so' may refer to me or any random person in Wal-Mart, it doesn't matter the girl wants to know.



She has asked my parents who their parents are as well. My grandfather on my mother's side passed away over eight years ago. So when Madeline asked my mother about her dad, it was difficult to explain this to a three-almost-four year old. She was just not happy with our, "Well, honey, he passed away before you were born."



Sunday, on the way home from grandmother on my mother's side's house, we stopped at Grandpa's grave. I hadn't been there for five years or so*, it was difficult for me to find it. My mom helped, and soon we were all encircling the gravestone. We were trying to gently explain things to Madeline. When I told her that it was time to go, she looked up with her huge innocent eyes and said, "But I want him to get up!" So maybe we didn't answer any questions for her.



In the past eight years since the death of my grandfather, I have been a little sad that he's not around to see things like graduations, etc. But lately, as Madeline's personality continues to develope, I'm sad that my grandfather won't meet Madeline on earth. The mischevious twinkle in her eyes reminds me of him. I was too shy to really be close to my grandfather, but I think she would be if he were still around. I miss you Grandpa, and I wish you could see my wonderful daughter. You'd like her.



*My family has never been "big" in the idea of decorating/visiting graves, etc. We tend to take time to reflect together. My parents have always said that the grave is only where the physical body is, and we need to remember where the spirit is. So, don't think I'm a horrible granddaughter for not visiting his grave. I think of him often.

Bringing in 2008

Every year I make a stupid resolution, and I feel compelled to follow it for a couple of weeks. Later, I completely forget about it and get too busy with other stuff to care. I do have some on-going self-improvements/goals that I will be working on:

1. Just saying NO, when I want to. This year, somehow, I have reverted to someone that I used to be in doing everything I can for everyone else that I can until I am physically exhausted. I'm working on it. Do you remember high school? Danielle S. told me more than once that I should have painted my little green car yellow and charge a fair. I feel like I am back there again. Really. When I say that I don't want to do something, darn-it, I mean no. Don't guilt trip me, just respect my answer. I'm a busy person. Busier than lots of other people. Right now, technically, I have three jobs, and I'm not done with my 20 page thesis. I need to pay attention to me for awhile. Seriously, people.

2. Time management is a big issue with me. I have to get used to the idea that I can't watch Grey's and Ugly Betty every week, if I have an assignment due. Not that I'll even have to chance to watch them if they don't give the writers what they want.

3. Graduating!!!!!!!!! I'm set to graduate December of 2008 with a Bachelor's of Science in Education/English. I'm ready to be done with school. 24 credit hours to go, baby!

4. Being more attentive to Madeline. Like right now. We are at my parents' house, but they are not home. She's watching a movie, and I'm doing this. We could be playing a game or something.

5. Clearing out the bitterness and fear that hold me back. I'm not going to say much here, but this is something that I work on daily, and I'm glad that I have people around to encourage me along the way. I don't know what I would do without my family and friends.