Loony bin, here I come...

First of all, I'd like to say... My daughter is OFFICIALLY a toddler and my parents are officially laughing at what I will go through with her in the time near. The latest: my darling 16 month old threw an animal cracker on the floor last night. Playfully, I asked her to retrieve it and "hand it to mommy." She shook her head no. Ok, breathe, Rachel. "Madeline, pick up the cookie." Here begins the first sign of a screaming, raging fit that I have only seen once or twice when she wants me to pick her up and I cannot for one reason or another. I grabbed her arm so she wouldn't bang her head on our hardwood kitchen floor. I sat her up and told her again, "Madeline, pick up that cookie, now." Same kind of response. Then I swipe her precious "binky" and tell her to pick up the cookie and she'll get it back. Yeah... That made her really mad. She laid down, face down, on the floor and cried. I stood up and did dishes and continued with dinner. She got up and walked around the island looking for someone to save her (i/e a grandparent). No one else was near. She sat down, laid down and started over. I asked her to come back to the cookie. I got a verbal, "NO" that time. So I walked over to her, stood her up, and made her walk to the cookie, lean over and pick it up. Now, if that didn't take enough work... She picked up the cookie, and THREW IT AGAIN. Breathe, Rachel, Breathe. I hold her hand, pick up the cookie, and hand it to myself in the other hand. I told her thank you, handed her the stupid binky and continued with dinner. A few minutes later, my dad comes wandering in the room, Maddie runs to him, he scoops her up, she starts jabbering and pointing at me. She goes on for a good minute. The only word either of us caught from the jabbering was, "Cookie."

Point to ponder: Who's more stubborn? Madeline or her mom?

Labor Day Weekend

So I planned sooooo much for this last weekend, and I got my laundry done. That was it. Nice, huh? Oh well. Such as Life. I got to hang out with my daughter more than usual which is wonderful. I hate that her daycare provider gets to spend more wakeful hours during a work week than I do. Wow. Never thought I'd hear myself say that. Or see it in writing. Whichever. However, at this particular moment in time, she is NOT making it easy for me to type. She's pulling at my shirt sleeve, and I know that she just wants to type on the keyboard she doesn't really want me. So I'm reduced to peek-a-boo and typing at the same time, and it's difficult to not type what I am saying. So if you get a "where's Madeline?" or part of that randomly, I'm sorry.

I had a full day of training today in the CLT Harrisonville office. It was great. I really feel like I learned more. There are still things that I am going to be uncomfortable with for awhile, but I know that some of it will come with time. The rest I will just have to ask about.

Check out the new CLT website. See if you can find where they are advertising my blog. Fun, huh?

It's almost someone's bedtime. And I think Maddie's getting sleepy too. HaHaHa. No, really, she hasn't slept all night in about a week. A new aversion which I refuse to get used to. I am thinking it's the crib, and she's wanting a "big girl bed" (a toddler bed). Or simply something that she won't bump her head on as she does her spherical rolling at the wee hours.

I GOT IT

Had to take a second to revise my information from the last post. Not only did I fill in in Pleasant Hill last week, but I just got the call that I am going to be the PROCESSOR in P Hill from now on! Who's Excited? ME! ME! ME!!! It's closer to home by a little, and more responsibility. YEA!!!

Can you do it? Yes! I can.

So when the regular hustle and bustle starts to get to you, something new and different is always thrown your way. Okay, maybe not yours, but definitely mine. Just when I think it's all under control and I'm starting to get comfortable someone has to do something to change all my thoughts on life. I will not go into great details. Sparing you is best. But everything is changing once again. And I'm not sure it's all for the better. There are some good changes:

On Tuesday evening, my manager Brenda called me at 7 pm, "Rachel, I forgot to ask you, can you work in Pleasant Hill tomorrow? They really need another set of hands." I'm thinking, I have to go, I can't say no. But I'm so nervous. She continues: "Just be there to be the closer's assistant. Do anything she wants." That sounds like words of doom right? No, not really. I learned so much this week. How to put things together so that they really make sense to me and to everyone else in the office. I know that I probably made an error or two, but that's where the learning begins. I made sure the closer looked over all my stuff. I feel really great about getting stuff done this week at work. Though I was told that I was missed in Raymore too.

Yesterday, I went to Y'allapolooza. I took pictures. I still have to get them developed, but I will have to scan them into the computer and make all the commentary I have planned for them. That will be interesting I promise. [insert mischievous laughter here]

Madeline is growing and learning more words everyday. She has almost mastered "popcorn" now. That's probably close to her favorite food. No worries, us adults have to eat all the halls for her while she gets the rest. It's a Sunday night thing. Let's see: momma, grandpa, grandma, kitty, puppy, all done, popcorn, no, yeah, hi, bye-bye, no-no-no, and various grunts that a mom understands after a while. We're working on "drink" and "bink" which sound lots alike, but she knows them apart when I say them; I just have to get her to say them. Did I mention she can say "no"? Yeah, she's good at testing that one too. Especially when she wants to climb the steps in our living room. I say, "No, Maddie," with as much force as possible without yelling, then, "NO Madeline," raising my voice just a tad. Then comes, "Madeline Grace! Get down!" And she giggles as I scoop her up before she ends up on her head. Oh! The joys of toddlerhood are just beginning, I know. But I'm really wishing for a ranch style home right about now. Maybe soon... But if it's not the steps it's something else. Did I tell you what my precious nephew and niece did awhile back?

They are 3 and almost 2. Twenty months apart. Cute kids. Here goes: my brother and sister in law were in the living room catching a sit down moment while the youngsters were in my nephew's toy, er, I mean bed room. Rather suddenly, CRASH! The sounds of glass shatters through the house. I imagine my sister in law gasping and nearly screaming at the same time then running to the room, no telling what flashed in their heads. When they made the fifteen foot journey in three steps (as they are each six foot in height, jealous, me?), they arrive to find their children laughing. The cause? A book thrown into the light fixture on the ceiling fan. Result? Relief that no one was hurt. Time out. And lots of vacuuming for my brother. Yes, I know that the journey has only begun.

Rachel's New Favorite Quote:

I always wanted to be somebody, but now
I realize I should have been more specific.

Lily Tomlin

Raise your hand....

Most of my readers are my age, I think. That's all I ever hear from anyway, so for those of you my age... are you tired of "growing up"? Well, I'm not tired of it. I'm just tired of being left in the dust. I have to be more mature, and that's great. BUT, when I have people that I consider less mature than I am, less prepared to see the real world raise it's ugly head getting into home buying, I get extremely jealous. I, being the the real estate industry, consider myself somewhat knowledgable on the subject. Somewhat. So some of these people come to me to show me their homes and ask advice, and I want to scream, "Well, WHAT ABOUT US? When is it our turn to move out?" Can't I even afford a "manufactured home" or rent alone. And I crunch the numbers and stretch the pennies and realize it's going to be a long while. And I sink back into my advice- giving, sulking, still-living-at-home shell and still wonder when our time will be.

*("our" refering to Maddie and me)*

It's Friday

Does anyone else still celebrate TGIF? I look forward to it every week. Not that I necessarily hate my job, but I'm just so worn out all the time and sleeping in a half and hour and the possibility of catching a nap perks me up on Fridays thinking of the weekend. This weekend we have my mom's side family reunion. So excited. Really. I don't like to drive all weekend, but I know that it will be fun, once we get there. I'd rather be home working on school stuff honestly. One of my first assignments is to watch three hours of criminal justice TV and do a report. 3 hours of CSI, Law & Order, Cops or NCIS? I can handle it. It's rather a sociology assignment as we have to record the race and age of suspects and victims and what products are being advertised during the show to see who they're trying to reach. I'm excited.

Words of Wisdom from someone who's been there:

(see what my week's been like)

Don't let your child run around without clothes or diapers while trying to potty train her. Just don't do it.

Do let Grandma pick up the "cutest baby" pictures from the studio. She will buy the extras. Hee Hee!

Don't ever head to bed with a half awake little one and expect her to go right to sleep. Ever.

Do have lunch with an "old" friend. Those are the best lunches (and the longest! Oops!)

Don't hit the snooze button 4 times and expect to take a ten minute shower and be on time for work.

Do play peek-a-boo once a day. Or some other version if you only have a cat.

Don't bit off more than you can chew. Literally or figuratively.

Do call (or email or comment to) your friends and let them know what they mean to you.

Do NOT call him. You know-- HIM. (see previous post for more details)

Do keep your options open.

Don't give up.

Do strive to be happy and get what you want. While still keeping all this in mind.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

I know I just wrote about "Rainbow Resort" being sort of an under the rainbow theme, but today, I am wishing to be Dorothy on my way to OZ, while walking through a truly mystic place confronting the unknown, away with the dull black and white, and hit me with the new and bold. Give me some color and change. I want out of the old dreads and ruts. And I'm not talking about being a mom, that's never boring. Or really work. We started a new computer system today, and I am thoroughly enjoying being caught up to the 21st century here, finally. Really, it's where "love" or the lack there of is concerned (see also http://6yearmed.blogspot.com for more people who are in this same kind of rut).

I haven't really dated anyone since, well, since August of 2003. That's really a long time for me. I have been "casually dating" or "talking" or "hanging out with" a guy that I have known since high school. In fact, we were very serious in HS, and voted "Most Likely to Be A Couple in Ten Years" our senior year. Very ironically, or realistically (whichever way you prefer to phrase it), we broke up about 7 months later and hadn't talked for two years. (That's a long time, folks) We started "talking" again last November, and we still get together for a game of pool now and again. That's it though. It's really just pool. And I think that somewhere in my want-to-be romantic train of thought, I am thinking it would be cute if we were back together, but on this dreary Monday, all I want to do is detest the boy for being himself, and loathe myself for not moving on every time I get the chance. But the problem remains, that I don't really ever get the chance. He's here and now, and I don't want to work and put myself out there for someone new, not that I ever really meet new people at all. I have all my routines to a 'T', and I thought school would open up doors--there are 2 males in my class. Yeah, 2 out of about 22. Neither for me.

See also the link to my poems for more thoughts here... Have a nice day... don't let this bring you down... think happier thoughts...

Worn to the core

"Intro to Criminal Justice" ends tonight, and Criminology begins in a week. I am very excited about that class. I think that it will be the deal breaker on whether or not I stick with the program. It's supposed to be the "why" in crime.

I got to work in our Harrisonville location today to fill in for the processor. It was a great learning experience to try to learn what goes on in the company. I really liked it.

That's it for now, I'm a little tired. See y'all, ok, YOU ALL later!! ;)

Rainbow Resort

On Saturday, my cousin Tori wanted me to take her to the "Aquatic Center." I didn't want to go, in the least little bit. I was tired and annoyed and hot, and there was no way I was going to a pool in my home town while being expected to wear a swimsuit during prime hours. Huh-uh, not a chance. So, we decided to get out the little inflatable pool stored in our garage for Maddie. Little did I know, it was too little for the 9 year old Tori; that didn't go over well. But it was perfect size for my little one. It's inflatable all the way around and has an inflatable rainbow over one side to provide shade. So cute, and so perfect for a hot afternoon. Needless to say, of course, she didn't play it very long, the water was cold and the toys old. But I thinking while she was playing, I wish I had a "rainbow resort," as I'd named the pool in my mind. A little shade, a little sun, cool water, entertainment, and someone to look out for me and catch me when I slip up. Do you have a Rainbow Resort?

So the way things go

My posting is dwendeling a little, I know, I know, but I never know if anyone besides DW is reading them anyway, she's the only comment I ever get (Hint, hint, DS and Keri!). I've been really busy at work and school and with Miss Maddie lately. Crazy days at the end of a busy month. I was at work until after 5:30 last night, and still had to take the mail and recordings to our Harrisonville office. I didn't get home until after 6:15 last night. It was craziness, really. I am entering week 4 of 5 for my class... I'm doing better and have a much better learning team this time around, but it's going soooo quickly, I'm not sure that I can really, truly keep up. I have a big paper due next Tues or Wed that I haven't really started. I have half of an outline, that's it. My 9 year old cousin Tori is staying with us this week for VBS... I think I'm going nuts with her there. She's sweet, but she wants to mother my daughter and tell me what to do and I don't like it, but she's leaving Sunday. Sunday. Sunday. I'm taking Maddie and her to the pool tonight, any voluteers to go with?

I am embarking on new adventures everyday, and considering my options. I think my mother thinks I'm crazy, but we will see what happens. I applied to NWMSU with intentions to attend this coming Spring trimester. It will take probably two full years from that time, but I plan to go to school all year round. I am really starting to think that this is the best option for Maddie and for me. I can get into the career I want. I know that I can borrow $$ and work part time to afford rent, food, etc. I have an offer from a friend there to stay with her until I have a place for us, and I have a job at Sonic, if I want it. I have to get accepted again to NW and all that, but it's a thought. It's been pulling at me for awhile that I may want to do this so we'll see what happens.

Scrape, scrape, pinch, pinch.

That's how the wallet goes... I over spent maybe a tad last weekend, I'll be okay, I always am, but it was so much fun. I went to go see my cousin for her birthday... It was just good fun. Maddie was staying at my aunt's house, and she got to play with a puppy... She was very excited. So excited that she can still say puppy. Imagine that.

She was sick and I had to stay home with her on Monday and Tuesday. She's all better and running around like a crazy child now though. No worries.

PS-- I posted this poem on a poets website a couple of nights ago, and someone commented that English wasn't my first language, that I should write it in my native tongue. What? What am I speaking here?

Into the Real World

To the Youth I leave behind

When I act my age, am I then old?

When I do this, am I not

the youth of my mind?

Do I have to do what I am told?

When should I begin to

act my same exact age?

Can I not skip and run and be bold?

Do I have to stop acting as

the child inside to get by?

Must I be learn to be callus and cold?

The world as I know it,

is it left behind?

Can I your hand please hold?

To enter this new world,

grown up inside too?

Do I have to fit the mold?

Of everyone else, and

then move on and on?

Working for the gold?

That cannot pay the

bills that always come?

When I act my age, am I then old?

In the Dark

So I'm at work; I know I should be working, but this is just too good. It's Friday, we're all excited about that. It's payday, even better. We have about 3 or 4 closings scheduled for the day, this morning to be exact. The first one was at 9 am. Right in the middle of the closing there's a loud buzz and a pop. HALF of our electricity went out. HALF. I have a computer, but no lights. I can turn on my electric tart buner, but we don't have A/C. We have 4 computers and 2 work. It's craziness for sure. Our noon closing is here early and we're waiting on his loan officer, I hope he doesn't start to melt in here...

Good news is... Power just came, but who knows for how long??!! Have a good weekend everyone. I'm headed to Savannah, MO for my cousin Keri's 21st birthday. Happy Birthday, Kooowwweeeeee!! Love Always.

Too Young?

I just got told by a salesperson that I look like I'm too young to have children. Is that a compliment?

Places I cannot Go

Family reunion was this weekend. Please remind me next time I am speaking of dragging my daughter 3 hours away from home, how cranky we both become. Miss Maddie did okay, but I know that she was tired of being in the car. She didn't even want to get in the car this morning to head to day care. It was one of those moments that was almost funny (if my parents hadn't made me late)-- I picked her up despite her efforts of staying "ground bound" and lifted her toward her car seat. She let out a little squeal and cry; I took her back out--she stopped. Back in, she let out the little squeal and cry; back to the carseat with her little whines that you want to be able to stop. I finally got her hushed with a promise that we were going to daycare and it wouldn't take long. Once we were moving, she was fine. But the whole experience was pretty cute.

On Saturday morning, she and I drove to my school for a brief meeting with my financial aid officer, then we went to the computer lab where she decided that she did not want to sit in the stroller anymore, but push all the buttons on my keyboard. That didn't last long. I put her back; she objected; I overruled for about 2 minutes. She got out and played with her toys for a little while; then thought it would be fun to walk around the lab (there was no one else there, thank goodness) . Then, we left.

We drove until I realized that I hadn't gotten gas before I left Harrisonville. Where did I realize this? At Winner Rd/24 HWY off of I-435. Not the best area for a single white girl and her baby, but I truly thank God for pay at the pumps in places like those. We did not have to talk to a soul. hallaluah.

We arrived without invitation to the Sonic in Maryville, only to find it had been totally re-built and the mangers on duty were two of my best friends from when I worked there. I was invited to dinner at Applebee's and given a free drink and ice cream for me and the little one. I miss it so much. Not all the crap that I dealt with there, but the whole college atmosphere. Then I was hit with the reality that all my friends from there are graduating next spring. I met them as little freshmen in our dorms or first classes or whatever. I can't believe it really. I want to go back with a passion. I want to succeed at that college more than almost anything I have ever wanted. But I don't think that I will be able to just pick up and move there and not end up living in a hole or under a bridge. Frustrations.

We then proceeded to each grandparents house. I think we caught grandma and grandpa Coffelt napping. Madeline showed off a little there, but quickly fell asleep in my arms. SO, we packed up and went to my Grandma Inman's in Parnell, population 197, and I think that includes cats. Madeline was on top of her game there. She was showing off like I've never seen for her great-grandma. It was really cute. This is the grandma who uses a walker to get around, and Miss Mad thought it was fun to try to shake it and peek through the bars at us. My grandma was pretty "tickled," as she would say, at these happenings. My grandma's house is very, very small and filled with stuff. Lots of stuff. Madeline was trying to get some off this stuff to call her own. It kept me on my toes for sure. She hated the bathroom there (as do I, since the floor slopes to the door on entry--that room is about and inch lower than it used to be), but I had to take her with me as my grandma could not pick her up or keep her from picking up any of her "stuff" and in turn trying to eat it. The whole thing was an adventure.

The actual family reunion was my dad's side on Sunday at 12:30. Maddie let me fall asleep and we were late, but there was still plenty of food. No worries. After the meeting and "wonderful" entertainment (which was better this year, I must say); we always have a family business meeting. We discuss the births and deaths and marriages. We always elect someone as president who isn't in attendance and laugh when they try to pass a motion for that kind of nomination to be "against the rules." This year the hot topic was changing locations. Boy, was it hot. Some of the family is wanting to have the reunion someplace where the kids have something to do. Believe me, after about ten-fifteen minutes on that old swingset in the middle of July at two in the afternoon, that's quite enough, but then you're out of things to do. Most with small children don't even bother (like my very intelligent brother and sister-in-law). One of the "aunts" brought up the point that the reason we get together is for everyone to get to know each other. You can tell that her children are twenty something and thirty something. Do you know how long a one year olds attention span is? Barely long enough to eat. If they want the kids to come, they cannot expect them to sit like angels and carry on conversations with the adults. It just doesn't happen. I was afraid of most of the adults as a child, and as they get older--I still am. We nominated a committee to check out other possible locations for next year's reunion. I hope that they are ready for what's in store if the pick some place else. My only problem with the committee is that none of them have small children. Not that anyone with small children would have time for this, but still.

Sorry so windy today. That's what happens when I hang out with my family though. Beware!! Have a great day!!

Nose to the Grindstone

So back at it today... Not really wanting to even be awake and it's lunchtime by now. Maddie woke me up twice last night, I guess she was feeling the same impending doom that I was in the coming work day. But I think I'm coming down with something... I may need to be home tomorrow [insert fake coughing noise here]. I don't have much to catch up on today, which is good, but not. I don't feel like anyone even noticed I was gone. But this isn't the busier time of the month for us (always a justification for such a feeling). I had class last night and some last minute hundred things to finish up for that TODAY... So maybe I should work on that instead of posting, yeah... Probably so.

I have a family reunion this weekend in Ravenwood, MO. I will probably come back with a story or two of my disappearing daughter who magically reappears for food or diapering. Or a story of my father the family entertainment emcee and his cheesy routine. Alas, C'est la vie. What's a girl to do?

Prayer for the day: Lord, please, give me the determination to go the places I want to go... So this life won't pass me right by.

A Day of Relaxation

So I have today and tomorrow off work... it's so nice. Maddie's at daycare and we slept in til 8:15. That's a huge accomplishment... I know you all are thinking "8:15, yeah, I roll over then, but really, I haven't slept straight through to 8am in well over a year. I feel soooooo rested... it's soooo nice. I don't know how I'm going to go back to workThursay when I have to get up so early! But I'm sure Maddie will be back to herself by then. We got lots and lots of fireworks in this weekend... she really liked some of them, but she was also very very sleepy for some of them so a little cranky,but good.

Hannah's wedding was Saturday evening... yeah, I have to admit that I cried. She had a little video about the two of them... I think that many people may have had a tear or two. The wedding was beautiful, as was the bride. Very traditional and Mennonite I think. I felt a little "heathon-ish" being there, but it wasn't about me. And I'll have you know that I didn't catch the bouquet... Neither did any of you, I may add, so, A night out to scope for guys?? LOL, right.

I am scouting apartments here in Harrisonville for lack of the means to go where ever I want... I found on today that includes a washer and dryer... I think that people around here must have a contract with the local laudry mats because rarely do even the houses for rent include that. It's not fun. I don't want to take Madeline to a laundry mat if I don't have to.

Hope that everyone had a safe and happy Independence day. And that you took a moment to appriciate what it's all about!! Have a great day!

Almost Done

This coming Wednesday is my last class!! Yea! So excited. Not that it hasn't been all sorts of fun, but it will be great to get that first one out of the way and move on. I'm ready.

Saturday is hannah's wedding. Can anyone believe that? i cannot. It's gotten here sooooo quickly for me. I can't believe that it happening, but I think that she is REALLY ready for this. I know it's been a big stressor for her for a while now.

My daughter is sick. The doctor diagnosed her with foot, hand, & mouth virus. The real name starts with an 'ST' and ends in 'MITUS' or something, but I cannot remember what that name is. There's nothing that they can do I guess... it has to run its course, and we ahve to keep an eye on her fever. Lots of fun. It's super contageous so I have had to try to clean everything... I've heard that's good practice so when she gets to school and they THINK she has lice, I'll have to do the same thing. But can I get this foot, hand, mouth thing? The tingle in my throat and little ping on my thumb is just my body's way of freaking me out right? Dr. Danielle???

Class, class, class...

So our learning team is meeting at the school tonight... I have no idea where in the school, but somewhere. I have been there once and know where the bathroom and that one classroom are... That's it. Good luck, Rachel. I don't even have our assignment done this week. Frankly, I don't want to do it. I know it's a bad attitude, but I have other things to work on tonight rather than this paper, but this is the last paper. Our last night is next Wednesday! YEA! But then I have another class starting on the 13th. They can't give me a couple of week to relax or anything, huh?

So I stayed up last night to work on my paper, yeah that didn't happen too well. I almost got through my abstract. So guess who's staying up late tonight? Yeah... I spent too much time dealing with learning team drama and chatting than I did working... Oh well, better luck next time.

Self improvement tip of the day: Keep your mouth shut and your eyes and ears open, you just might learn something.

I GOT AN 'A'

I did our Learning Team assignment, and we got a perfect score. See what a little concentration and bullying can get you? LOL. Anyways, got that score back, now I need to do my paper that's due Wed. 5 pages... Haven't started. Yeah, maybe I should be working on that...

Friday a group of us went out, Okay, most of the people that read this are the ones that went. It was a good time. It was a birthday/bachlorette party. Should have been a blast, really wasn't that great. It could have been better. The whole time I was thinking, why isn't she having fun? Why won't she just smile? At one point I wanted to shake our birthday girl/bride-to-be and yell, HAVE SOME FUN! Narrow-mindedly thinking that since I have fun going to the city and bar-hopping, why the heck isn't she? There more than the blasted 30 mile radius that she sees everyday to life. But then, I had to control the drunken (tipsy, really, we walked around too much to be very drunk) tongue and not make the night any worse. On the way home while talking to her, it hit me: She's happy. She really is happy. She has a great fiance', a good family, a nice house to move into, a good job-- everything she's ever really wanted anyway. Why should our search for Friday night fulfillment interfere with something like that? So bars aren't her thing, so what? It would have been great to have had this kind of epiphany BEFORE the party, but it was still good to get out for a change. I think that she did have enough fun to justify the time and money spent out too. Better luck next bachlorette party, I guess. So, who's next?