To Do

1. Write Short Story... due Monday 2/27

2. Plan menu for dinners this week (fish sticks won't cut it)

3. Do Dishes... Yuck!

4. Check into internet prices in Harrisonville so I can take 2 summer classes online at my home.

5. Balance checkbook (yuck)

6. Clean out refidgerator (double yuck)

7. Laundry

8. Wait for IRS refund check (patience)

9. Renew my FAFSA for 2006-07

10. Study for Educational Psychology test... 2/22

11. Celebrate knowing that I won't be in escrow for the rest of my life...

12. Check into Warrensburg apartment prices!!

13. Pray about Warrensburg apartment prices.

14. Make a final decision about moving to Warrensburg, and get this degree DONE!

15. Email Q104 about how happy I am that they have the Listen On-line option now!

16. Finish my work "to do list"

17. Finish the work on my work "to do list."

18. Ponder exactly how I have 44 contacts in my phone and call about 10 of them.

19. Remember to not pray for patience anymore... teething toddlers are no fun!

20. Wash the car, inside and out.

21. Remember to take Madeline's diapers into the daycare tomorrow morning.

22. Act like I know what I'm talking about tonight at class, since I DIDN'T read the short stories this week. Oops.

23. Pay bills, elec., gas, and credit cards.

What do you have to do?

Jaded

I'm updating with a lack of enthusiasm today. I'm not in the mood for a "Love Day." I just want to be wearing a big "Bite Me!" sign on my chest. I have said for a little while now, that I don't need someone to be happy. And I don't. I don't have time (or time to make time) for someone in my life. But celebrating "Love" and "Relationships" and all the mushy stuff that goes with it makes me sad that I'm not doing things the "right" way for Madeline. I'm not married (and I won't ever be to her dad), and don't really have anyone lined up to give her life more "normalcy" (as if that really exists).

In fact, I am deeply thinking and praying about a decision that would take her out of the normal realm that she knows right now, and put us both someplace else... Warrensbug. I have meetings on Thursday to go over everything for the possibility of going to school full time this coming fall and living off loans, grants, and WIC (and maybe a part time job). But I really want to do well this time around so I don't want to work, raising Madeline will be quite enough, I think. If I go full time and through this summer, I will be done in 2008 (if not sooner). Madeline will be four about the time I would graduate, and not in kindergarten yet so I can have a chance to move her to wherever I get a job and start her someplace great. Thinking about all this makes my stomach churn. Well... back to work, lunch time is over...

Short Story...

I am enjoying my classes. I really am. Last night I finally met my creative writing Professor-- Dr. Williamson. Last night, I parked in what has become my usual, the visitor's parking and trekked to class. It's not a long walk really. Well, it's long compared to walking into Wal-Mart, but for a college campus, not far. I got to my building after nearly being mauled by a squirrel (seriously) to be "greeted" by a smoking (and I don't mean "hot") red neck in flannel. Nice representation of CMSU, buddy. Then I dug through my change to compile a dollar for dinner (20 oz. Dr. Pepper). I scrambled up the stairs and finished a little reading for the class. The time was then 6pm (time to start) and who struts in? The red neck. No joke. Dr. Williamson walks in with cowboy boots, jeans, flannel jacket and Pall Malls sticking out of his tee shirt pocket. It was the craziest thing ever. Weird.

Toward the end of class, we got into how we are shaped by other people's writing and that we should not get caught up in the political agenda of schools broadening our horizons for us, and not following all the "rules" we are used to. But we have to write a paper that is at least 10 pages, the main character cannot die, and it cannot be about "Harry Potter-like" stuff. How about them apples, huh? It's a class able unconventional writing that we have to write conventionally. I still have NO IDEA what to write about (ideas from you would be great). I'm thinking something humorous, but the idea I have, I liked at first, but not for a 10 page story. Blah. Help. That's my class in a nutshell.

Quickie

I knew that would get your attention:

1. Very frustrated with Madeline's Dad, but he is paying child support now, not willingly.

2. We are 5 days mois la Bink (without the pacifier). I wasn't really trying to get rid of it, but Mad's asked for it a couple of times and I just tell her it's "All gone, Mommy doesn't have a bink." She moves on. I hope it lasts. We'll get her off of it by age 2 as long as Grandma and Grandpa don't let her relapse.

3. It's Friday. YES! I'm ready for a weekend.

4. I have seriously thought about quitting my job, going into debt big time and going to school full time next fall. The farther I get into classes, the more I just want to get done with school. I could work somewhere part time, go to classes and still be a mom, right? Just a thought.

5. So much for a "quickie." This is turning into a regular post.

6. Super Bowl XL is Sunday. Excited? Me? Not so much? The men in my life (you know, my dad) not even that much. Weird.

7. Go to my friend Danielle's site to see some football spirit today.

8. I'm supposed to go "get drunk" at an old friend's next weekend to celebrate her birthday. Pray that I don't want to strangle anyone at the party for being immature. Ugh.

9. Let's see if I can make this a perfect ten post.

10. Is it terrible to be mad at someone and forgive them without even letting them know I was mad in the first place? Maybe not. It's bad to like him though. Build a bridge, Rachel, he's just water below. TMI, I know. Have a great weekend. Perfect ten.

On the mend to Better Again!

Madeline and I are both doing way better. I am back to work (yea! sort of), and Miss Mad's back to school. It is remarkable how much better I feel compared to last week. I have enough energy to consider myself hyper. Though by other's standards, not so much. Just for me.

I have class tonight. Yea! (for real this time) Educational Psych. I like that class. Really. It's very interesting. I am learning more than I thought I would in there, which is great. I forgot my book though, and the teacher told us to bring them to class this week. Oops. Next time...

Back to work from lunch I go... Have a great day!