I was freshly 20 and starting a new fall semester at Northwest Missouri State University. I had just gotten my own apartment in May and was very excited about living so close to campus. I didn't have a great summer or a boring summer; I was looking forward to get a kick into the new school year. I had a rough spring semester before that (bad break-up, dorms... That's another story). I had been on a few dates with Chris and was looking forward to breaking that off at the start of the new semester... My sister in law was due soon with her second child. A girl.
I remember that a couple of weeks into the semester it was harder and harder for me get out of bed and make myself go to school. I felt like I had the flu. I was working quite a few hours at Sonic so the fatigue was easily dismissed. I asked for fewer hours. Then suddenly as a car-hop I started noticing all the babies in the cars I was "hopping" to. I remember one baby boy with a mirror on his rear-facing car seat and thought about how cute that was. He stared at me while I brought his parents their food. It dawned on me as a possibility at that moment, but again dismissed. My lovely niece was born on September 18, 2003. The first time I held her, I knew I was pregnant. I don't know how. I was only 4 or 5 weeks at that point, but I knew I was pregnant as soon as her tiny body cuddled up to me. I still dismissed it though as some sort of weird getting older-not-being-a-teen-anymore thing.
A couple of weeks later, the thought wouldn't go away (and I had missed my period). I was home for a weekend. I was really worried about it. Krystle and I were hanging out... We decided to find out for sure. I was really low on cash, but had just gotten a gift card from my dear friend Jessica for my birthday in August from Target. So, to Target we went. I bought a pregnancy test and a skirt**... We took the box to the Wal-Mart in Harrisonville where I took the test. It was positive right away. I don't remember if I cried right then or not, but I remember telling Krystle that I wouldn't tell my parents until I'd been to the doctor.
I made an appointment at the college health clinic. I sat nervously in the waiting room. A nurse ushered me in and gave me "the cup." I waited in the exam room. She came in looking grave. She confirmed what the Target test had said. She talked to me about what I would do next. She gave me a brochure to the local Planned Parenthood, and I remember shaking me head "No" through the tears. She said,
I remember that a couple of weeks into the semester it was harder and harder for me get out of bed and make myself go to school. I felt like I had the flu. I was working quite a few hours at Sonic so the fatigue was easily dismissed. I asked for fewer hours. Then suddenly as a car-hop I started noticing all the babies in the cars I was "hopping" to. I remember one baby boy with a mirror on his rear-facing car seat and thought about how cute that was. He stared at me while I brought his parents their food. It dawned on me as a possibility at that moment, but again dismissed. My lovely niece was born on September 18, 2003. The first time I held her, I knew I was pregnant. I don't know how. I was only 4 or 5 weeks at that point, but I knew I was pregnant as soon as her tiny body cuddled up to me. I still dismissed it though as some sort of weird getting older-not-being-a-teen-anymore thing.
A couple of weeks later, the thought wouldn't go away (and I had missed my period). I was home for a weekend. I was really worried about it. Krystle and I were hanging out... We decided to find out for sure. I was really low on cash, but had just gotten a gift card from my dear friend Jessica for my birthday in August from Target. So, to Target we went. I bought a pregnancy test and a skirt**... We took the box to the Wal-Mart in Harrisonville where I took the test. It was positive right away. I don't remember if I cried right then or not, but I remember telling Krystle that I wouldn't tell my parents until I'd been to the doctor.
I made an appointment at the college health clinic. I sat nervously in the waiting room. A nurse ushered me in and gave me "the cup." I waited in the exam room. She came in looking grave. She confirmed what the Target test had said. She talked to me about what I would do next. She gave me a brochure to the local Planned Parenthood, and I remember shaking me head "No" through the tears. She said,
"I didn't think that you would want that."
She didn't even know me. I told her that I was going to tell my parents the following weekend. I left.
The following week my cell phone rang; it was that nurse. She asked me how it went with my parents and if I was feeling okay. It really meant a great deal to me that she took that time out for me. Someone she didn't even know.
The following week my cell phone rang; it was that nurse. She asked me how it went with my parents and if I was feeling okay. It really meant a great deal to me that she took that time out for me. Someone she didn't even know.
On May 17, 2004 Madeline Grace was born. The best day of my life.
**The skirt I bought was mostly to hide the pregnancy test on the way to the check-out. Turns out, it was a maternity skirt. I didn't even know it.
**The skirt I bought was mostly to hide the pregnancy test on the way to the check-out. Turns out, it was a maternity skirt. I didn't even know it.
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2 comments:
There's always a silver lining, eh Rach?
So glad you can look at your difficult situation that way. It makes life easier to look on the bright side.
And you've got a pretty little girl to boot!
Wow Rache! You never told me about the Target story! I loved the intro all about how normal everything seemed before (also didn't know his name was Chris) - and I loved the conclusion with how Maddie was born and became such a perfect present to everyone - Can't believe that she'll be 2 soon! See you Sat!
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