There Goes My Life

Summer, O, Summer, Where have you gone?

2009-08-05T14:08:00.003-05:00

Okay, that is a little dramatic, but I am very concerned about the beginning of autumn, by that I mean the school year, creeping up oh-so-quickly. I start my grad class this year before my first day of teaching. Of course, I have meetings, meetings, and more meetings before the school year begins. And I need to have some idea of in the world I'm going to teach my students. Yeah, that might be important.

I started looking at the "Course-Level Expectations," as they are referred to here in this great state, and since they've changed since I was in class, I'm a little lost. So, I'm looking at them for a guide and I'm going to fill out that part of my lesson plans later. As in, after I talk to someone who knows what is going on, since I haven't a clue.

We've gotten moved and somewhat settled in our new place. I love the extra roominess of a house, but I'm already dreading that I have to be the one to mow the yard. Especially when it's hot like it is this week. I think next summer I will find someone to mow it for me! I am thankful for neighbors who have the same mindset as I do with mowing--every two weeks gets the job done! Not kidding the neighbors on both sides of my house mow every two weeks. How lucky is that?

Madeline was not initially excited about the move. I think that she is better with it now that we've been there a couple of weeks. Her room is the only one that is completely unpacked. Her play room area is missing a shelf, so therefore, the toys are not all unpacked. I'm already out of shelf space in my office, so not all my notebooks are unpacked. The kitchen is...well, not done. My room is pretty much unpacked, but I'm still in the process of deciding exactly which clothes can be packed into boxes that go in the garage and which can stay in the house, since meetings start next Friday.

Last week, Madeline and I went to Wal-Mart to buy her school supplies. We found everything we needed. And it's all Hannah Montana. Yeah, that's what I said. I was just starting to appreciate Dora, but now we have to move on to Hannah. Oh boy. I'm not sure what kind of shape I'm going to be in on the first day of school though. Buying the supplies was tough, let alone sending her into that kindergarten classroom. Where did the last five years go? Really?

From Motherhood and Student-hood to Motherhood and Teaching

2009-05-05T09:51:00.004-05:00

I had almost decided to shut down this blog. Then decided that I need a place to write, even if no one is reading anymore.

I've treasured the time that I've had with my daughter since I've gone back to finish my degree. I feel like I've gotten to sneak in some extra hours at the park or playing games with her that typical working moms don't get to. At least I didn't when I worked.

Now, as I'm readying myself to enter the full-time work force, I wonder what kinds of sacrifices I'll have to make with family time. Will I have to be at the school for hours while she waits in boredom? Will she despise the profession of education as I despise the profession of business because of all the time she'll have to spend there? Or will she not want to attend college because she'll remember all the nights I've had to tell her that "Mommy's working on a paper right now; please, please, please, please go play in the OTHER room, now"?

Or will she continue the path that she's on? She pretends to teach me, her dolls, her stuffed animals, and her invisible friends, which I hope is a completely normal stage for a girl being raised as an only child. Maybe she'll be a teacher.

What will change next school year when she's in kindergarten? Will she learn all the concepts that I've worked so hard to shelter her from? Will she get special treatment because her mother's a teacher in the district? I hope not. This will not help her princess attitude in the least.

With the random selection of undergraduate classes that I'm enrolled in for the semester comes a new group of faces that I've never had classes with before. Some of them were born after I began kindergarten. Really. Some of them are closer to my age though. By a year or two. Some of them are obnoxious. Some of them are sweet. A few of them I'll even attempt to "friend" on facebook. These few are the ones in my lone English class this semester. They are young, nosey, and think they know everything about life. Like I was 5 or 6 years ago.

The braver of the few has asked me about my life. "Is that hard?" she asks of being a single mom. "YES!" I want to scream, but I'm afraid that my hasty answer will scare her away from motherhood forever. It's not that bad. It's just that being a single mother complicates things. It brings on guilt and burdens that mothers in nuclear families probably don't have. Maybe they do--they're just better at masking it than I am. Or maybe they don't have mothers who guilt trip them anytime they need a night out. Maybe.

Back to the braver of the few. She asked me about how hard it is to be a single mom. "It's tough, I'm not gonna lie," I tell her, "but I wouldn't trade it for the world," which is the truth. I told her that honestly I don't know what I would be doing without my daughter in my life right now. Working at Sonic still? I wouldn't have given up the kind of life I was living. It was fun. But everything changed when I saw the plus sign. + started my family. I just wish it wasn't so complicated for her sake.

Random Weekend Update

2009-01-19T01:01:00.004-06:00

This weekend we are having a "lazy" weekend. This simply means we're not going anywhere, not that we're not getting stuff (like homework and laundry) done at home. But we are making time for movies. Yesterday we were "snuggling in," as we call it, to watch a movie. Here's the conversation:

Me: Maddie, I'm pretty comfortable. How about you?
Madeline: Yep, I'm pretty.
Me: You mean pretty comfortable?
Madeline: Nope, I'm just pretty, Mom!

We both giggled for about ten minutes afterward! It was so cute. When we would stop giggling, we would look at each other and start up again!

Today, she made a "tent" in the living room. By "tent" I mean any and all of the available blankets, pillows and sheets in the entire apartment are in the middle of my living room floor! She's sleeping there now. As long as she stays there and doesn't try to crawl into my bed, I don't mind at all.

Madeline's latest thing is drawing pictures. She's been drawing pictures of me, in fact. She always writes "Mama" on them too. I have a sneaking suspicion that she does this because "mama" is easier (faster) to write than "Madeline"!

As some of you know, Madeline switched preschool/daycare facilities this last summer. Since then, she's had a difficult time adjusting to the new one. I think that she was getting away with alot, and I mean alot, at the the former daycare that she shouldn't have been, and I wasn't being told about it. It took her awhile, but at the new place she's finally found her stride with the teacher and the other kids. Her teacher paid her a huge compliment this week by telling me that Maddie was now one of her easier kids to have in class. She said that Madeline loves to learn during class time and pays attention really well and during their play or free time rarely causes (or finds) trouble. I'm so glad to hear that. But, then, I knew that she had it in her. She can be so, so good for me at home.

Ah, a New Semester

2009-01-13T13:24:00.002-06:00

So, I applied for a job (which I didn't get), and I put my name in at six different school to substitute teach (who haven't called). And, I'm impatient. I need to know that I'm going to have an income this semester because I may be able to live on Ramen and water, but Madeline cannot. What was my solution?

Take classes, of course!

I'm enrolled in 12 credit hours of classes that I should enjoy including Art and Spanish. I'm also enrolled in Personal Finance, which is probably one that I need, and an upper level English elective. One more semester of student loans won't kill me, right?

Maybe it's just one of those days....or weeks...

2009-01-07T00:06:00.004-06:00

Everything will begin to fall into place soon, and I'll find a job or begin substitute teaching. But until then, I'm resting. Or trying to. Getting caught up from all of those all-nighters that I pulled finishing papers or dealing with a sick kid. And I'm not sorry.

My interview for the teaching position at HHS was on Monday. I think that it went very well, considering how hectic my weekend was and how ill-prepared I felt! So, even if you don't want to hear it, here's a play-by-play of my weekend beginning at Friday morning through this morning:

Friday 9am-11am: Wake, breakfast, watch Noggin and/or Nick.
11am-12:45pm: get ready for funeral that I've been asked to play piano for, eat lunch, kiss Maddie good-bye (she hasn't been feeling well, and I don't really want to chase her all over the church during the funeral)
12:45-5:15pm: Travel to and from funeral, play piano, help serve family dinner, etc.
*5pm: Freak out b/c I'm suddenly reminded that it's Friday and I have a "get-together" in an hour and a half that I'm supposed to take food to!
5:15-6:25pm: Change attire, dig through my mother's refrigerator for veggies and sweets, mom quickly bakes some sugar cookies for me, find Oreos unopened (intended for New Year's--woo hoo!), and kiss Maddie good-bye again
6:30pm-3:30am(Sat.):Gab like mad b/c who knows how long it will be before we get together again, even if we want to!! :)
3:35am-6:45am: Arrive at my parents' house, collect my daughter, head to bed, wake up when she does, and send her to grandma!
9:30am: TV is entirely too loud. It's time to wake up.
9:45am: Maddie has hives. I noticed one at 3:30, but was too tired to realize what it was. She's never had hives. Why would she now? Text message two people who might know. My Cousin, RN advises Urgent Care...
11am: leave for Urgent Care in nearby town, mostly to appease my mother, who has not ever seen hives on a little one, and is no help.
11:45am: Two hour wait, Lunchable for Maddie, V8 for me
3pm: Urgent care Nurse Practitioner has no freaking clue what to do and won't even run a throat swab b/c of the hives. Advises Children's [Hospital]. (Note to self: no more urgent care unless I already know what it is!)
*During travel to next Urgent Care, I call my parents who meet me at Children's [Hospital]
3:45pm: Check in at THAT Urgent Care
4 pm: Called back for prelim (this is good)
4:05pm: Sent to "Minor Care" without explanation
4:10-6pm: Wait.
6pm: Friendly doc who diagnoses Maddie with strep throat. Not too concerned about hives. Says hives may be from strep or fever (which she hasn't had, at all). Prescription for Ammoxicillin and recommends Benedryl for hives.
6pm-7pm: Check out of hospital (Couldn't some of this info be taken during my two hour wait?) and find pharmacy across state line that takes my insurance.
7pm-7:30pm drive toward my parents' and find something to eat b/c I've not eaten all day long.
*Attempt (unsuccessfully) to give Madeline her meds. Ugh.
8:30 Arrive at my parents' and crash.
Sunday
6:30am Madeline awakes, chipper. Ugh.
All of Sunday we bum around. Madeline took her medicine better.
Monday
6:30 am: Madeline awakes, chipper. Ugh, again.
6:30-1pm, bum around, do laundry, prepare lunch, etc.
1pm-5:30pm: make sure younger brother can watch Madeline while I interview, prepare, interview (I'm so freakin' nervous!), come home, begin to prepare dinner
5:45pm: I hear Madeline crying in the living room. She says that her neck hurts. My mom arrives home. Madeline begins exhibiting flu-like symptoms.
6:30pm: Madeline is all cleaned up and is asleep on the couch (without dinner)
10:30pm: I go to bed.
Tuesday
6:30am: Madeline awakes, chipper. Geez....

So I took a nap today, and NOW I feel awake. And I should definitely be sleeping. I'm sorry if that was all too much information, but it's been a crazy last few days. Madeline seems totally fine today. She took her medicine like she's supposed to, and I think she had a good day at school too. I'm just hoping that I don't get sick now....

On Graduating

2008-12-18T16:45:00.002-06:00

Graduating from college was not nearly as exciting as it ought to be, mostly because I have not found a job yet. Not that I expected to, but it would be nice to join the work force and begin digging myself out of debt sometime in the next decade.

Student teaching was a completely positive experience. I couldn't have asked for a better placement and better students. I learned what I needed to learn, and I can't believe that it's over already. I can't wait to have my own classroom and teach. While I was student teaching, I couldn't help but think that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. And that made all the difference for the semester. I was comfortable and challenged at the same time; I couldn't ask for anything more than that.

On a personal level, this semester has been extremely stressful. I have had school work to complete as well as all the duties of a teacher with all the worries of a mother. There were many times that I was worried about paying bills, but we always got through. Madeline was a real trooper all semester. She's watched more Dora in the past month than I've let her watch in the past two years, just so that I could get some work done. Well, that may be an exaggeration, but not by much. Our routine became: get home, fix/eat dinner, watch TV (for Maddie)/work(for me), bath time, and bedtime. Every night. But we made it.

Madeline is excited about Christmas! I can't believe that it's only a week away... time has just flown by. Madeline helped me set up our Christmas tree around Thanksgiving. Our (not-so-) wonderful cat decided that she really, really liked our tree. I came home one day, about a week after we set it up, only to find it on the floor, ornaments all around the living room, some (including Hallmark Wizard of Oz ornaments) broken. I was furious. I got all sorts of advice on how to take care of the problem (mothballs in the tree, put the cat in the bathroom all day, etc.), but the best solution came from Madeline: "Mama, I think it's time for Tinkerbelle to go live in Granny and Grandpa's barn." So, Tink now lives in my parents' barn. And it wasn't even my idea.

During the Friday-after-Thanksgiving sale, I bought Madeline her own little (pink!) Christmas tree. She is very excited to have her own tree. I think we are going to use it all year round to display her art work. I'll try to post pictures of it, eventually. I haven't been good about posting pictures recently. I blame the crazy school schedule! :)

If I don't see you before, Merry Christmas!

The Cat and Other Adventures in the Household

2008-10-15T17:22:00.002-05:00

After a much needed vacation, the cat (Tinkerbelle) returned, mostly unscathed. She has a few "holes" in her fur coat that will eventually fill in, and she is a little more cautious around Maddie. So, perhaps Tink is learning after all.

Madeline began her dance class and seems to love it. She comes home chanting the steps that she is supposed to be learning in class. Doing them is a whole different challenge though... She tends to trip, or "trip," really. She pretends to trip while she's shuffle-stepping. So early to be such a drama queen.

Student teaching is great so far. I really feel like a student so far though... I guess that's a good thing. Right?

Ah, Yes, About the Cat

2008-09-18T17:06:00.003-05:00

We have a kitten. She is cute and cuddly. She came to our home on August 6, 2008. I love her, as does Madeline. Maddie maybe loves her a little too much. Just. A. Little. Too. Much.

Yesterday, for example, I awoke from my sinus medicine induced state to the kitten whimpering in the bathroom. Maddie was trying to give her a bath. Tinkerbell (the kitten) escaped nearly unscathed, only her tail was wet.

When we arrived home from school/work last night, Madeline dove straight for the cat. She hugged her too tight. I made her let go, and we were in good shape for awhile. Then it was time to make dinner. I had all the ingredients mixed and ready for the oven meltdown of cheese. As soon as I put the pan into the oven, I glanced at Madeline holding the kitten.

Poor Tinkerbell. Madeline had decided to give her a hair cut, well, a "fur cut," as it was. Large chunks of fur were literally flying from the safety scissors onto the floor. Completely shocked does not even begin to cover exactly what I was thinking at that moment, but it will do. Where in the world did she get this idea, and why. Holy freakin' crap.

The scissors were removed from her grasp and please precisely on top of the fridge. The cat was also set free. Madeline was in time out for a very, very long time. The cat is on vacation, but Madeline thinks she's gone forever. I know that sounds evil, but this isn't the first time that I've told her to leave that poor cat alone. Good grief. Seriously.

But last night was like World War III for us. Madeline even tipped over the coffee table while screaming that she "loves Tinkerbell" and that "today is the last day." Of what? I don't know. Maybe of having a cat. But don't worry. The cat will be back tomorrow. And will only stay if she can leave her alone. Madeline was calm by 8:30 and in bed. She even prayed/wished (she got a wishing stone from Ren Fest) for the cat to come back.

So, that's the latest episode of the pre-schooler vs. the cat. I think I won? You tell me.

A Case of the Mondays

2008-09-15T17:32:00.002-05:00

It's been awhile since I've updated this thing, but I've been cyber watching you despite my aloofness to generating information in the Web. I'm simply exhausted. That's all.

I have papers to write, students to teach (or watch, as I'm still observing), a teacher to get along with, a roommate to keep happy, friends to call or email, family to please, oh, and a child to raise. While keeping a smile on my face. It's going to be a rough semester, but I've already heard of one job opening at the end of the semester. That makes me anticipate being a contributing member of society even more quickly!

All is well. In fact, we (Maddie, my roomie, her nephew and niece, and I) went to the Renaissance Festival yesterday. We had a great time. I have some great Maddie stories, but I don't have much time today. Maybe soon though.

"Some days are like that...

2008-08-06T10:42:00.003-05:00

...Even in Australia."

Madeline has taken a new interest in Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. She likes to apply this phrase to herself whenever anything goes awry in her world (which includes her own behaviors, just like in the book).

Yesterday, I asked her if she wanted to go to Hastings to pick up the new Sugarland CD, because we keep getting that "All I Want to Do-oo-oo-oo" song stuck in our heads. But, the only part of the song that Maddie knows is the "Do-oo-oo-oo" part. I told her that she needed to find her shoes because I hadn't had them.

"Mom, I just can't find them. This is a terrible, horrible, bad day, Mom."

"Well, those happen, Madeline, even in Australia. Now, find your shoes, please."

That's just one example.

Funny Stories

2008-07-03T08:44:00.004-05:00

Sometimes, I think I must be too self assured. Just when I think my house is child-proofed, I realize that it's not. Last week, I was in the other room, away from whom I thought was a fully entertained, tuckered out Madeline. I was wrong.

She soon walked into my room with a "blackish" substance all. over. her. face.

At first I thought it was marker, and I was going to freak out a little because I have permanent markers in my house because of my recently found labeling obsession, which will come in handy in the upcoming move across town. Then I realized that it didn't really look like marker. The marks weren't quite dark enough or uniform enough. Then I realized that I hadn't fully unpacked my suitcase from the weekend before, meaning my makeup case is in plain reach.

"Don't I look beautiful, Mommy?"

"Yeeeees, but what did you put on your face, Maddie?"

"Eye lash stuff, Mama. I did it all by myself. Do you really love it?"

"Look in the mirror, Madeline."

She looked. She giggled. She grinned at me even wider, then showed me her famous "cross-eyed look."

"Let me help you put on some eye lash stuff, Madeline."

So, we did. I put that purple mascara that we used at Halloween on her. We played make-up until almost bed time. Then washed it off, giggled some more, and snuggled into bed.

"I love you, Mama."

"'Love you, too, sweetie. Next time, ask for help with the eye lash stuff."

"Of course, Mama."

***

The weekend before the fourth of July, Madeline, my brother, Erin, and I went to a fireworks show in SmallTown, USA. Madeline jabbered all the way there (thirty minutes or so form my parents' house. We picked up Erin and headed to the show. I think it was another 15 minutes or so. Madeline was ready to be out of the truck by that time. We were just turning off the highway and onto the gravel road, where every person in the county was when Madeline decided to practice her counting:

"Look, Mom! One cowboy, two cowboys!"

The three adults in the car were not entirely happy with the subject selected for her counting abilities. But we laughed for awhile anyway!

Losing It

2008-05-29T10:57:00.003-05:00

As I was frantically searching for my cell phone one morning, I summoned my daughter from her play time to aid me in my search, "Madeline, have you seen my phone?"

"No, Mom!"

"Are you sure? I can't find it anywhere. I put it right here a minute ago...did you pick it up to call someone?"

"No, Mom! I just didn't see it! I didn't lose it!"

"I put it right here, Madeline. I thought I did. Did you see Mama put it somewhere else?"

"No, Mom. You lost it. You have to find it."

"Madeline you could help me. I know I had it when...."

"Mom, I think that means you're just getting old."

"Gee, thanks, Sweetie."

"You're welcome!" Hee, hee hee.

PS- I found my phone next to my purse almost into the cushion of the couch (I thought I dropped it into my purse).

Memorial Day For Moms and Daughters

2008-05-22T11:01:00.004-05:00

Madeline is in the "asking questions" stage of her pre-school years. If you thought she was inquisitive before, "you ain't seen nothin' yet." Since she has been spending more time with and talking to her dad lately, she has been asking more and more (and more) questions about family in general. One of which is, "Who is so-and-so's daddy/mommy/brother/sister/cousin?" 'So-and-so' may refer to me or any random person in Wal-Mart, it doesn't matter the girl wants to know.

She has asked my parents who their parents are as well. My grandfather on my mother's side passed away over eight years ago. So when Madeline asked my mother about her dad, it was difficult to explain this to a three-almost-four year old. She was just not happy with our, "Well, honey, he passed away before you were born."

Sunday, on the way home from grandmother on my mother's side's house, we stopped at Grandpa's grave. I hadn't been there for five years or so*, it was difficult for me to find it. My mom helped, and soon we were all encircling the gravestone. We were trying to gently explain things to Madeline. When I told her that it was time to go, she looked up with her huge innocent eyes and said, "But I want him to get up!" So maybe we didn't answer any questions for her.

In the past eight years since the death of my grandfather, I have been a little sad that he's not around to see things like graduations, etc. But lately, as Madeline's personality continues to develope, I'm sad that my grandfather won't meet Madeline on earth. The mischevious twinkle in her eyes reminds me of him. I was too shy to really be close to my grandfather, but I think she would be if he were still around. I miss you Grandpa, and I wish you could see my wonderful daughter. You'd like her.

*My family has never been "big" in the idea of decorating/visiting graves, etc. We tend to take time to reflect together. My parents have always said that the grave is only where the physical body is, and we need to remember where the spirit is. So, don't think I'm a horrible granddaughter for not visiting his grave. I think of him often.

One Busy Weekend...

2008-05-21T10:16:00.003-05:00

This last weekend, which included the birthday party hubbub, was crazy busy. I'm releaved that it's over, but the rest of the summer will be just as busy. Madeline is really growing up before my eyes. I have to remind her sometimes that she still may need my help sometimes (like when she reaches for my scissors!). But lately, she's been extra cute, too.

Maddie: (On Sunday morning) "Mom, am I still four?"
Me: "Yes, you're still four. You can't go back to being three."
Maddie: "I'm almost five?!?!" [wide-eyed with excitement]
Me: "Don't push it!"

I don't know how she jumped from wondering if she was still four to being almost five. She is really looking forward to five because she'll be going to kindergarten and be a "school-ager" then. Oh boy!

Warning: Kids + Cupcakes = No Fun for Mom

2008-05-05T09:37:00.005-05:00

This is not for those who have a weak stomach (or for those who have ideal expectations for parenting). The story I'm about to tell is very gross, but funny in that way that irony is funny. Maybe it's more funny for fellow parents. Just beware.

Almost every weekend, Madeline and I make the trek to my mom and dad's house. It's the best bribing tool I have to keep her in line for a whole week. And besides, this week is finals and I needed someone to keep her away from my computer, research, text books, print-outs, and notebooks so that I wouldn't lose my temper. So, I packed up the car, picked her up from daycare, and headed down the road.

Important aside: Friday was Maddie's "favorite teacher friend's" last day at the daycare, since she is moving to Florida. I think one of the more "fun" (read: less busy) parents brought cupcakes for the kids. I think it was a party day (I pulled my first all-nighter of the semester Thursday night, so I'm a little fuzzy on the details from Friday morning when they were telling me the plan for the day).

I decided to take the "back" way from the 'Burg to the 'Ville in order to avoid the late afternoon traffic and check out the scenery along the way. The back way is still all highway, but it's the two lane highway that is to be avoided during any kind of "abnormal" weather. We turned from the North-South highway onto the East-West high way, and Maddie said, "Mommy, my tummy hurts." I told her that we would be to Papa and Granny's house soon (as if soon is still 30 minutes away). She tells me that her "tummy hurts" often, as she has figured out that it has the potential to get her out of going to school, so I didn't pay much attention. Not that there was much that I could do...

About 5 minutes (and a couple of "thrill hill" types) later...I heard her coughing and looked back to see if she was okay. She was not...she exploded in my back seat. More than once. I was very ill-prepared for this moment. I knew that sooner or later that this would happen while she's riding in my car. However, I had no idea that it would happen 15 miles from the nearest gas station. Seriously. The girl picked not just "no where," but smack in the middle of no where to torture her mother. Okay, so she didn't "pick" it, but really, couldn't it have happened someplace where I could have pulled off the road and taken her inside a building to change her clothes? Or washed her face?

We pulled onto a gravel road and cleaned out the car. Luckily, my pack-rat refusal to clean out my car until after finals served me well. I had extra Wal-Mart bags to help contain the wreckage. I had to change her clothes and clean out her car seat. It was the grossest thing ever. Ever. I like to think that I'm a tough chick, and maybe it was just the lack of sleep, but I don't think so. I used something like 50 handy wipes and two bottles of water (which I keep in my trunk) to help contain the grossness. Poor Madeline got her first lesson in gargling, too. I handed her a water bottle, and told her what to do. She would have made a red-neck proud with her spitting technique. After that, she said she felt better.

Maddie kept saying, "I'm so sorry, Mama," while I was cleaning up. I kept telling her that I wasn't at all mad, but I'm sure that my facial expressions were not very reassuring. Poor thing.

We got it all cleaned up and packed away and hit the road again. Before my Maddie drifted into nap time, she said, "Mama, I love you." And that made the whole thing much easier to bear.

Happy Friday to Me

2008-04-18T19:37:00.003-05:00

Honestly, this week has really been one to forget. I've been grumpy for no reason, gotten a less than desired score on a mid term, and slept very little. Until today.

I had an interview scheduled for 3:30pm today for a potential student teaching spot. The teacher wanted to make sure that I would fit into the school. This is not a bad thing, but I was beginning to wonder if anyone wanted me to be in the classroom next semester. Both of the other English student teachers have had their assignments for over a month, but I hadn't.

Now, I do. I finally have it. I'll be working in a school smaller than where I went to school, but it is a growing school with what seems to be a great outlook for students. One plus is that the teachers and students are all getting laptops next year. That will make student teaching very interesting.

I also recieved a letter today stating that I'd passed the Praxis. You know, that one that I had to pay $130 for... I passed with almost 30 points over the required amount to pass for the state standard. I felt good about the test, but it's still a relief to know that I passed and don't have to take it again in order to get my certification.

As I See It

2008-04-04T10:44:00.007-05:00

A Response to "What Schools Need to Succeed" by Stan Archie, Kansas City Star, April 4, 2008

Urban schools, including (and perhaps especially) the Kansas City school district, are in serious need of re-vamping. It's time for parents, teachers, administrators, and school board members to be concerned about the students in the district. What are they learning, and from whom they are learning? In all of this I agree with Stan Archie.

Also, parents do need to take responsibility for their children and how they act. In this too, I agree with Archie. Parents do need to be involved with their children and their learning. As a parent, I am responsible for how my daughter acts with me and at school. I am responsible for what she sees when she is at home. In that way, I am her teacher. Or at least a teacher, to her.

Archie asserts, "Teachers are not parents, and parents are not teachers. Both jobs are unique and not interchangeable" (Archie B8, KC Star). I agree that as a teacher, I am not responsible in the same way that parents are for the students, but as a parent, I am a teacher to my daughter. I was her first teacher and will (hopefully) always be around to teach and help her along her way in life.

I think if parents thought of themselves as teachers, they would have a new outlook on parenting. Being a parents is made up of being a teacher, a doctor (at least a nurse), fan, behavior specialist, counselor, tour guide, disciplinarian, and many other things all in one.

Let's encourage all parents to take responsibility for their children's learning--don't just say that it's the teacher's job. Parents need to be involved with helping their children with their homework and making sure that they are being involved in school. Teachers are not parents to all students, but parents are teachers. Sorry, Mr. Archie.

***

On a totally unrelated, but happier, note--here are some new pictures.

Maddie and Me

Maddie in a cute hat!

Playing at the park... she is really good at her "cross-eyed" look! Swinging, in MY sunglasses!
Easter Eggs!!
Easter Sunday. She totally posed for this picture... She's just a little goofy!
My adorable nephew!
Yawning... at church
I don't know who's winning... but it's a fun picture!
Anthony and his Da-da! Matching shirts... too cute!
And that's all for now. I will have more loaded on Facebook soon.

Taking my mind off the homework...

2008-03-31T13:35:00.011-05:00

I randomly found this on another blog. It seems like fun. We'll see what happens.

THE RULES:

you need 2 internet windows open to do it
1. Go to www. photobucket. com (don't sign in)
2. Type in your answer to the question in the "search" box
3. Use only the first page
4. Copy the html and paste for the answer.

WHAT IS YOUR FIRST NAME?

This is a very random thing to show up for my first name.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CANDY?

WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS?

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?

WHO IS YOUR CELEBRITY CRUSH?

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BAND?

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE?

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PAST TIME?

WHAT IS YOUR JOB?

I found this one for "mom." Then I decided to search for "Student Mom" and found this:

WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN?

WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE?

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?

ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE YOURSELF

Me? Obsessed?

2008-03-25T13:49:00.004-05:00

Maybe Jessica will disagree, but I could not resist ordering this one on-line. Maybe I am obsessed with this movie, but did you know that I have not ever actually owned the movie? I just bought this wonderful edition though. Love it!

I hope that when I am making an actual living (i.e. have a positive rather than negative income) that I can have a room devoted to The Wizard of Oz collectibles that I have so far (and plan to keep accumulating). Hmmmm. Maybe it will have to be my "office;" how great would that be. I could grade papers in with all the happiness and brightness of the collectibles and pictures. Something to think about.

School Woes, Revisted

2008-03-21T10:44:00.003-05:00

Remember this list? Here's the updated form!

Turn in 5 different documents, (Complete)
Take Praxis II test (Complete, $130)
Register with our Career Services department (Complete, just update resume)
Complete scholarship forms (Uhhhhh... didn't do. That's OKAY!)
Complete background check (Haven't rescheduled, but will soon, $52.50)
Complete 50 hours of observation (42+ done, 8 or so to go!)
Pass all my classes (Doing great so far!)
Finish thesis paper...(Need to get to work!)
Apply for grad school
Turn in observation forms

Mid-Terms

2008-03-21T10:12:00.005-05:00

Do you want to know the most frustrating grade that I have ever received on a mid-term exam? I'll tell you anyway: 179/200. One point from an A. How dare he! I studied and studied and took notes and was in class every day that I could be (considering out bouts with the flu), and I got a B+.

I just finished my last English midterm yesterday. And I don't mean just 'last' as in last of the semester. I mean that was my last undergrad English midterm. Ever. Me? Excited? Maybe.

While I was on spring break (poor planning on my part), I took the Praxis II, English: Literature, Composition, and Content Knowledge. I paid an insane $130 for this test, for 120 multiple choice questions, mind you. And it was like taking a regular classroom exam. Not as insanely difficult as most standardized tests are. I think that I did very well on it, but it will be three more weeks before I know for sure.

BTW...

2008-03-18T10:43:00.001-05:00

Regarding this post. All is well now. I don't think that she suspects a thing!

A Typical Morning

2008-03-18T10:15:00.007-05:00

Some days are just better than others. I'm not trying to discriminate against all the "other" days, but some days are just more easy going than others.

For example, Mondays. Do you really need me to tell you that Mondays are not in the favor of most people? Mondays are the biggest fight in our house. Tuesdays are not far behind.

She wants cookies for breakfast (really just the creme filling out the Oreos). I say no; suddenly, there's a screaming cry erupting from a person who should not be able to yell that loudly yet. She wants to wear the sparkly red shoes. I don't know where those are. "Go find them," I say. "I just can't, Mommy! You have to find them!" she retorts. Really? Is this how this being three thing will always be? Will being four be any better?

Finally, we're dressed and brushed and washed and out the door. Well almost. Opening the storm door has always been "her job," but today she "can't do it!" My hands are full. I push the handle on the door as three text books fall on the porch. "Madeline, pick that one up for me please." Was that nice enough? "Mommy, I just can't. You have to do it." Where does this come from? And when will it be over? (and don't tell me age 20, that will make me want to give up!)

Okay now it's time to head down the 7 steps toward the car. "Madeline, hold my hand," which is really just my little finger, because the rest are holding up all the crap that I must take to school. "Mommy, you have to carry me!" O, jeez. Seriously, kid? "Madeline, my hands are full; just walk down the steps; Mommy will help you."

As we approach the car, I open a door in order to dump all my stuff into the car. Then I open Maddie's door in and begin to pick her up to put her into her car seat. "MOMMY! I want to do it! Put me dooowww-ooowwwnnnn!" This you want to do on your own? "Okay, Madeline. You don't need to yell. Just hop up into your seat, and we'll get going to school." Patience. Keeping it. "But, Mo-Om! I don't want to go to school!"

"Just get into the car!"

And this is a "good" morning. Usually, there's more fighting to get her out of bed. Maybe I should look for a new school. Maybe I should be, over-all, a more positive person. I don't know where all this "I can't" comes from, but it drives me crazy. Seriously.

Fun Maddie Stuff, etc.

2008-03-13T12:14:00.003-05:00

***

Me: Look, Maddie! Grandpa fixed your shoe!

Maddie: Wow! I'm actually surprised!

***

Maddie: I don't want to go to school today, Mommmm; it's boring!

(I cannot believe that I'm hearing this already... she's three!!)

***

Maddie: Mom, just let me sleep, ok?

(anytime I ask her to do something, when she's not asleep)

***

Maddie: (Singing) Girls are good, boys are bad, girls are good, boys are bad... Mom, is that right?

Me: I have no idea, Madeline, what do you think?

Maddie: (Singing) Girls are good, boys are bad, girls are good...

***

Maddie: Just boys are mean, right mom? Girls are just nice.

Me: Not all boys are mean, Maddie. Boys can be nice, too.

Maddie: Are you sure, Mama?

Me: Yes, Maddie, I'm sure.

***

Me: Madeline, will you sing a song for me?

Maddie: No, Mom, my tummy just hurts now.

Me: Okay, I'll sing a song. (Singing:) On top of spaghetti...

Maddie: Stop, Mom! That makes my ears hurt!

Me: Thanks, Hon.

***

(At the park) Maddie: Hon, will you push me on the swing?

Me: Hon? Who's 'hon'? I'm Mama!

Maddie: (grinning) No, you're Sweetie Pie!

***

Me: Maddie, you know, you need to be nice to your teacher. She wants you to be good.

Maddie: I know, Mom.

Me: Did you know that I'm going to be a teacher soon?

Maddie: Mo-om! You can't be a teacher!

Me: And why not?

Maddie: Because you're four!

Me: No, I'm four and twenty!

Maddie: Four and twenty?

Me: Is that okay with you?

Maddie: I guess.

***

Me: Maddie, what do you want to do tonight?

Maddie: I just want to hang out with you!

Me: Ah, thanks, Maddie.

Maddie: Can we watch Dora?

Me: I though you just wanted to hang out. That means reading or going outside. No Dora.

Maddie: No Dora? No Dora? But, Mo-om. I want to watch Dora!

***

Me: Maddie, be a good girl at school today. Okay?

Maddie: Okay, but, Mom-

Me: No "buts." Just be good.

Maddie: But, Mo-om-

Me: I mean it. Be good!

Maddie: But, Mom, you forgot to hug and kiss me before you go.

***

I'm going to take the Praxis on Saturday. I'm very nervous, but I know that it will be okay. I have spent the last two years getting ready for it. It's just nerve-racking to think that I HAVE to pass this test in order to be certified, and that it costs over $100. There will be no money to re-do it.

***

It's Gotta Be Somewhere...

2008-03-05T10:12:00.005-06:00

I consider myself a person in the "easy-going," "Type-B" category of people most of the time. There are certain situations that can really make me seem the opposite, most of them involve members of the opposite sex that refuse to acknowledge the blundering of their ways and the enlightenment of my way. Most of the time, I am a flexible person, and no one needs to worry about offending me or making me angry when they make an off-hand comment. I am not easily offended and would rather concern myself with putting energy where it matters, and that is NOT with being angry over trivial matters or upset over nothing or picky about details that I cannot change anyway. This is just who I am. Not everyone is like this, but I rather enjoy this. I think it helps me enjoy the little moments in life, like getting "cuddle time" with my daughter or a ten minute phone conversation with a friend. I would consider my mother the opposite type of person. I have very few memories of "cuddling" with her or just hanging out and reading a book. She is a very "goal seeking" person, and most of her goals involved a spotless house when I was a kid. Crazy, wonderful woman. We contrast in this way. She is the uptight personality, I am the more easy going one. However, this is not always the case. I do have "things" that really bother me. "Things" that I won't do, have, touch, be near. Everyone does.

I have to say that one thing that really bothers me is underwear. Not my own, or now my daughter's, but other peoples'. I am very weird about folding even my family's under garments. I mean, they're my family. I lived with them. I made a very big deal about folding other people's underwear until I was too old to be doing that. I don't know when I was traumatized or why this bothers me so much, but it does. Every time I think about it, I flash back to age eight or so at my grandpa and grandma I's house. I found an old skate board in their garage and needed to clean it off. My grandmother handed me some soap, water, and a pair of my grandfather's old underwear to clean it with. I refused to touch anything but the band to clean with. I hated it. Eww. I'm hating even typing this. Gross.

This all leads to the bags of clothes that my dear Aunt Beth passed on to my daughter this weekend. I'm very excited about them. I went through them and found lots of pretty summer dresses and cute shorts for my little one. Also in the bag of hand-me-downs were two pair of little girl underwear that I was going to throw away. They are used underwear. Eww. I have enough money to buy underwear for my kid. Maybe not everyone does, but I do. However, my mother does not feel the same way. Before I could dump the unwanted under garments in the trash can, she "rescued" them and put them in the washer. "They're just little girls, Rachel. Their underwear can't be that bad," she smiled at me like I was crazy. "I don't care, Mother; it's gross!" came my witty reply. "Well, I'll keep them, just in case of an emergency," she smiled again.

So, I ask you, what kind of emergency will keep me from driving 3.5 miles to the closest dollar store and buying her a new pair next time I forget to pack enough underwear? What kind of "emergency" would keep me from putting her pants on her WITHOUT underwear and driving the extra 5 miles to Wal-Mart if she needed underwear that bad?

Used underwear, beware. When I find you, you're so out in the dumpster. I'm the mom. I have to draw the line. Here it is.

School Woes

2008-02-07T14:02:00.000-06:00

In less than a year, I will be a certified teacher. I can hardly wait, but then, I can. There is so much that I have to accomplish this semester in order to student teach and be certified. Here's the run down:

1. Turn in 5 different documents, (Completed one hour ago)
2. Take Praxis II test, (Scheduled for 3/15/08, $130)
3. Register with our Career Services department, (During next week's night class)
4. Complete scholarship forms, (by March 1, with letters of recommendation)
5. Complete background check, (had it scheduled, FORGOT about it, $52.50/check, oops)
6. Complete 50 hours of observation, (6 down, 44 to go)
7. Pass all my classes, (I'm not terribly worried about this!)
8. Finish thesis paper...

And all this by mid-tem or so... I could have used a warning last semester about all the stuff that has to be done. However, I'm not sure that it would have done any good.

I Had To...

2008-02-02T00:20:00.000-06:00

What do you think of the new background? I couldn't resist... this makes my classy blogspot seem more like MySpace or something, but I just couldn't help it.

And, if you think about it, we're all looking for Oz. Don't deny. We're all looking for that next step in our lives to happen so that we can find something more. A brain, a heart, a home, and the nerve.

A New Semester

2008-01-15T10:15:00.000-06:00

It's crazy to think that my life will always be broken into semesters. I don't ever have to go back to a full calender year of work. I will always be able to have semesters in my life. That makes me happy.

What makes me happier is that the semesters of work are drawing nearer. Twenty-four credits to go...

Pictures, Etc.

2008-01-08T12:23:00.000-06:00

I haven't been very good about posting pictures, but with my favorite Christmas present and the school's WiFi, it'll be a breeze, right?

First the Christmas present of my dreams:

I love it. I really do. It makes life so much easier. But now I (hopefully) won't have the excuse that the computer ate my homework! Enjoy the rest of the random pictures that I love.

See the purple mascara? I put it on Maddie, too, but I forgot to take a picutre before it went away...

Spinning!

Thanksgiving tradition Madeline and her Granny

Having fun! Don't you love that facial expression in the Christmas picutre?

See? I did take her picture in her halloween costume!

You see the goofiness?

Friends... awwwww.

Bringing in 2008

2007-12-31T19:50:00.000-06:00

Every year I make a stupid resolution, and I feel compelled to follow it for a couple of weeks. Later, I completely forget about it and get too busy with other stuff to care. I do have some on-going self-improvements/goals that I will be working on:

1. Just saying NO, when I want to. This year, somehow, I have reverted to someone that I used to be in doing everything I can for everyone else that I can until I am physically exhausted. I'm working on it. Do you remember high school? Danielle S. told me more than once that I should have painted my little green car yellow and charge a fair. I feel like I am back there again. Really. When I say that I don't want to do something, darn-it, I mean no. Don't guilt trip me, just respect my answer. I'm a busy person. Busier than lots of other people. Right now, technically, I have three jobs, and I'm not done with my 20 page thesis. I need to pay attention to me for awhile. Seriously, people.

2. Time management is a big issue with me. I have to get used to the idea that I can't watch Grey's and Ugly Betty every week, if I have an assignment due. Not that I'll even have to chance to watch them if they don't give the writers what they want.

3. Graduating!!!!!!!!! I'm set to graduate December of 2008 with a Bachelor's of Science in Education/English. I'm ready to be done with school. 24 credit hours to go, baby!

4. Being more attentive to Madeline. Like right now. We are at my parents' house, but they are not home. She's watching a movie, and I'm doing this. We could be playing a game or something.

5. Clearing out the bitterness and fear that hold me back. I'm not going to say much here, but this is something that I work on daily, and I'm glad that I have people around to encourage me along the way. I don't know what I would do without my family and friends.

Snow!

2007-12-06T12:41:00.000-06:00

It's snowing. Madeline will be so, so excited when I pick her up from school! I just hope that we have some day light left to play!

This morning:

Me: "Madeline, you want to know a secret?"
Mad: "Oh, yes!"
Me: "It might
snow today!"
Mad:"Yeah! Mommy! I'm so excited! I Love to eat snow!"
Me:
"Eat it? Really?"
Mad: "Mommy! Will you play in the snow with me?"
Me:
"Yes, if it snows, we can play in it."
Mad: "We can make a snow man [jumping
on the bed] and a snow angel [still jumping] and play [still bouncing, even
though she's trying to get dressed] and eat snow [unsuccessfully putting on
sock] and make a bed for the snowman [jumping again] so that the snowman can
sleep!"

It was quite humorous. I laughed. I'll post pictures if we actually get to play!

PS- Watch the local papers; my daughter is a celebrity. She got to be Santa's helper in lighting the Mayor's Christmas Tree!

PSS- Sorry for all the excalmation points. Guess I'm just super excited today! See, there's another...

More...

2007-11-14T10:10:00.000-06:00

I recently read this artcile about how a preschooler may be more shy about showing affection to parents. Then, I had to read this hideous article for my adolescent psychology class (I wouldn't highly recomend it) about nine year olds and rainbow parties. Ugh.

The first article made me sad in a way that I know my little one isn't a baby anymore. The other one just scared me. Nine years old? Really? I was NOT thinking about stuff like that at the age of nine.

Then this morning, I as I dropped Madeline off at daycare, she hugged and kissed me at the breakfast area. Then I went to put her jacket in her classroom. As I walked passed her to leave she said, "Mom! You forgot to hug and kiss me!" It's not over yet. I have a few years to enjoy this, right?

The things that get me through a day....

2007-10-29T10:25:00.000-05:00

Last Sunday, Madeline and I were riding with my mom and dad. Out of no where, Madeline began saying, "uh-huh, yeah, uh-huh, yeah, uh-huh, yeah..." This went on for a few seconds. I asked her what she was doing, she said,

"Talking on the phone like you do, Mama."

I can also tell that Madeline has no problem with her imagination: "Row, row, row your boat gently down the streammmmmm. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is just a popsicle."

Yesterday, we were riding with my parents again. Madeline said that she was a big girl and that mama was a big girl. I asked her if Granny was a big girl too; she smiled and said, "No, Granny's a boy!" (She does this kind of thing to get a rise out of me or whoever she's with) Then I asked her about Papa, "He's a girl!" We all laughed, and my (goofy) father did a falsetto, "Oh, really?" To which Madeline replied:

"See! I told you!"

I thought my mom was going to have to pull over. So if you were travelling in the home county, on the highway that leads from my church (in the town where I grew up) to where my parents live now, and you saw a silver SUV swerving and looking like it needed to pull over, that was just us, having a laugh.

School and school

2007-10-24T12:41:00.000-05:00

Madeline's currently in a "funk." The kind of funk that makes her want to stay home from daycare everyday. She fights me almost every morning now. This may have started because of my lack of strict scheduling on my part. We got so used to not getting out of bed until at least seven that this semester six is just too early for us. And I do mean "us." I've bribed, I've rewarded, I've even tried to sneak her out while she's still sleeping. Everything seems to cause a fun fit. Last week, I told her that she wouldn't always have to go to daycare like she does now. We had the "kindergarten" talk.

I told her that after she turns five, she'll be able to go to kindergarten "like the big kids do." She was really excited about this. I'm not sure how exciting I can make this for the next two years though...

As I'm typing this from the general computer commons area at school, I have a morality "what would you do" question. There were just two guys sitting in the next "cubicle" over from me, one was obviously taking an on-line quiz or test of sorts, the other obviously helping him. Is this kind of think normal? I never have my friends help me with my on-line stuff other than studying. Is this the kind of situation that needs to be taken reported? Or is this the "norm," sad as it is?

Love this song...

2007-10-23T11:03:00.000-05:00

"More Than A Memory"
Written by Lee Brice
Currently performed as a #1 hit by Garth Brooks

People say she's only in my head
Gonna take time but I'll forget
They say I need to get on with my life
But they don't realize

Is when you're dialing 6 numbers just to hang up the phone
Driving cross town just to see if she's home
Waking a friend in the dead of the night
just to hear him say it's going to be alright
When you're finding things to do, not to fall asleep
Cause you know she will be there in your dreams
that's when she's
more than a memory

I took a match to everything she ever wrote
watched her words go up in smoke
tore all her pictures off the wall that aint helping me at all

'Cause when you're talking out loud and nobody's there
you look like hell and you just don't care
you're drinking more than you ever drank
sinking down lower than you ever sank
when you find yourself falling down upon your knees
praying to God, begging him "please"
that's when she's
more than a memory

she's more
she's more

'Cause when you're dialing her number
just to hang up the phone
Driving cross town just to see if she's home
Waking a friend in the dead of the night
just to hear him say its going to be alright
When you're finding things to do, not to fall asleep
Cause you know she 's waiting in your dreams
that's when she's
more than a memory

People say she's only in my head
Gonna take time but I'll forget

Do you think it's too much when...

2007-10-21T21:04:00.000-05:00

Do you think I watch too much Grey's if my daughter is pretending to be Dr. Bailey? And, is it bad that we're in a study room and the first thing that I though to do with this fun piece of information was to "blog" it?

Long Overdue for an Update

2007-10-10T09:30:00.000-05:00

This school year has been a busy one so far. Among work, work, school, and Madeline, I feel a little (okay, a lot) overwhelmed with everything. I'm working at Taco Bell only on Fridays now (thank goodness), and I'm tutoring for one-two hours the other four days.

I love the tutoring. I'm not working with the age group that I plan to teach, but that's okay. My "favorite" (only because I have worked with him the longest) is a boy that I will call "James." James has come so far already with me. He is so much fun to work with. He has already written one story for me and is writing another one how. I love his creatvity. I had forgetten how much fun kids his age (8 or so) can be. I haven't been around them for so long...

I'm working on my senior thesis this semester... an enchanting twenty page paper. Did I already tell you what I'm writing about? If I haven't told you, you're going to laugh. Go here: and here:

Those two links take you to the subject of my official senior thesis. I'm analyzing them rhetorically. In a twenty page paper. Doesn't that sound like fun? I'm excited anyway...

In actual news, our President of these United States stated the following during a press conference yesterday:

"No Child Left Behind is helping replace a culture of low expectations with a commitment to high achievement for all. And the hard work being done by principals, teachers, parents and students across our country is producing results. Last month, we learned that 4th graders earned the highest math and reading scores in the history of our Nation's Report Card -- and that's good news. I'm able to report that because we actually measure now in the schools.

There is more work to be done. So long as there is an achievement gap, we have work to do. Our goal is to have every child reading and doing math at grade level by 2014. That seems reasonable to me. Seems like a reasonable thing to ask, is to have every child reading at grade level by 2014, or being able to do math at grade level by 2014. So now is the time not to roll back the accountability or water down standards.

It's reasonable to set an important goal such as that because..."

Now, if you know anything about NCLB, you know that it has many, many great features; however, you must also know that the above statement is a problem. It is stated like a poorly worded binary question. Not "every child" can achieve at grade level. I think DW and the Diva can back me up on that as they have both worked with children with disabilities. I don't know why politicians don't know this. Ugh.

It's September Already!

2007-09-06T12:58:00.000-05:00

The school year has been going by so quickly that I have been barely keeping up.... well, at least with this. I've been very busy with school and work. My school schedule starts at 8am two days of the week. Madeline is not too happy about that. You would think she'd be fine; afterall, this is the same girl who would always be up by 6:30 no matter which day of the week. This morning, I entered her bedroom, ready to wake up my sleepy monster, but she was ready for me.

"Madeline, time to get up!"

"Mommy, I'm still sleepin'!"

"Madeline, the sun's up, it's time to get up! We have to go to school!"

"Mommy, my sun's not up. I'm not ready to wake up."

I had to leave the room because I was laughing so hard.... Just another day....

Here I Am

2007-07-23T13:13:00.000-05:00

I'm ready to be done with classes for the summer. Really, really, really ready. Thursday is the last day. Thank goodness!

This summer has been good so far, but I don't think that I have accomplished much. Well, maybe I have and just don't realize it because I don't feel that I've thought any of it through.

In May was Madeline's 3rd birthday then my "lil" brother's 21st birthday (he made it through alive!). In June, my first class ended, and the other two began. I've been reading like crazy for school and on my own this summer. I love that. I started a new job 3 1/2 weeks ago. Taco Bell for life... well, at least for now... more on that later.

This summer I've read Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, Midsummer Night's Dream, Twelve Night, Macbeth, Hamlet, and a couple of others that aren't coming to mind right now. For my literature class right now I've read Bless Me, Ultima, So Far From God, La Maravilla, Silver Cloud Cafe, and Tatoo the Wicked Cross. Any of these I would recommend. The last of these is a little "icky" as in it has issues that wouldn't be easily discussed. Ewww. But I still liked it. Weird. I know. I've also read Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott. Loved, loved this book. Loved it. Anyone who is or going to be a mother should read it.

Speaking of mothers... my friend Hannah and her husband Luke are going have a baby sometime in the next 7 or 8 months. I'm so excited for them. I know that they are very happy with all that's happening in their lives. Congrats!

FINALLY

2007-05-24T11:49:00.000-05:00

I had to sneak in the back way, but I finally got the school computers to let me me post. I had so much that I wanted to say. Now, I can't remember a dang thing to type. So, I'll just ramble on until "it" comes to me.

My summer class is going swimmingly. I am in Shakespeare right now. We are reading Much Ado About Nothing. I have decided that I am Beatrice, pre-Benedick. Maybe I'm not that mouthy (or "shrewish," as she is referred to in the play), but sometimes I am in my own mind. Does that count?

I'm ready to accomplish something that could be categorized as "FUN" this summer. Well, that is, I need to go do something before "mommy mode" turns into "screaming rampage of frustration." I love my daughter. School is going great. But the stress of both is getting to me. I think I need a time-out.

I'm also contemplating a part time job. I need another outlet. Maybe. I really, really wanted one job that I had a couple of interviews for, but the owner needed someone to work different hours than I can. Hopefully, I can get a job there in the fall though. It's at a local education center (something like Sylvan Learning Center, on a local-only level).

Madeline's birthday and party were very fun last week. On her birthday we went out to dinner and just hung out. I can't believe how big she is getting to be. Lately, in public people just ask me if she's three. I think, Is it that evident that she's in her 'try some threes'?

Madeline's party was a hit. Even if I did forget a complete checklist. My favorite "little" brother had to attempt to grill with a baby spatula which was really intended for the cake. He did good though.

After the party, my cousin Keri and I went back to my place to unload and put away the leftovers. The rest of the fam and friends had either gone home or to a different park (closer to my house). My parents, older brother, sister in law, their children, and my daughter went to said park. When my cousin and I arrived at said park, my dad said that my mother had a confession to make. My mother was following Maddie and playing with her at the park. While climbing a certain slide (which I detest fully), my lovely three year old told my mom to go catch her (at the bottom of the slide). Well, as my mother was walking to the front to catch my daughter, my daughter was falling off the back. She fell from the second or third step from the top of the monster slide that I detest. Note that by the time I arrived, Madeline was swinging and all was well (except maybe my mother's nerves). She has a nasty bruise on her arm and a few scratches that are pretty much gone from the side of her face. Steven (the older brother) told me later that he didn't know who cried more: Granny or Maddie.

After this adventure, we went back to my place (to trash it as Steven said [he's the one with the children who would do so, hee hee hee]). We ordered pizza for dinner and anticipated Shreck the Third. Steven, Tina (the sis-in-law), Keri, Daniel (the nephew), Samantha (the niece), Madeline, and I went to the movie. It was great fun. I haven't been to a kid's movie in a low time. I think it's time we start going. Madeline enjoyed it through her heavy eye lids, but cousin Daniel was there to help keep her awake. No worries about wasting the mullah. All was well with the movie, except for the fact that I FORGOT about a certain Erin-friend who was supposed to attend with us. She had called earlier in the day and said she wanted to go with us. I'm such a jerk for forgetting. But I was more concerned about getting the three kids and three other grown-ups all to a movie theatre they hadn't been too. Erin called me at ten after seven. fifteen minutes after I shut off my phone. I'm sorry, Erin. She hung around the 'Burg waiting on us. Then she came over, we watched Night at the Museum (very cute, as was Shreck).

I think I have decided what I'm going to write my senior thesis on next semester. Don't laugh. I'm serious. Strawberry Shortcake. Okay. Laugh a little. I did an 8-page rhetorical analysis on two SS episodes. I think I'm going to expand it. If the teacher doesn't like the idea, I'll switch to something about Gender in Shakespearean plays, or something of the sort. I know interesting stuff, huh? Not nearly as interesting as the OB, but still interesting. Maybe I'll post something serious about how I think girls are portrayed in Strawberry Shortcake, but I think people would think that I'm over-analyzing it. Heck, I think I'm over-analyzing it, but it makes for a good paper.

Pictures, etc.

2007-04-14T21:09:00.000-05:00

This has been a very long semester. I'm a little stressed, but all is well. My new nephew is adorable, and I can't wait to get my hands on him to babysit (that is, I can't wait to have the time to get my hands on him to babysit). Here are a couple of my new favorite pictures. I have officially joined the digital camera world. I love it, but I miss my regular old film. My advantix film camera finally bit the dust. The battery went dead, and now I can't get the last roll of partially used film out or used. I'm not sure that that kind of film is still readily available anyway. C'est la vive. There are lots more pictures posted on facebook if you want to check that out.

Madeline, with attitude (below: Anthony Matthew and Madeline Grace)

Spring Break for Mommies

2007-03-09T09:08:00.000-06:00

This has been a great week. I'm almost sad that it's Friday already. I was sick last Saturday, and I think I'm still recovering a little. I'm still so tired. But other than that, this has been a great week.

I took a long break from studying (I didn't crack a book until yesterday). That has been wonderful. I do need to really hit the books this weekend though.

One of the best parts of the week has been going to the park and playing outside with Madeline. It's so much more fun when there's no pile of homework at home calling to you. I'm so glad the weather has been so great this week! We had so much fun at the park swinging, sliding, and spinning on the merry-go-round.

One of the other highlights of my week was getting to have a "slumber party" with my cousin Keri. We haven't gotten to really talk since before her wedding. We started talking at 10 pm on Tuesday; we hung up at 3:45 am Wednesday morning. It was great. That may be what I'm recovering from rather than illness! We talked about our family, our families, our friends and our schools. We talked about what you learn in college and what you should learn in college and what you could have learned just as easily in pre-college years. I was telling her about my dreaded history prof and his dreaded class when I told her that I really learn more history from literature classes than I do from history classes. My example was some Missouri history that I learned last semester.

Did you know that one of the stars on the rebel flag is for Missouri? That the MO legislator voted to be a "southern state"? that the governor and the legislator was run out of MO for this vote because it would be an upset to the Union? I had no idea. I thought we were just a border state. I learned this in American Literature last semester.

My cousin didn't know either. So I didn't feel so stupid! Apparently, I am not the only one who lives under a rock and falls asleep in history class. Keri said that I'm really just a history freak in disguise. I think she may be right.

Hey, It's me, The Complainer

2007-02-23T14:18:00.000-06:00

I'm trying to not complain. I don't have much to complain about, really. I'm complaing about getting B's or how 1/2 point took me from a B to a C. How does that happen? It's a freakin' half of a point!!!!

I worked and worked on that stuff this week. However, I worked too hard on the new stuff and not enough on the review stuff. I will not get an A on the test that I have studied for all week. Maybe I'm just mad at myself for not realizing all that I needed to do...

Life is good despite my current mood...

...it's warm outside...
...I don't have to do homework tonight if I don't want to...
...I have the change at 30 points of extra credit between two classes...
...I got a nap yesterday...
...my daughter is beautiful and smart....
...and entertaining...

Back When...

2007-02-20T09:03:00.000-06:00

Today, I feel like blogging something with real meaning, but I'm only getting mush from my brain. At one time, I had great things to say. But, today... not so much. I think writing so much for school drains the rest of my creativity to write.

Madeline is so much fun at this age. This morning she climbed up to me, put her face right in my face and said, "Ah, there's a smile, Mommy." Then she told me, "Mommy, my tummy hurts. I need a 'tummy egg.'" I have no idea what that is, but I think she thinks that it will make her feel all better. She got a kiss instead. (BTW, I think she was hungry... she fell asleep before dinner last night, and I couldn't wake her up for anything. She got breakfast this morning a little earlier than usual!)

I've Been Distant... I know

2007-02-15T12:06:00.000-06:00

I've been just keeping up in my 18 hour course load. However, I just got an "A+" on a paper that mattered from one of the most difficult teachers I have ever had (I mean that in a good way).

I wish I could get a good picture of all of her comments, but I can't. I really enjoyed writing this paper. I got to write about single mother-hood. It was very therapeutic.

Sesame Street:Live!

2007-02-05T00:27:00.000-06:00

There's nothing like a kids' show to make a woman feel young again! I had so much fun on Saturday! Oh, Maddie did too, no worries. We both danced, bopped and sang to the music the whole time. My camera phone wasn't working with the lighting or I would have taken pictures for 'ya. I was afraid she might get bored part way through the show or something, but no, she was tuned in the whole time. I did feel pretty young though. Most of the moms around me were "older" (by that I don't mean "old," just 10+ years older than I am). I was the only one I could see boppin' around as much as I was. But I wanted to make sure Maddie stayed interested in the music. That's my excuse, and I'm stickin' to it.

Guess What?

2007-02-02T11:30:00.000-06:00

Having a child means that I get to be a child every now and then... We're going to Sesame Street Live tomorrow! I'm excited. I think Madeline will really enjoy it. Of course, I don't get to be a kid the whole time--I had to buy the tickets, I have to drive there and be "the mom (read, really overprotective)," etc.). I think it will be lots of fun! I'll let you know how it goes!

Copying off of Jessica....

2007-01-22T11:51:00.000-06:00

This was too fun!

Me + Madeline... I hope you can tell the difference!

Redneck Time-Out

2007-01-18T08:50:00.000-06:00

I got this in an email from my cousin the other day. It made me laugh out loud (which was quite a feat considering my bitter mood at the time). Enjoy. Note that it is NOT a picture of my daughter. I would not consider doing this to her, unless... No, really, I wouldn't.

**********************

In other news, Madeline is taking to potty training like a pro. I'm extremely proud of her. She's really trying. She wants to wear "big girl panties" all the time. She's had a couple of "minor" accidents, but for the most part, she's done wonderfully.

School, Snow & Ice, Oh My!

2007-01-16T08:52:00.000-06:00

1. If you're going to make us come to school, at least finish clearing the sidewalks and parking lots. This is a lawsuit waiting to happen.

2. Don't tell me that you aren't "making" me come to school. If I skip, I receive what's called an "unexcused absence." I only have three per class. I have already used one, as the university does not require profs to excuse me from class due to my child's illness.

3. See number 1.

4. It's cold. Did you read your thermometer this morning? Did you watch the news and see what the wind chill is? My hair is frozen. Really. It's frozen.

5. See number 1, again.

6. I know it's not the usual practice to call off school for a little ice storm, but you have blocked two of my main and easy-to-remember parking lots. You're short on parking anyway. Where are you going to have everyone park? And how are you going to find me when I get lost trying to find my car?

7. See numbers 1-6.

Money, Money, Mon-EY, MON-AY

2007-01-08T11:19:00.000-06:00

What good is free money if I can't use until March or April? I need books now. I will have failed my courses without books by then.

I should not complain too much. It is free money, but the school modified my loan amount without my permission to get me another grant. I love grants, but like I said, what good is free money later, if I need real money now, (even if it comes with a horrible interest rate)?

Me? Bitter? Nah....

2007-01-04T13:19:00.000-06:00

Dear Mr. Advisor Guy:

I just did a degree audit. I found the following note regarding the Hated-Political-Science class that I just completed:

>X = CREDIT REDUCTION FOR NON-DUPLICATABLE COURSE. GRADES AVG.

I only took this class because you advised me to. I informed you that I had taken two other hated-political-science classes at other schools that should have covered this credit. I waisted time and money on this class when I really needed to be in other classes for my major. Now, instead of having all fifteen credits of Fall '06 count toward graduation, only 12 do. I want to graduate by May '08, and I don't have time for anymore useless credits or credit reductions. What are you going to do to help me rectify this situation? I want my waisted time back. I'll settle for a financial credit for a class for this Spring '07 semester. Please advise.

Sincerely,

Me
A/K/A The Disgruntled Student

Even More Pictures...

2007-01-03T12:29:00.000-06:00

Here are a few of my latest from my camera. You have no idea how happy it makes me to be able to take these picutes and email and text them to every one! I love it!

My Lil' Star

Thanks, Danielle S.!

Samantha (my niece) and Maddie at play

Daniel (my nephew) being himself

Happy New Year!

2007-01-02T12:40:00.000-06:00

I trust that you all had a great New Year's celebration, or at least a safe one. Me? I stayed up too late and am still sleep deprived.

How's the font color now? Better or Worse? Sounding like an eye doc yet?

It's almost 2007, but here's to Christmas

2006-12-31T10:21:00.000-06:00

After a long day's work of opening the presents that Santa brought, my cutie is zonked out in her new Disney Princess chair.

PS-- Like the new Layout? Better or worse?

What I've Learned So Far on Christmas Vacation...

2006-12-20T15:04:00.000-06:00

1. No matter how many times my daughter hasn't been sick during the school year, she will run a fever, get an earache, and tonsillitis when I need to go to work.

2. I can be happy with less than straight A's.

3. Harry Potter books are much, much better than I thought. I read book four yesterday while tending my sick child. Yes, the whole thing. All 700+ pages.

4. Shopping around for my textbooks online will save me at LEAST $50. At least. Probably more. Even with shipping on each book separately.

5. All that I am thinking about is going back to school in a few weeks. I can't wait. It was a tough semester, but I'm really excited about my classes this coming semester.

6. I am not at all prepared for Christmas. Well, Santa is ready at my house, but other than that, nada.

7. I'm broke so I'm working; I'm working so I'm broke. Do you have any idea how far it is from The Burg to RMore? Over an hour. I'm crazy. But it's only for three weeks. I only had to work one whole day to pay for my gas for the whole three weeks.

Almost There

2006-12-13T10:10:00.000-06:00

I have two finals and that reflection paper. That's all then I'm done with my first semester back to school as a full-time student.

I made up my "plan" for the classes that I need for the rest of my school carreer. Sadly, I will be here until December '08, but my last semester before student teaching will be all the Upper-Level English electives that I need and want to take. Yea!

Monday

2006-12-11T12:00:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I took a nap. Which, to you may not be a big deal, but it was a very long nap. During naps, I don't get anything done. No papers. No typing. No cleaning. Nothing. But you know what? It doesn't matter. I have one more reflection paper to write. That's all. I just have to study for my finals and write one stinking reflection paper. Then the semester will be over.

I'm waisting time a little right now. I do have a funny Maddie story though. Well, it was really, really, really funny at the time. Erin came over on Saturday to just hang out. We were teasing Maddie instead of me getting her to bed. It was Saturday, after all. I blew a raspberry on her belly. She giggled and giggled. Then, she did returned the favor on the side of my face. Then Erin got her face and so on, and so on. Maddie started just holding up her shirt so we could see her belly and show that she was ready for me to get her. Erin said to me, "Your turn!" I tickled Maddie's belly; Erin got her face. Before I could "get" Maddie again, she turns to me and says, "Your turn!"

Okay, it was really, super funny at the time. I can't even type this with out laughing. I don't think reading it will do it justice though. Anyway, I think I'm going to go to the Union to study. I have almost two hours until my American Lit Final.

Autumn, Snow, and Ice? Oh My!

2006-11-30T12:54:00.000-06:00

"-8c." That's what the bank sign blared as I got Madeline to daycare this morning. We stayed in until I was sure that the roadways were absolutely clear enough for the Princess (that's Madeline, BTW, I know that I am well past the stage where calling myself a "princess" in unacceptable. I'm now the Queen). I do not mind driving in and on ice and snow. My car handles well, and I've had some practice. However, I do not like driving on it with Madeline in the car. She is an added distraction, that angel. Anyway, we stayed home until after lunch, just in enough time for me to make it to my 12:30 class.

After parking in a great spot, I had just enough time to check my hotmail account for news about working over Christmas break, then rush to class across campus. Class was cancelled. Really. I rushed all the way over there in this freaking cold weather, which I dislike to a major degree, and class was cancelled. Growl. I want bonus points!

To top it off, I'm near the "bull's eye," as Brian Busby put it during the weather report last night. The 'Burg, which I now call my home, is set up to receive up to 16 inches of snow. Who need that much? I'll take 3, please. That's plenty. Especially considering that I don't have a shovel to clear my porch and steps! Though, I do look forward to seeing my daughter all bundled up in her pink coveralls with her purple coat, bright pink mittens, striped tassel fleece hat, and Princess boots. We will play in the snow... We might build a snow friend or make snow angels or have a snow ball fight or just run around in circles like crazy people. That is what I am looking forward to. The only thing that I can handle looking forward to on this freezing cold day.

It's a Boy!

2006-11-21T09:59:00.000-06:00

I haven't officially shared this news until now, because I did not feel that it was my news to share. But now, I'm just too dang excited not to share... Are you ready?

Really?

Matthew (everyone's favorite little brother) and his girlfriend Andrea (who is wonderful) are having a baby. Not only that, but they had a sonogram today and found out that they were having a healthy baby BOY!

I am very excited for them. I know that they will make great parents. Congratulations, Kids! (well, maybe I shouldn't call them kids any more...) I'm very happy for you!

And the Mother-of-the-Year Award Goes To...

2006-11-21T09:41:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I decided to try out the local public library with Miss Maddie in tow. We had not been there yet, and I thought I'd had enough of Cat in the Hat for at least a day. We parked in the smallest parking lot ever, only because someone else was leaving. Then entered the new looking library. When we got to the children's section, Madeline spotted a puzzle table and a play house and big bean bag chair; she spotted them rather loudly. After I got her shushed, I went on a search for "rhymie" books. This is not easy. I have not been in the children's section of the library since I didn't have to lean down to pick the books. I found five that seemed like they'd work well for her. I let her test them at the cutest little person table I think I've ever seen, then we were headed to the check out counter.

Madeline did not want to leave the children's section of the library. She let me know by "going limp," you know, the start of a fit when a child refuses to listen to her momma by simply sitting down on the floor while her momma tries to pull her along, that kind of "going limp."

Finally, I coaxed her to the checkout counter, and I started filling out the paperwork for a library card and getting the books ready to go.

"Mommy! Down!" which translates into, "Mommy, put me down right now, or I'll scream!" So, I put her down with a threatening warning (the kind you talk through your teeth to sound "meaner"), "Stay RIGHT HERE!"

"Okay, Momma, stay right here!" She was playing along the counter, then started heading toward the front, the glassed in entry-way to be exact. The kind of glass that you can see all the way outside to, yeah, that kind.

Yes.

She ran, head on into the wall of glass thinking that she was about to escape into the great outdoors.

"TWAPP!" then all the AARP-lovin' ladies behind the counter went, "AHHH!" (in a loud whisper, of course). She didn't cry until they did that.

I scooped her up, filled out an accident form for the librarian, took the books, and ran.

...A mother who keeps better track of her two-year-old at the library.

On The Election

2006-11-10T10:36:00.000-06:00

Dear Missourians (and others who may stumble upon this):

I really don't know where to begin. My state let me down on Tuesday. I'm not even talking about democrats taking control of the house and senate. I know that those people will be held accountable by the people of this country and issues will eventually work themselves out. I am strangely okay with that.

What I am not okay with is amendment two. I'm really not. How can anyone (especially 60% of Missourians who voted) think that this is okay? Don't get me wrong, I am all for finding cures to cancer and Parkinson and all the other diseases that plague the people, but is it really worth killing embryos to get it? Did people really know that scientists would be creating embryos not with sperm and eggs, but with purchased eggs and adult stem cells? Do people really know what that means for research? Did people know that this was already legal in good ol' Missouri and that this amendment just makes sure that we can never make it illegal? This is an AMENDMENT to the CONSTITUTION of Missouri, People!! Not just some "question" that we can come back to and change later.

Did voters educate themselves on the risks of egg donors? Donors could suffer anything from kidney failure to death after donating eggs to this research. Is this something that I want to pay for as a taxpayer? Nope.

The research is bad enough, but knowing that my tax dollars could go to fund this research is outrageous. It makes me not want to pay taxes for the rest of my life, but I will.

It's so sad that we no longer link church and state, but we can pass this kind of research into our constitution. Sad.

Here's a conversation I had with a fellow sad person regarding the election on Tuesday:

KG: I cannot believe that McCaskell got elected! How can people not see through her??!!
Me: Well, I watched some of the debates, and Talent didn't look so hot himself...
KG: How watches those things anyway?
Me: [huff] I do!
KG: That's right! Informed voters! That's who! How many people do you think are uninformed voters?
Me: I don't know? 50% or 75% maybe?
KG: I'll tell you, over 60% because that's how many voted for Amendment 2!!
Me: [trying not to laugh] I see what you mean...

It's not funny, but it is. And, BTW, darn you people who voted for Amendment Two because you felt sorry for the people in the commercials. Darn you.

Sincerely,
Former Embryo, Rachel

on behalf of former embryos everywhere, including my daughter Madeline Grace

Trick Or Treat!

2006-11-01T10:02:00.000-06:00

Last night was a blast. Madeline was on top of her game as a princess. She had the pink dress, the clip on ear rings, the septor, and (of course) the tierra. We walk to downtown "The 'Burg" and followed a huge line of trick-or-treators around the block. Local business (and local politians campaigning) opened their doors (and cars... weird, but strangely normal, I think) to kids looking for a safe place to get candy. I was happy to see that the kids came with adults/parents; so the place wasn't just overrun by kids. Maddie didn't really get into saying, "Trick or Treat;" she more or less just held her bag up for people to put candy in. The funny thing was that if she didn't see them put the candy in she would just leave her bag up there... and if there was more than one person in a location handing out candy, she was sure to put her bag up for both people!! It was very cute. Toward the end (note that we walked about 4 blocks there and around was another 4 blocks or so), I would ask her if she wanted to get in her stroller, "No Thank you, Momma." But she was so, so tired. I'll post pictures when I get them developed. She was too cute. We got more candy than we needed for sure... so if you come visit us, we'll give you candy, probably until Christmas!

Oh, yeah. I dressed up as a pirate.

Bear with Me

2006-10-18T12:33:00.000-05:00

Disclaimer: Venting

I love school, and I am thrilled that I have that going in my life right now. I really am. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have that going for me right now.

Recently, I did something unsmart. It wasn't stupid, at least not enough to be labled "stupid," it just wasn't smart. I emailed an old friend that I had tried to call before I moved. His phone number had changed. Who changes their phone number and doesn't tell a friend. So, wanting full closure on what I thought was a friendship, I emailed him. It wasn't the kind of email popping in your mind right about now... No, there was no cursing or drama. Just a simple, Hi, I'm happy. I'm hoping you are too, kind of thing. No questions that prompted a response. He responded with his phone number and a direct request to call him. I responded with my stupid closure excuse and that I would not call. If he wanted to talk that he could call me. I even put my phone number in the email...

He (gasp of sarcasm here) hasn't called. But now I'm having thoughts that perhaps I shouldn't have let that friend break away. Perhaps, I should not have severed that tie. I know it's for the best. But we had been friends for awhile and letting go has never been my thing, but now I know that "it's" over. Whatever "it" was. I don't like non-happy endings. Though it wasn't a sad ending either. But everything has to end. I suppose I am jsut spoiled by the fact that I have life-long friends and when I have to lose someone that I have been really close to, it just doesn't seem right to me. C'est La Vive.

Okay, I'm done. Thanks for listening; have a great day!

Friday

2006-10-13T11:54:00.000-05:00

My 11am class was cancelled, now I have to wait around for my 2pm class. I am "working" on a paper. You can tell how hard I am working, can't you?

I developed more film this week. One of the rolls had been in my purse forever. What was on it? Pictures from when Madeline was just a couple of months old up to her first birthday. She was so little!! I cannot believe how time has passed! She is such a little lady now, not so much a baby!

H'ville Homecoming is tonight. I am going to at least some of the game. Probably not the whole thing; I sincerely doubt that Madeline can sit still that long.

That's all for now... Have a great weekend.

Pictures of Life

2006-10-10T16:22:00.000-05:00

I love taking picutres of my daughter... These are of an adventure with a catapillar... notice the "redneck" overalls? And it's not the "being overalls" that makes them redneck. Enjoy.

Some of the pictures I took vertically... I like some of those better, but you all would be straining your necks to see them as I don't think that I can rotate after I upload them here. Please, please correct me if I'm wrong.

Life as a Student/Mother/Slacker

2006-10-04T10:10:00.000-05:00

**Edit**
So, my program/major requires that all students have either a minor or a "cognative area." The difference? Cognative area is about half the hours. I hadn't declared and finally asked one of my advisors about this today... he showed me that I have enough French to cover my cognative area! I don't have to worry about it! Now, this may not be big news to you, but it is to me!! Scratch that off of my "Things to Worry About Later List!" Now, back to your regularly scheduled blog:

Okay, maybe a slightly reformed slacker. And maybe not a slacker so much as a procrastinator. I should be studying for my first mid-term, but I'm not. I should be starting a paper, but I'm not. And last night rather than studying, I watched United 93, and bawled almost the whole time. I couldn't help remembering all the fear that I felt then... Okay, I didn't even post on 9/11 this year... That's enough, Rachel (yes, I'm talking to myself).

I recently took in a couple of rolls of (gasp!) film into be developed. Two of the rolls were fairly old (a year?) and one of them had a few pics of our Christmas last year. They are really cute. I forgot my disk, or I would be posting them. I had one roll from just here recently, but it's taking longer to develop. SOMEONE (who I love dearly and will be my daughter forever, so is highly forgivable) switched my camera to panoramic during this last roll... They may cost more to develop too... I knew I should have just gotten the disk! (Can I make up for not posting pictures by having all sorts of fun links??)

What I have accomplished so far this week:
1. Watched Rainbow Bright
2. Bought The Little Mermaid
3. Rented Grey's season two, disks one and two
4. Typed a paper
5. Read Bridges of Madison County
6. Walked a mile (m/l, more I think) pushing a stroller
7. Looked at my midterm study guide
8. Went to classes
9. Ate dinner with a friend
10. Made it to the bank (in LS)
11. Had a weird "reaction" to Bridges of Madison County that kept me up until 2am.

To Do:
1. Quit thinking about Bridges of Madison County
2. Read Hatchet (for school assignment)
3. Study for midterm
4. Finish watching Grey's
5. Go for another walk (it made me feel better, even if it killed my back)
6. Pack for the wedding (Keri's getting married on SATURDAY)
7. Remind two teachers that I will be gone on Friday
8. Sleep. By 10pm at least one night
9. And remind myself that most of this needs to be done while Madeline's asleep or at daycare.
10. Tell Madeline's daycare that she will be gone on Friday
11. Sleep... Is that already here?

Is that enough info, Danielle?

Oh! And I had to post this for a funny...

WOMAN'S POEM

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

MAN'S POEM

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a da#*.

Okay, I thought was funny... Laugh!

weekend fun

2006-09-25T15:21:00.000-05:00

My cousin Keri is getting married on October 7th. I am pretty sure that I posted about it, but I'm currently too lazy to go dig up that post for you to link to. I think it was called "We're Going to the Chapel." Anyway, Saturday night was her bachlorette party. We had so much fun. I don't think that I have ever had that much fun with people that I barely know ever. My legs are so sore from dancing today though that I didn't think that I would make it up to the third floor. Yeah, we had that much fun. More later, I'm attempting to check my email, and the compture's not letting me into yahoo.com. Weird.

Nightmare Free, and counting

2006-09-18T10:34:00.000-05:00

Free for 3 nights now... If only I could sleep. I didn't get Madeline to bed until 11:30, I stayed in there until midnight to make sure she was asleep. I laid in my bed for over two hours until I could fall asleep. Seriously. Seven thirty came all too early. I don't know how Danielle does the staying awake for days at a time thing.

I let Madeline sleep in this morning until about 8:15. Who wants a grumpy two year old? Pas moi!! But I had showered and brushed and make-up'd already. When she did get good and awake, she looked at me and said, "Pretty." I don't know if she was fishing for a compliment through her messy hair and half pj'd and half normal clothes or saying it to me. I'm going with "to me." Which was too cute. But I knew that!

When I got her to daycare, the director again came up to me and told me how well my daughter is doing. She said that her skills and vocabulary make her seem older than just over two. Makes this mom swell a little. Just to know that someone (unbias, b/c you ppl would fit into the "bias" category) else knows that she's intelligent beyond her years.

I'm still Here

2006-09-15T10:43:00.000-05:00

So, I haven't updated.... I can't really say why. I'll state the, "Uh, I was busy" excuse. And I have been. School is taking time. Which was expected. And I LOVE it. I love school. I'm such a nerd. I really feel like this is where I belong, and I am kicking myself for not taking this leap a year or so earlier.

I haven't been sleeping well lately though, and that mixed with the, "Uh...busy," makes things just down right tiring. Madeline's been having night terrors or really bad nightmares this week. In fact, last night was her first night without them for a whole week. I'm still tired, but I feel better after a whole's night's sleep than I have all week. As I yawn three times in a paragraph. It's just because I was thinking about it.

Happy weekend.

Why TV is important

2006-09-07T16:06:00.000-05:00

I had no idea there was anything of note going on the world until I got to Government at 12:30 today. Really. You people with TV should be ashamed of yourselves for not writing about it. Afterall, I want to know about these things. Sort of.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14717778/

PS-- I have a TV, just no way to get reception without cable or "rabbit ears."

On Getting Older...

2006-09-06T12:24:00.000-05:00

This morning "The Princess" and I slept in. It was nice, but I like to have her to "school" before 9, as her "class" starts around 9am. We awoke at 8am. I decided to get her ready and forego my normal pick out clothes, etc. for myself (don't worry, I did brush and wash before we left). I grabbed a clean long sleeved Tee from the drawer. As I was putting it on, I realized that this particuliar shirt was nearly five years old. Besides that, there were OLDER Tees lying next to it. Tees from 1999. Seriously. I put on the long sleeved "Thespian" shirt and went on my way.

On campus today, I joked in my head (I do that instead of talking out loud to myself), that some other girl had "my" back pack, and that I should bet her that mine was older. Then I realized how old mine was and wanted to cry. I realized that my ex bought this back pack for my for my nineteenth birthday. I'm 23.

(British) Literature, Literature (for Adolescence), (American) Literature

2006-08-30T13:05:00.000-05:00

My one o'clock class was cancelled. The 2nd of the 2 of the classes that I really enjoy on Monday and Wednesdays. Literature for Adolescence. I climbed three flights of stairs only to see the posting. I had been two doors down for my eleven o'clock class and did not see this sign. But I have to climb those same three flights to pludge to my two o'clock. Skipping sounds very appealing at the moment. Two o'clock is early American Lit with is really, really reminding me of Mrs. Cockill's class, for the reasons I didn't want to remember about that class. This professor, it seems, likes to hear her own voice and be right. All the time. All. The. Time. It drives me batty. I know that this is the stuff that we HAVE to read for early American Literature, but it's so dull. But it's all that's there. I'm determined as a teacher to teach what I can stand of this, and let the history books do the rest. That's all the literature is from that era is recorded history. Dry. Dull. I'll take Beowulf any day!

Speaking of, that's what my first paper is on coming up for my British Lit class. We have one translations of Beowulf in our books, but we have to find another one and compare the two. Fully opinion (which is my kind of paper!), and I can get one paper out of the way early. This is the third time I've studied Beowulf, so if I don't have it now, I never will! (Once in HS, once in Intro to Lit @ NW, and now!)

For art, I'm needing to find a current event to do a presentation on. But we can't repeat someone else's presentation. I don't present until October 26... I think that I'll have to wait until like the 20th to even pick a topic and hope that no one takes it between then and the 26th.

Jessica-- You may think I was a little harsh on the iPod peeps... but I have yet to get one iPod-listening-messenger-bag-toting-soul to make eye contact. No, not one. No, not one. You, my dear friend, seem to be an exceptional person, but then, you knew that.

Danielle-- Yes, yes, I'm getting old. The big 2-3. That's way old. But then it's not the number. It's the mentality, I think. I again heard a drunken weekend story that I believe would have abhorred my conscience being 3-4 years ago. A story of strippers in one hotel room and "girls gone wild" in the other. Chills down my spine. Great nipple story to you though.

I'm wearing my "Mom" bracelet today. It makes me smile just to see it. I got "the lip" when I dropped Miss Mad off at "school" this morning. As my late grandpa would have said "a bird could have perched..." well, I'm not going to say what he always did. She didn't cry; she just pouted. It still made me a little sad, but I know once she started in on the cinimon roll, she was going to be fine. The director was right there to help her into breakfast and get her to class too.

I think we're all settled into our place. Officially. I threw away boxes and more boxes in Tuesday's trash collection. It took three trips to get them all to the road. I hung up pictures like crazy on Monday; the only one's I have left at the Wizard of Oz ones. That's b/c I have 2 of those. I don't like groups of two on the wall. I think I'll have to deal, but I may ask for another pic from the parental units for Christmas.

Monday, Monday

2006-08-28T12:07:00.000-05:00

I've been to college before. I really have. I just now have an insanely conservative outlook on life in general now. Well, maybe not "insane," but close. My wild weekend included popcorn and kisses from my daughter. I heard some guy ask another if anyone got arrested at his party on Saturday night. I think I shot them an accidental look of surprise. I shouldn't have. They are acting like college boys do, but it's just so different for me. Really. Maybe I'm just turning into my mother earlier than I thought I would be.

Another thing-- besides the drunken behavior talk-- no one talks to each other here. They're all too busy talking on their phones, texting, or listening to their dang iPods. Now, I'm all for technology, but I came to school so that I would have to be constantly answering phones all day. Really.

Too Darn Hot

2006-08-24T10:46:00.000-05:00

The boys? No, they could never be.... It's too hot to be walking all over the free world looking for my classes. Seriously. Okay, maybe it's not that bad. Perhaps, if I shed a few pounds it would be a little easier.

I'm in the "Computer Commons" area right now... there's a baby a few rows back that the mother is "Sushing." It's cracking me up. I don't know why, but it is... I guess, just b/c it's not me!

I should be doing some homework now, but, oh, wait, what's that? I'm DONE. I did it last night and don't have a class until noon. I'm not used to working ahead. I realize that this is just the first week and I will have plenty to do in the coming weeks, but I am welcoming the break for now!

Okay, enough. Back to wandering aimlessly around campus.

Moving, Being Moved, and the Black Hole (aka, My New Laundry Room)

2006-08-23T09:15:00.000-05:00

I realize it's been awhile, but I don't have internet at my new place and haven't trecked it to the library until today. My classes start in less than an hour and my stomach is going CRAZY with butterflies. It was three years ago this semester that I was pregnant... wow.

We're still settling into our new place. I still have a box here and there to unpack, but we're there for the most part. Madeline is still getting used to the idea of her own bedroom. And bed for that matter so it's going to be a little bit of a battle I think. But she has really cute bed stuff!!

I'm really excited about Mad's new daycare. It seems great... but she was not very excited about it this morning. She cried more than I ever want to see her cry when I leave her anywhere. I know she'll be fine, but I have to admit I cried too. No matter how much I think I'm doing the right thing here, I still have doubts.

I'm very excited that my new place has a dishwasher and washer and dryer. I cannot tell you how excited I am without you actually witnessing this goofy grin I have on my face right now. However, our laundry room is in the basement. I have to walk outside and down a hill to get there. And it's REALLY a basement. An unfinished on at that. It will be a little scary, and I have a felling that I'll lose some great clothes to the dryer. (Violen here please)

One thing that I will get used to is looking at college boys again. As long as they don't speak, they're perfect. Just kiddding. Sort of. Off to class. I hope you enjoyed the update. Have a great day.

Growl

2006-08-10T16:59:00.000-05:00

Having a bad day at work... Only 4 days left. If you hear me whispering this, it's because it's my mantra (sp?). "Only 4 days..."

[note: I'm not as bi-polar as I may seem on here... I can have a bad day right after a great day and not be bi-polar, right?]

Happy Day

2006-08-09T08:30:00.000-05:00

Thanks for your birthday wishes, Danielle and Jessica!

I had a happy day. Really. Madeline and I spent the night before at my parents so that we could wake up to a nice cool house for once... Before we were totally awake yesterday, she started singing, "Happy birthday to you..." Now, I don't know if that was random or what, but it was very cute and made my day! Madeline was soon at daycare, and I headed to "The Burg" (as I'll call it here) to cover some school/daycare/misc. Business. I got my $45 parking pass (ouch!), my info on health insurance, my promisary note signed, application for child care "help" filled out, and toured a GREAT daycare facility there. I'm enrolling my monster, I mean, daughter as soon as possible. It's a very structured daycare, that I didn't think I would ever want, but there is so much room for these kids to play and learn. They have a preschool in the morning with reading and music and art and science from 9 to 11 every day (and recess). I'm very excited about this place. Very. I'm mailing the enrollment form today. Yes, I'm that excited.

Went to LATE lunch with Danielle S. (who clearly sympathizes with me one being old, unlike DW... j/k). That was fun... it's always great to catch up.

I was going to go home and take a little cat nap before dinner, but I decided to pick up my daughter early from daycare and go to the park. Yes, it was hot, but she had fun for the whole 20-30 minutes I let her play. I didn't have a hat for her with me, and she was saying that her hair was hot (we did have sunscreen for the rest of her though, no worries). We caught up with "Granny and Pa Pa" at "Pa Pa's office" and headed to Longhorn for dinner. I only chose that place for the Chocolate Stampede. Yes, it was great! (And, bonus, we got it for free b/c I told the server I wanted that instead of the normal one!)

It really was a great day... I'm excited about getting totally moved and getting started with school. I'm ready. Thanks again for the birthday wishes, you gals are the best.

PS-- found my phone! (Note for posterity: always check your pockets)

So that's what happens...

2006-07-30T18:06:00.000-05:00

If you haven't heard from Danielle or Jessica... I went out with them and a few others on Friday night. I was a little nervous leaving Madeline with a new sitter (not that it was the sitter that made me nervous, just the fact the Maddie's two and can act very, very two... that made me nervous). We had a blast. Danielle and Jessica called it a night (like normal people would) around 11:30 or so, I think. The others and this mom? Well, I didn't get home until after 2am. The last time that I stayed up that late... was... well... maybe sometime that Madeline couldn't sleep... or was sick... it's been years otherwise. Our friend Danielle S turned 23 on the 27th and we were celebrating.

But I lost my cell phone. Not at the restaurant. Not at the bowling alley (which was very, cool). Nope, not at the bar (where there seemed to be an abundance of men! Yea!). Not even at the babysitter's house where I picked up Madeline. I had it right after that. I checked the time. No, sometime in my 2am daze, half-asleep state, I lost my cell phone. It will turn up. I know it will. The battery's dead so I can't call it and find it either. So, don't call or text me. Well, you can call, just leave a voicemail, with your name and number (b/c Lawd knows, those are all in my cell phone), and I'll check the messages and call you back when I can. E-mail works too.

But it was worth it. Even if I never find that dang phone, it was worth it. Thanks for a great night out.

Positive Thinking

2006-07-24T12:36:00.000-05:00

*My mother's leg will heal. She will be less stir crazy... eventually.
*My daughter will not be two forever.
*We are moving to "The 'Burg" (I signed the lease and everything!)
*My parents will have to call and make plans to come over.
*Two bedrooms will be much better than one.
*One dishwasher will be much better than none.
*My own washer and dryer will be Magnificent. Even if they break.
*Having a little deck and yard (maintenance free, mind you) will be peaceful.
*My landlord NOT living downstairs is a definate plus.

All for now.... sorry so cryptic.... Out of time AND energy... never a great combo.

2006-07-19T08:46:00.000-05:00

*I'm annoyed that everyone else in the county needs to go to Wal*Mart at the same time as I do.
*I'm annoyed that there are only 2 Wal*Marts in my county.
*I'm annoyed...gas prices.
*I'm annoyed that my 10 year old cousin is staying at my parents and requires as much attention as my two year old.
*I'm annoyed that I decided to take them both to Wal*Mart.
*Annoyed that school hasn't started yet.
*I'm annoyed that I'll be 23 in less than a month.
*I'm annoyed that I'm so annoyed.
*I'm annoyed that this all is not as humorous as it was last night in my head.

10 unspoken thoughts

2006-07-06T11:58:00.000-05:00

I stole this from Missing JT Snow who stole it from Kami. Try it yourself - List ten things you want to say to people you know but you never will, for whatever reason. Don't say who they are. Use each person only once:

1. I want to laugh at you everytime I think about you. I avoid your family, friends and former friends like the plague just because I 'm afraid I'll say something I'll regret, like, "You got what you deserved." And I hope by now, you can keep it in your pants.

2. I have to admit that I wasn't sure about your relationship at first, but I am truly happy for you now.

3. You've been there for me since kindergarten, and I've always felt like we had something in common with the "country bumkin" in us compared to everyone else. I'm sorry that I didn't call on your birthday. I'm a selfish friend. Hope it was happy.

4. We've never been that close, but weirdly I know more about you in the last couple of years than I ever did growing up. Thanks for starting a blog.

5. Get over yourself already. The whole world is NOT against you. You are against change in the world. Grow up and face it like a WOman.

6. Listen to me you immature little prick, I don't care what you are doing now. I don't care that I am not getting money from you anymore, but I do care that what you think doesn't matter DOES. And that you think you can walk back anytime you want, you can't.

7. I wish I had the power to tell you, "No." I have the power in my head, but then you call and it's gone. Like magic. Like the magic we used to have. I would do (almost) anything for you. And almost anything to have you back.

8. I love you with all my heart. You are my favorite person on the whole planet. I never knew that one person could change my life so much, so quickly, so completely.

9. No matter what, I'm always here for you. I hope that you can talk to me about stuff. I know that I'm way into "mom" world, and I'm starting to sound like my mom... but I hope that you can always ask my advice or for an ear to listen, even if you never plan on heeding my advice or talking very loud.

10. You're so thoughtful. whenever I'm having a bad week. I know that you'll send something that will cheer me up. Whether it's a little letter in the mail, pictures or an email or a comment. Whatever it is, you make me smile. Thanks for being so great. You have no idea what it means. I'm sorry that I'm not so hot at returning the favor.

Memorable

2006-07-05T20:30:00.000-05:00

Friday night was my dad's side of the family Independence Day celebration. We always try to move it around to accomidate as many as possible. This year we wanted to make sure my "little" brother was going to be there (he works Sat., Sun., and Mon. nights). We were having a great time. One of Grandma's cousins was there which Dad hadn't seen in over 30 years. Dad went over board on fireworks even more than usual this year. Probably to celebrate his indepence from children as this is his first in 33 years that he hasn't had at least one child living at home. On the finale round of fireworks, all the "boys" got in close to light the massive round of boxes that held the fireworks. They'd all read the directions, including my brother. When Matthew (that's my "little" brother) leaned into light his "box," the aerial shell blasted out of the box, and into his forehead and one skimmed the side of his face and his right ear. He was thrown to the ground. I was standing on the deck; then I was running. He got up holding his head and the side of his face. When he got into the light, we all could see that he had black powder all over his face and the hugest goose egg anyone had ever seen in the middle of his forehead. Hugest. He was bleeding just a little on the side of his face. That was pretty much the end of my good mood for the evening.

Madeline and I went home late. Got to sleep late. Woke up late. I awoke at about 9:30 to my phone ringing. It was my older brother. "Sorry to wake you." That's not a good thing to hear first thing in the morning. "Mom tried to out-do Matthew this morning."

"What?!"

"Well, I guess Mom was walking down the stairs into the kitchen this morning, she fell and broke her left leg. Pretty bad. Mom and Dad are at the hospital right now."

I was still thinking that this was a dream, in my non-wakeful state.

But it's all true. Cross my heart. Mom had surgery on Saturday afternoon. 6 screws and one plate in her leg right about her ankle. She's on crutches and moving a little slow, but okay.

Both of these happenings could have been worse. We're counting our blessings.

Friday, June 30, 2006

2006-06-30T12:36:00.000-05:00

This morning I woke up. I went to work. Now I'm at the library. Later I have a family thing. Next week Madeline's daycare is closed (lucky me). I have to go to the Post Office before I get back to work. Oh, the exciting days of our lives...

Welcome to "Our World"

2006-06-30T12:33:00.000-05:00

Jessica-- so glad you got a blog... I know that I have your phone number, and I know that you have email, and I know that you have text messages, and I know that we have been friends since we were four, but this somehow seems so much easier... Welcome.

Visit Jessica at the Psych Ward!

Potty Training [Warning, may be TMI]

2006-06-25T14:09:00.000-05:00

Madeline awoke before I wanted to. I set her up with breakfast snacks, Dora, and a new diaper and went back to bed [note that my bedroom and TV are 12' away from each other]. After the first Dora episode was over, Madeline walked into the bedroom, said, "Diaper change, Momma!" and handed me her diaper (she also told me what was in it, but I'll leave out the 'gory' details).

Then was bath time. After bath I had her sit on the potty. She finally went in the potty. She heard it looked down then gave her famous surprise face. I almost cried. We're on our way to a diaper-free home!!

PS-- please don't taunt her by telling her that I posted this in say, 11 years, or so...

Update, from the loony bin

2006-06-13T19:45:00.000-05:00

I went to a not so sad funeral today. Well, it was still sad. I'm still human; I still don't want to lose anyone close to me, but it was a celebration. Pearl attended the little church that I grew up in from the 40's or 50's until 2 or 3 weeks ago. I will miss her, but everyone there today knew that she's gone on to a better place. Why do I bring this up to you? Because I played the piano at the funeral. Nervous as all get out? Yes, yes, I was. I played my first funeral.

Madeline's 2. She bit me today. Actually, about an hour ago. Still have red teeth marks. I bit her back. But I'm running out of options and patience for this.

Update on moving: I'm working in Harrisonville now instead of Pleasant Hill. Closer to home, farther from school. Therefore, I have decided that we aren't moving until AT LEAST August, maybe later, depending on what we find. I may decide to drive for the semester. I doubt it, but I may. I'm itching to have my own bedroom again.

I was going to post some pictures, but it's taking too dang long. Next time maybe.

We're goin' to the Chapel, and we're, goin' to get...

2006-06-06T22:45:00.000-05:00

Mar-ar-ar-aried. Okay, not "we" as in "me" and "someone." "We" as in my cousin Keri and her fiance Daniel decided to get hitched this coming October. Excited for her? Yes I am. Congratulations, Keri and Daniel. I tried to find some embarrasing pictures to post, but no luck. Guess that will come later. Hee hee hee. Congratulations again. I love you both.

On Being the Mommy of a Two Year Old, Part 2

2006-05-23T23:00:00.000-05:00

Madeline's birthday was fun. She got some cute little dress up toys and a little Dora doll for her birthday. She also had a little party at datcare, complete with homemade cupcakes. I think she had a good day.

I've been stressed and trying not to write about it here, but I have to. I don't have to, but I am going to anyway. Madeline and I were getting child support checks for just a little while. The amounts were anywhere from $30 to $60 per week. Then they stopped. No word from the state or from the deadbeat. They just stopped. The state sent me a letter telling me that they were looking for him (or his current employer), but no more checks. No deadbeat. For all I know, the guy's dead. Not just living up to his current reputation. He didn't even call on her birthday. Granted, he wasn't there for the birth, so it might be a little hard for him to remember the date. But he didn't call or text or email. Nada. Zip. Zero. Can I call the state and force him to reliquish any rights that he may have at this point? Because, even though I wouldn't have a real conversation with said deadbeat anymore, I'm almost in tears writing this... realizing how much my dad has meant to me, and that he won't ever be a dad. Just a deadbeat. He didn't even call on her birthday.

Happy, Happy Day

2006-05-17T13:09:00.000-05:00

This morning, my darling daughter was doing the same thing at 7:15 am that she was two years ago. Screaming her head off. I just smiled, hugged her, and told her "Happy Birthday." Though, I wanted to cry too. How in the world am I the mother of a "Terrible Two"? Is that even possible? Well, it is. And she's a perfect two year old. In every way. I am truly blessed with a wonderful daughter. I couldn't ask for one better. Happy, Happy Birthday, Princess Madeline. Happy Birthday.

Just Another Day

2006-05-05T20:03:00.000-05:00

Madeline can count in Spanish... it's really, really funny. Especially since this mommy hasn't taken any Spanish classes (successfully anyway). I'll have to figure out the whole audio/video clip someday to show you all, but I just got the pictures to work! One thing at a time. Really.

My Uncle Bob (dad's youngest brother) just called, I guess my Aunt Barb (dad's middle sis) is in ICU. Please pray and keep her in your thoughts.

On a happier note-- here's more Madeline pics:

Madeline vs. Marshmellow

My Very own Cat in the Hat

Madeline's Favorite Hat (with one of her favorite uncles in the background there)

Here's the famous "Surprise Face"

Ah, Breathe

2006-05-03T10:57:00.000-05:00

Finals are over.

Summer classes begin on Monday.

City wide garage sale is this weekend. I need a dining room set.

I got my summer books via DHL when I ordered them USPS. Darn that extra $12!

I got at least one A and one B for the Spring Semester.

I think I'm going to minor in Spanish. I think.

I have Monday off.

Happy Birthday Harry S Truman.

I haven't set a date for Madeline's party... I'll let you know...

but Finals are over. Spring semester is over. I got at least an A and a B.

On Being the Mommy of a Two Year Old

2006-04-30T20:21:00.001-05:00

I'm writing this as she's beginning a tantrum. Though it seems short lived. She wants a popsicle. We have a policy ("One per customer, per day," as my dad says). She knows this policy. She's had two today. Could explain the current attitude. Possibly. I'm not ready for the terrible two. Better yet, I'm not ready to be a full time student and the mother of a two year old. I am experiencing some great "What if's" right now as it's difficult to find a moment to carry all my groceries inside. But all that aside, I'm still not ready. I've had over two years to prepare for this. I haven't read enough books. Babysat enough kids. Done any case studies. What do I do if my neighbor turns me in to DFS while she's throwing a fit? Smile and try to talk my way out of it? I'm sure we'll be fine. But good Lord Almighty; where does the time go?

Hide and Seek

2006-04-26T20:20:00.000-05:00

This game is becoming more and more a part my adult life... Madeline LOVES to play this at Grandma and Grandpa's (there are more places to hide, of course). Especially in the kitchen...

Here is our new favorite hair style... Okay, Mine! She HATES having her hair brushed or put in a pony or ANYTHING, but it looks cute when she lets me...

My Allergies just make me sneeze...

2006-04-25T14:59:00.000-05:00

But Madeline's allergies make her a rare spotted toddler. The kind you see on the Discovery Channel... okay, maybe not that bad. But for those of you with children or those of you who want to have children... do NOT use adult sun screen on a (almost) two year old. Especially if she won't swallow liquid Benedryl. Just for future reference.

Life's Not Fair

2006-04-24T21:53:00.000-05:00

This is my dad's favorite cliche for me. He says it everytime I complain to him about something, but it's probably the best advice anyone could go by. No matter how many laws we have, no matter how many people we have to uphold them, in our lives we will feel cheated; we will feel that someone less deserving than we got the "gold," if you will.

My younger brother and I are fairly close, as siblings go. We try to watch out for each other and talk on a weekly (or bi-weekly) basis. Every now and again, we go fun places like Wal-Mart. In the past 2+ years, we've been to Wal-Mart together quite a few times. He went there with me a few times when I was pregnant, and now sometimes we go with my daughter... Sometimes people mistake us for a couple, but they are swiftly corrected and embarrassed. I'd say that we are known to :many: (as many goes around here) by being the children of local business owners. It has its rewards and drawbacks. We both know lots of kids and parents also through the Christian school we attended through eighth grade. Two years ago, I was mostly belly and all hormones. Matthew and I went to Wal-Mart to grab something for our mother (he was a senior in high school at the time). We walked by a mother of a girl that Matthew had gone to school with all the way through at the Christian school. She said hi to him and walked away. I (even with as hormonal as I was) didn't think a thing of it. Matthew told me later that that same mother nearly ALWAYS stopped and talked to him at places like Wal-Mart. I was almost offended. I was offended when it happened again after I had my baby, the same mother mind you.

Now, I have had tremendously wonderful outreach from my church and my Christian friends. But it's the Christian acquaintances who have not been nice to me since my pregnancy. It's the friends of friends who make comments to my mother and my brother who really make life not fair. It's the little ripples that one pregnancy (which is no one's business but my own; I'm the one who has to take it up with God) that really, really irk me. These ripples make me want to say, "I hope that makes you less of a sinner than I am," out of spite.

I am human, and I do make mistakes. I will always make mistakes; no matter how hard I try to be like Christ. But, "Life's not fair." And I must go on.

[Insert Fanfare Here]

2006-04-20T09:26:00.000-05:00

This is my 100th post. I'm also edging on one whole year as a "blogger." Craziness. I was thinking that I would have something earth shattering to write, but alas, nothing much new. I have gotten some "sad" responses when I tell people that I am moving 45 minutes away from my current home. IT'S 45 MINUTES! And, the people that have said anything, I DON'T SEE NOW. I'm am extremely excited about taking this step into a new life. Don't burst my bubble, People. Okay, It's no one in blogger world. It's the real world that's popping my bubble and not looking back. But then, isn't that always the way? It's the real world that kicks your butt? Okay, that was supposed to be a little funny, but it wasn't. Sorry about that.

I have one short story to finish and an aesthetics paper to write in the next week and a half. I have no freakin' clue what to write my aesthetics paper on. I was thinking something along the lines of Grammar in America's Colleges and Universities, but my teacher made a big deal about "Whose Grammar? Yours or the Queen's?" So, now, I don't have a clue.

In other news, I'm positive that the terrible two's are coming soon... more on that in less than a month...

In other, other news, I'm getting a bicycle sometime in the near future (for sure). I'm planning on living close enough to campus to ride to school in The Burg and to the park from our apartment in the mean time. I already have the cute little helments and stuff!

Last (but not least), Happy Birthday to my dear (twenty-something) friend, Krystle. Hope you have a great day... see you Saturday.

Re: Fall 2006, and the Rest of This Mom's Life

2006-04-14T08:14:00.000-05:00

Apparently, the state of Missouri (or at least CMSU) wants poor people to go to school. I got enough financial aid to go and be comfortable with the decision. I'm so, so excited and relieved about this. I am going to pursue my dream to become a teacher, and quickly. I could be done in a year and a half, though I may make it a full two years to make job hunting easier on the both of us. So, you're looking at (well, I guess you can't see me, but you know what I mean) a full time student starting August 2006. More excited than I can express in writing. Which says an abundance--I'm an English major, after all.

Post #98... Re: Fall 2006

2006-04-13T13:16:00.000-05:00

I had my Psychology class last night. It went very well. I'm really hoping to study my butt off and ace that class too. That would be great. Greater than great for my GPA too. My teacher is not making us come the last week of class. We will have our final on the 26th and the class on May 3rd is optional to see how we did. Very cool. He let us out early after the review last night. I got to my mom and dad's to find that they were still at church. I snagged some of their food and found the mail. I received a very thin letter from CMSU (rarely good news). I put off opening it until after I ate something.

All that was in it was instructions to access my financial aid information for the upcoming school year on line. Ok, ten steps. I managed to get my dad's wireless to work for that long, and....

wait for it...

pause...

this was, after all the news I'd been waiting for...

to decide whether or not to go full time...

and since I'm milking it...

what do you think happened next?

It's in the Little Things

2006-04-10T09:16:00.000-05:00

Me: achoo-achoo-ach00-achoo [note: yes, that a normal Rachel sneeze]

Madeline: Bless-you!

***

Saturday: I couldn't sleep in, but Madeline did. I was getting dressed... all of a sudden I see her head PoP out of the covers, "Hi, Momma!"

"Hi, Madeline!"

"Sleepin'?"

"Were you sleeping?"

"Yeah."

"Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah."

"Good Morning, Maddie."

"Morning, Mommeeee."

***
"Momma? Momma? Momma?"

"Madeline? Madeline? Madeline?"

"Blues Clues!"

"Do you want to go to Grandma and Grandpa's or watch Blues Clues?"

"Grandpa?"

"Yes, which do you want to do?"

"Grandpa."

"Okay."

"Momma?"

"Madeline?"

"Blues Clues?"

***

My Niece looking at Madeline's new pictures: "OOh, Aunt Rachel, Madeline's pretty!"

"Yes, and you and brother are good-looking kids too, Samantha."

"No, I'm beautiful, and brother's handsome, Rachel."

"Yes, that's right, Samantha."

***

Thursday or Friday, I went to my parents house to give my mom a break, or at least try. I end up carrying Madeline for some fit-throwing reason or another. Daniel (my nephew) says, "Rachel, Madeline's a baby."

"I think she's too heavy to be a baby, Daniel."

"Oh."

First thing he says to his mother after hello when they return from business trip? "Mom, Madeline's not a baby anymore."

***

I was thinking on the way home Saturday night that I needed to get my eyes checked. It's been awhile and the night time is starting to bother me. I was thinking, I'll do it when I get back on some insurance. Then it dawned on me suddenly that I may never have optical insurance. I don't know where that came from, but it hit me hard.

***

I should know this week about school for sure... Oh, I want so badly to go full time...

***

I joined eHarmony a while back... I've reached open communication with one guy... weird way to meet people I know... but at this point... I don't feel like I have a choice.

***

Went to McDonald's with Grandma and Madeline for dinner one night. Madeline and I both had chicken McNuggets and fries. About half-way through the meal... she reaches over and snatched one of my chicken nuggets and goes one eating. It was really comical because I didn't even see it, my mom did.

***

Well, that's all the humor and seriousness I have for this morning... other than, my professor is going to be critiquing stories in front of the class tonight (mine included). Thinking about it is giving my an ulcer... pray for that. Thanks.